Memory of Love
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- 11 -
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After storing the groceries, and unpacking the new clothes she’d bought, Leanne took a leisurely bath and washed and set her hair before fixing herself something to eat. Then, she painted her nails and applied her make-up before going into the bedroom to get dressed for Rowena’s party.
She chose silky, black trousers over which she wore the new top she’d bought that afternoon, a black, sequined, batwing style top, with the figure of a butterfly on the front in black and gold. Against the black of her trousers it looked quite spectacular, and Leanne was pleased with the effect. She swept her hair around over one shoulder and pinned it in place with a comb, clipping dangly gold earrings to her ears before stepping over to a full length mirror in the corner of the bedroom to survey her appearance.
Just then, the doorbell rang. Leanne glanced at her watch. It was only 7.40pm. Rowena must have decided to come early just to make sure she was dressed. Slipping into high heeled shoes, she went to open the door, grinning ruefully.
“Yes, I’m still com--” she broke off, the smile dying on her lips when she saw, not Rowena, but Ben standing in the doorway, clad in a navy blue overcoat, its collar turned up against the cold wind, his dark hair straddling it.
“Ben!” she gasped, staring at him as though he was a visitor just landed from outer space, her heart beginning to pound wildly, in her chest, at the sight of him.
“Hi.” Ben smiled, a little apprehensively. “May I come in?”
Leanne stepped aside for him to enter, closing the door and following him into the lounge, her mind in a whirl.
Ben turned to face her, blowing into his hands and then rubbing them together.
“Jesus, its cold.” he said.
Leanne nodded. “When did you get back?” she faltered.
“Just got in this evening.” Ben replied. Then, on seeing her outfit. “Oh, are you going out?”
Leanne nodded, her voice having temporarily deserted her as she struggled to come to terms with Ben’s physical presence in front of her.
“Oh.” Ben sounded disappointed. “I’m sorry, I guess I should have realised you’d be going out tonight. I should have called first. It’s just that I wanted to…” he looked away with a sigh. Then, turning intense eyes to hers. “Do you have a date?” He asked, his tone almost accusing.
As the initial shock of seeing him again wore off, Leanne began to feel annoyed. What business was it of his if she had a date or not? She’d worried, and fretted, about him all these weeks and he hadn’t even had the decency to phone and tell her he was alright, and now he’d turned up, out of the blue, expecting her to make time for him, questioning her private life and making her feel guilty that she was going out. That was what he was trying to do. She could see it in his eyes. If she didn’t know better she’d have said he was jealous, but selfish was more like it, wanting to speak to her when he wanted to. Just who did he think he was? she thought, angrily. Well, he wasn’t going to get away with it any more.
“Yes.” she replied, coolly. “I’m going to a party, with a friend.” She was deliberately vague about the gender of the friend. If Ben believed it was a man, then let him. “In fact,” she continued. “I thought that was who was at the door just now.”
“I see.” Ben couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice. “Well…” he made an effort to appear nonchalant, turning on his heel and heading towards the door “…I’ll … er… talk to you at the house, when you have more time.” he muttered, without turning round.
“Well… actually… I…” Leanne began, intending to tell him that she was resigning and wouldn’t be coming to the house any more now that he was back, but as he turned to look at her, as she spoke, there was such a pleading expression in his eyes that she couldn’t bring herself to say the words.
She sighed, inwardly. One more day wasn’t going to make any difference. She could tell him tomorrow, that she was leaving, just as easily, and she was curious to know how his trip had gone.
“…I don’t have to go for another twenty minutes or so.” she finished. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
For a moment, Ben looked uncertain, but then his expression brightened and he crossed the room, taking off his overcoat and draping it over the back of the sofa before sitting down.
He was wearing charcoal grey corduroy trousers and a blue and grey wool shirt. Leanne perched on the arm of the armchair, opposite, studying his face. He’d had his hair styled while he’d been away, so that the shorter hair, growing back over his head injury, blended in with the rest. The scar on his temple had faded a little in the weeks since he’d been away and wouldn’t be immediately noticeable once his hair had grown longer.
The mild Californian climate had restored some colour to his face and he looked quite well, although he was still a little on the thin side and he looked a little drawn, she thought, but that was possibly from his long flight.
He was sitting on the edge of the sofa, somewhat nervously twiddling his fingers, his head bowed as he stared at them.
“So,” Leanne began, “how did the trip go?”
Ben lifted his eyes to hers now, a mischievous glint appearing in their depths and, suddenly, Leanne knew.
“It worked?” she asked, a smile spreading slowly across her face?
Ben nodded. “Eventually.”
“Oh, Ben, that’s wonderful!” exclaimed Leanne, excitedly, temporarily forgetting that most of the recent memories he would have recovered were painful ones. “What happened?”
Ben sighed, his expression clouding. “It was hell the first few weeks.” he told her. “I didn’t recognize anything or anybody. My neighbours, in the apartment block were I live, spoke to me, and people who knew me stopped me in the street. It was so embarrassing, not knowing them and having to go through all that had happened, to explain to them.” He sighed. “I made like a tourist for a while.” he continued. “I went everywhere, seeing all the sights, but nothing rang a bell. I went through the apartment from top to bottom, going through all my books, papers and photographs, but they might as well have belonged to a complete stranger for all they meant to me. I even took a trip to San Diego, to see if something there might trigger something, but it didn’t. I got really down about it. In fact, one night, I was so depressed I drank my way through the better part of a bottle of scotch.” He grinned sheepishly at her. “Boy, did I have a hangover the next day.”
“So, what happened to trigger your memory?” asked Leanne, her stomach turning over as she thought of how sad, and lonely, he must have been.
A frown furrowed Ben’s brow as he remembered.
“I went into town, on Christmas Eve, to get some groceries and stuff. In the cab, on the way home, we were just about to go through some traffic signals when the car right in front of us was hit by a van coming through on red from the other direction. We had to swerve to avoid crashing into them and sideswiped another car coming the other way.”
“Oh, no.” gasped Leanne, her eyes wide. “Was anyone hurt?”
“The car driver was pretty badly hurt, but the van driver only had minor cuts and the rest of us were just shaken up.” He paused, gazing pensively at the carpet, as he remembered, while Leanne waited patiently for him to continue.
“We sorted everything out with the cops, and the cab driver offered to take me the rest of the way for free.” Ben said presently. He paused, momentarily, before saying, “As we were driving along I kept seeing it happening over again in my mind but, at the same time, I kept seeing other things too, things that hadn’t happened then. I couldn’t understand what they were but they gave me this awful feeling of terror.” He shook his head. “I wanted to jump out of the cab and run.” He sighed. “By the time I got home, I was shaking like a leaf and felt really sick. I put it down to delayed shock and had a couple of stiff drinks, but I couldn’t shake it. All night, things kept flashing into my mind, but I couldn’t make any sense of them, and then, suddenly, I realised what I was seeing… the accident.” He paused and looked briefly up at Leanne before returning his gaze to the carpet, his dark eyes troubled.
“I remember it being dark. It was raining pretty heavily… all the street lamps were reflecting back off the wet road… visibility was poor. Suddenly, there was a sharp bend… the car aquaplaned, hit the curb and catapulted into the air. I remember being thrown sideways and a pain in my arm as I hit the doorframe, then being tipped out of my seat as the car turned over… then… nothing.” He lifted his eyes to hers now.
“You didn’t tell me everything.” he said quietly. “I thought I was driving… and that I was alone.”
“You were upset enough about losing your memory.” Leanne told him. “The doctors said you might never remember the accident, so there didn’t seem any point in upsetting you any further.”
“Was she…?” Ben whispered.
Leanne nodded. “Instantly they say.”
Ben closed his eyes. He had guessed as much, but it was still hard to hear it confirmed.
“The police found some film of the accident, on a CCTV camera at a local factory, which showed it was just an accident, so no charges were brought against you.” Leanne told him.
Ben opened his eyes and looked at Leanne, his expression tortured.
“What really upsets me is… I remember her face clearly… but I just can’t put a name to it.”
“Joanna-Marie Richardson.” Leanne intoned, surprised that the name had stuck in her mind.
“Joanna.” Ben repeated, gazing thoughtfully at some point beyond Leanne’s shoulder, before bowing his head and raking a hand through his hair.
“God, I feel so responsible.” he groaned.
“It wasn’t your fault, Ben.” Leanne told him, but Ben shook his head.
“She wanted to drive a ‘posh’ car.” He sighed. “We’d had a couple of drinks – oh, we weren’t drunk, but…” he shrugged. “The weather was atrocious. She wasn’t used to such a powerful car…” He shook his head. “I should have driven. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened then...”
“You mustn’t blame yourself, Ben. It was an accident, the police said so.” Leanne told him. “It could have happened even if you had been driving. I know the spot where it happened. It’s notorious. A lot of people have come to grief on that bend. You mustn’t blame yourself.” She touched his arm to bring him out of his reverie. “What happened next?”
Ben sighed, dragging his mind away from the accident to continue the story.
“All night, I kept having flashes of memory, but they were all sort of disjointed. I couldn’t put them into order. It was weird. I knew what the things were that I was remembering but, at the same time, it was like finding them out all over again.” He shook his head. “I spent all Christmas day trying to sort it all out, get it all into order.” He trailed off, temporarily lost in thought. “When I thought of the people I’d lost…” he continued presently. “My folks… Lui… and what happened with Petra… and the baby…” he shrugged. “I just sat down and cried… It seemed like… like everything I ever cared about in my life got taken away from me… I felt like I was some kind of… jinx… and I felt like there was no point in going on.” He paused, letting out a deep sigh. “Then I started with one of those pounding headaches.” he continued. “That was all I needed.” He looked up at her briefly, a frown furrowing his brow. “I was so down… I almost took all of those pills you gave me.” he told her.
“What stopped you?” whispered Leanne, her eyes bright with tears.
Ben thought for a moment. “I thought about Lui.” he said presently. He shook his head. “His death was such a waste. He could have done so much with his life if only he’d fought back from whatever it was that brought him down. Then I thought about my folks. They were barely more than fifty years old. They should have had years left. Their lives were taken from them. They had no choice. But I did, and I knew they wouldn’t want me to be a quitter, and, deep down, I didn’t want to be either. I want to get married, have kids of my own one day. I want to… I don’t know… contribute something… leave my mark, whatever you want to call it. I don’t want to die like Lui did… unfulfilled… alone…” He sighed. “So…I just took two pills,” he smiled briefly, “like you told me.”
Leanne returned his smile with a watery one of her own, Rowena’s words about Ben being one of life’s survivors suddenly springing into her mind.
“I fell asleep.” Ben continued, gazing at the carpet once more. “When I woke up, I felt better… calmer. I was able to go through it all, get it all into perspective.” He looked up at her now. “As I worked my way through it all, there was one thing that was always there, always with me.”
“Oh?”
He nodded. “You! I know how good you’ve been to me since the accident, but I didn’t realise just how much you’d been there for me before. When I thought of all the bad times… like when Lui died… and when I was screwed up over Petra… when I was in the hospital…” he raked a hand through his hair, “and all the other times I needed someone... I realised that you were always there, and it was always you that I turned to…” he trailed off, with a sigh.
“What I’m trying to say, Leanne, is… that… I love you. I think I’ve always loved you, from the start, but I didn’t know it before.” He turned uncertain eyes to hers. He was terrified that she didn’t feel anything for him other than friendship and compassion and had almost been too afraid to tell her what he felt in case she rejected him and disappeared out of his life altogether.
“I just got so used to people throwing themselves at me because of what I do, or for what they thought I could do for them, I guess I closed my mind to everything except what I wanted to see and, as my employee, I didn’t allow myself to see you as anything more.” He sighed. “Selfish, huh?”
Leanne stared at him, scarcely able to take in what he was saying. After all this time, could it be that her dream had finally come true? That he loved her?
“But, what about Petra?” she asked, her voice sounding strangely hoarse as she tried to speak over the lump that had risen in her throat. Despite the joy his words had brought her, she had been too deeply hurt by Tony’s betrayal to accept them without question.
Ben bowed his head and gave a deep sigh.
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“Petra.” He said, nodding slowly. “I was besotted with her.” he said presently, “But I didn’t love her.”
“But you were going to marry her.” said Leanne.
Ben nodded, his gaze fixed on the carpet. “For the baby’s sake.” he said, sadly. He was silent for a few moments before saying, “Marrying her would have been a big mistake. Petra is a beautiful woman, and she knows all the right moves… but she’s selfish and self centred.” He shook his head. “I loved her, but I wasn’t in love with her.” He looked up at her now.
“I’m in love with you.” he said quietly, before lowering his gaze once more, apprehensively twiddling his fingers. “I was afraid to tell you… I was afraid it would ruin our friendship, and I couldn’t bear that.” He sighed and looked up anxiously at her. “But I had to tell you. After everything you’ve done for me, I owed it to you.” He bowed his head once more. “I know I don’t deserve it, but… is there any chance that you… that we… could…” he trailed off, unable to say the words.
“Oh, Ben.” Leanne was half laughing, half crying. “Don’t you know I’m in love with you too?”
Ben looked up, sharply. “What?” he breathed, his dark eyes a mixture of hope and disbelief.
“I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.” Leanne told him. “But I didn’t realise until…” she paused, remembering the day she’d realised – the day Lui had died. "…later.” she continued, not wanting to remind Ben of that day.
“But…” Ben began, looking confused.
“You’d made it plain that you did all the chasing with girls that you liked” Leanne continued, “and didn’t appreciate girls that made the first move, and since you’d never shown any interest in me, other than as an employee and friend, I assumed I wasn’t your type, so I didn’t dare say anything. I thought you’d fire me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing you again, so I kept it to myself.” She glanced at Ben, who was looking at her in astonishment.
“When you were in the hospital” she continued, “I decided that, if you survived, I would tell you how I felt, whatever the cost, but then you’d lost your memory and I couldn’t…” She sighed. “When you went back to America, I thought you’d never come back, that I’d lost you for good. In fact…” she lowered her eyes, “when I didn’t hear from you all these weeks, I decided there was no future in waiting around hoping you’d notice me and I planned to write to you after New Year to tell you that I couldn’t work for you any more.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call.” said Ben. “I wanted to, but I wanted it to be with good news. I wanted to wait until - if - I got my memory back. Then, when I did, and I realised what I felt for you, I couldn’t talk to you on the phone. I had to see you in person, although I was terrified of how you would react.” He stood up now and, grasping Leanne’s arms, pulled her to her feet.
“Oh, Leanne…” He bent his head and kissed her, a deep, passionate kiss that was everything Leanne had always dreamed it would be and that sent her senses reeling.
Ben broke away and pulled her to him, so tightly she could barely breathe.
“What a fool I’ve been.” he muttered.
They stood there for several moments, holding tightly to each other, before Ben pushed her to arms length and looked down at her, his eyes glowing.
“Marry me, Leanne.” he said, breathlessly. When she didn’t reply, he pulled her to him once more. “I don’t want to lose you… ever.” he said, softly. “Will you marry me?”
Leanne looked up at him, finally finding her voice.
“Yes. I’ll marry you.”
Ben let out a whoop of delight and picked Leanne up, dancing about the room with her while she giggled helplessly.
“You’ll be able to come with me when I have to go abroad on location.” he told her. “I want you with me, always.”
Leanne nodded, dumbly, still stunned by Ben’s revelations.
Ben smiled, gazing past her now as his mind raced ahead, making plans.
“We’ll spend some time in the States and I’ll show you all the sights.” he continued. “Sound O.K. to you?”
Leanne nodded again. Things were happening so fast she couldn’t take it all in.
Ben bent to kiss her again then, long and hard, a groan of desire escaping him as his arms tightened around her. Leanne put her arms around his neck, holding tightly to him, lest she should fall, her legs turning to jelly as his kiss set her body on fire.
Finally they parted, Ben hugging her to him, his chin resting on top of her head, his eyes closed, a look of contentment on his face. As Leanne laid her head against his chest, she could feel his heart beating wildly.
She could still scarcely believe it. After all this time, he loved her! And to think that she’d been just about to walk out of his life for good. Wrapped in the warmth of his embrace, she wondered, now, how she’d managed to convince herself that she could live without him. Thank goodness she hadn’t posted her letter of resignation. She was sure that Ben wouldn’t have revealed his feelings to her if he’d read it.
Ben pulled away from her now and picked up his overcoat from the back of the sofa, delving around in one of the pockets while Leanne looked on with a puzzled frown.
Ben drew out a small box, opened the lid and held it out for her to see.
“I hope you like it.” he said.
Leanne’s eyes widened in surprise as she looked inside the box to see an engagement ring, nestling on a bed of cotton wool.
“Oh, Ben…” she gasped, taking out the ring and looking at it. There was a large, oblong sapphire in the centre, surrounded by small diamonds. “…it’s beautiful.” She looked up at Ben now, her eyes shining.
Ben took the ring from her and placed it on the third finger of her left hand. It was almost a perfect fit.
Leanne held out her hand, admiring it.
“When shall we get married?” Ben asked, also gazing at the ring.
Leanne did some quick calculations. “How about three months?”
Ben looked horrified. “How about three days?” he suggested.
Leanne’s eyes widened. “Three days? I couldn’t possibly arrange everything in three days.”
“What’s to arrange?” said Ben.
“Well, I have to get a dress, make out a list of invitations… and my parents are still on holiday. I couldn’t possibly get married before they get back. Then there’s the church to organise…”
Ben signed in mock aggravation. “When, then?”
“How about a month?”
Ben sighed. “Is that your final word?”
Leanne nodded positively. “It is.” she grinned.
“Then I guess I’ll just have to wait.” said Ben.
They both jumped as the doorbell rang.
“Oh, God, Rowena!” Leanne’s hands flew to her face. She’d completely forgotten about the party.
“Rowena? So she was your ‘date’, huh?” Ben grinned at her.
Leanne nodded, sheepishly. “It’s her party I was going to. What’ll I tell her?”
“How about the truth?”
Leanne smiled. “But, what about the party?”
“Where is it at?”
“Rowena’s house.”
“Then how about we go together… and announce our engagement officially. I don’t need to dress, do I?”
Leanne grinned. “No. You look just fine as you are.”
The doorbell rang again, and Leanne hurried to answer it. She opened the door to see Rowena, dressed in a beige silk trouser suit that set off her mid-brown hair and hazel eyes. She grinned at Leanne.
“Hi. Sorry I’m a bit late. Say, you look great.” she said, noticing Leanne’s sparkling eyes and rosy complexion.
“I feel great.” bubbled Leanne.
Rowena looked vaguely surprised at Leanne’s sudden joviality. The last time she’d seen her, she’d been really down.
“Ready?” she enquired.
Leanne nodded. “Yes, but… I won’t be coming alone. Is that alright?”
“So, you finally decided to ask Julian?” Rowena grinned, as Leanne stepped aside to let her through the door.
“No.” Leanne smiled, mysteriously, and led the way into the lounge, Rowena following with a puzzled frown.
“Then who…” she began, stopping, abruptly, when she saw Ben, standing in front of the hearth, his hands thrust into his trouser pockets and an idiotic grin on his face.
Leanne couldn’t help but laugh as Rowena looked first shocked, then openly admiring. She had always thought Ben Gallagher was a ‘dish’ long before Leanne had even known who he was.
Recovering her composure, Rowena advanced towards Ben with what Leanne recognised as her ‘professional’ smile. The one she kept for all her business clients.
“Well, Mr. Gallagher. Nice to see you again.” She extended her hand and Ben shook it.
“Likewise.” he replied with a smile.
“Row, Ben’s got his memory back.” Leanne beamed at her.
“I’m glad to hear it.” said Rowena, smiling appreciatively at Ben while he looked at Leanne.
“That’s not all.” Leanne giggled, her eyes dancing.
“Oh?” Rowena raised an eyebrow.
“We’re engaged.” Leanne told her, smiling up into Ben’s face.
Rowena’s mouth fell open. “Wha--?”
Leanne nodded. “It’s true.”
Rowena was stunned. “Well… congratulations.” She wanted to ask if they were sure. She knew it was what Leanne wanted, although she had never openly admitted it, but as far as she knew Ben had never shown any interest in her other than as a friend. But, one look at their faces now told her all she needed to know.
“I’m very happy for you both.” Rowena stepped forward and hugged Leanne, before shaking Ben’s hand again and then kissing him on the cheek.
“Well, I have to say, you certainly know how to pick ‘em, kiddo. Half the women in the country would give their right arm to be in your shoes now.”
Leanne grinned and Ben looked embarrassed.
“So, when’s the wedding?”
“Would you believe, a month?” said Leanne.
“No! Are you serious?”
Leanne nodded, jerking her thumb in Ben’s direction. “He wanted it in three days.”
Rowena raised her eyes to the ceiling. “Men! They’ve no idea, have they?” she grinned.
“Will you be my bridesmaid?” Leanne asked.
“Try stopping me.” retorted Rowena.
“We thought we’d announce our engagement tonight.” Leanne told her, taking Ben’s hand in hers.
“Great. I think I might even have a bottle of champagne lurking around somewhere, to toast it with. Which reminds me, we’d better get going, or all of my guests will be hammering on the door waiting for their hostess to arrive.”
Leanne and Ben collected their things and then followed Rowena downstairs.
As they walked, Ben with his arm protectively around her shoulders, Leanne admired her engagement ring, looking forward, now, with anticipation, to the coming night.
A New Year, a new husband, and a new life. It had been a long wait but, as she looked up at Ben and saw her love reflected back through his dark eyes, she knew it had been worth it, and whatever misfortunes fate might throw at them in the future, they would handle them, together.
-ooOOoo-
