Memory of Love

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- 10 -

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When she arrived at Ben’s, at ten thirty the next morning, Leanne found him still packing.  Strewn on one of the sofa’s were several items of clothing that he’d packed and then changed his  mind about, while on the other, the blanket that Leanne had covered him with the previous night lay in a crumpled heap along with the morning paper and Ben’s travel documents.

 

Ben, dressed in jeans and a tan coloured sweatshirt, was on his knees on the floor, shuffling clothes around inside the suitcase, which was leaning against the leg of the coffee table, with uncharacteristic perplexity.

 

“Morning.”  Leanne couldn’t help but smile at his bemused expression.

 

“Oh! Morning.”  Ben sat back on his heels and, seeing Leanne’s amused expression, gave a sheepish shrug.  “I couldn’t make up my mind what to take with me.”  He sighed.  “I don’t remember what sort of weather to expect, or anything.”

 

“Let’s have a look.”  Leanne put down her jacket and crossed to kneel down at Ben’s side.  “You shouldn’t need much, a lot of your clothes are already over there.” she told him.  She took out one or two things and put in one or two off the pile on the sofa.

 

“There.” she said presently.  “That should do you.  Covered for all eventualities.” she grinned at him.

 

“Thanks.”  Ben bent to close the case and then stood up.

 

“Tickets.”  he muttered, looking around him.

 

“Here.”  Leanne picked them up off the sofa and held them out to him.

 

“Thanks.” Ben took them and put them in the pocket of his jacket.

 

“Have you got your passport?”

 

“No.”

 

Leanne went into the study and picked up the passport she’d left out on the desk for him the previous day.  Ben was usually so organised it was strange to see him so flustered.  Obviously, his nerves about the trip were getting the better of him.

 

“Here.”  She handed him the passport.  “Now, have you got everything?”

 

“I think so.”  Ben frowned as he checked through a mental list in his head.

 

“Right.  We’d better get going then.  The traffic might be heavy.  There are some road repairs going on near the airport that might cause a bottleneck.  We don’t want to be late.”

 

“No.” Ben nodded, vaguely, picking up his jacket and the suitcase.

 

They left the house, and Leanne stowed his case in the boot of her car before getting in and starting the engine.

 

They drove in silence, Ben preoccupied with the coming journey, Leanne wondering if she would see him again after today, her spirits sinking lower and lower the nearer they got to the airport.

 

Eventually they arrived, parked the car and went into the terminal building.  Although Ben had been through the airport dozens of times in the past he had no recollection of it whatsoever, nor of what to do about checking in.

 

Leanne took him to the check-in desk and helped him get his case weighed and tagged.  Then they went to sit down, while Leanne explained what would happen when they called his flight and at the airport at the other end.

 

Ben nodded, a pensive frown on his face.

 

“Don’t worry.” Leanne told him. “There’s nothing to it.  You’ve done it dozens of times before.  You never know, it might jog something in your memory.”

 

“Did I like flying before?”

 

“You never said you didn’t.” said Leanne.  “I should think you did.  You did enough of it, back and forth between here and Los Angeles, to Europe and probably a lot of internal flights in America for your work too.”

 

Ben gave a deep sigh.  “I wish I could remember.”

 

“You’ll be alright.” Leanne told him.  Ben’s expression looked doubtful.

 

They lapsed into silence, Ben preoccupied with his own thoughts, Leanne watching him, thinking how much she was going to miss him, wondering when, or even if, he would come back.  She longed to reach out and touch his face, stroke his hair.  Her fists clenched involuntarily at the thought.

 

After a while, Ben turned to look at her.  “By the way,” he began, “thanks for last night… for coming over.” He smiled briefly. 

 

“It’s O.K.” Leanne smiled back.  “You won’t forget what I said about those pills?”  She had given him a few to take with him, with strict instructions only to take them if he had a really bad headache.  “They’re not aspirin.” she told him.  “Any more than two could be lethal.”

 

“I won’t.” Ben replied.

 

“And try to relax.” Leanne went on.  “You seem to get them more when you’re tense or upset.”

 

Ben nodded agreement.  “I’m sick to death of them.  Did I suffer with headaches before?” he asked, with a frown, as he tried, to remember.

 

“Not as far as I know.” Leanne replied.  “Except for hangovers,” she added with a grin,  “and you had plenty of those, especially when you’d been out with Lui-" she broke off abruptly.  She hadn’t intended to mention Lui for fear of upsetting Ben, but it didn’t appear to mean anything to him.  He merely smiled at the comment.

 

Ben’s flight was called just then and they stood up, Ben bending to gather his things together.  As he looked up at her, Leanne could see the sudden look of panic in his eyes.

 

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”  Leanne tried to sound reassuring, forcing down the lump that had suddenly risen in her throat.

 

Ben nodded, glancing nervously in the direction of the gate he’d been called to.

 

“Well...” he began.  “I guess this is it.”

 

Leanne nodded. “Good luck.  I hope it works out O.K.   Don’t worry about things here.  I’ll look after them.”

 

Ben nodded.

 

“Well…” it was Leanne’s turn to be lost for words.

 

Suddenly, Ben stepped forward and pulled her to him in a bear hug.

 

“Thanks for everything.” he said, softly, over the top of her head.  Then he was gone, pausing briefly at the gate, to wave, before disappearing through the doorway with the other passengers.

 

Leanne watched him out of sight, tears trickling down her cheeks.  “Take care.” she whispered, before turning and walking slowly out of the airport building.

 

She drove back to Ben’s to clear up the mess he’d left behind, putting away his clothes, changing the bed linen, washing his breakfast dishes, just being in his house and handling his things bringing him close to her again.

 

She got ready for bed that night wondering if he’d arrived safely.  He would be landing right about now.

 

She lay in bed, worrying about how he would cope with everything.  She wanted to ring him to make sure he was alright, but she didn’t dare. As much as she wanted to help, she knew it was wrong to keep offering herself as a crutch for his emotions. This was something Ben had to do alone, however hard it might be. 

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She continued to go round to Ben’s every couple of days, to pick up any mail that had arrived, flick a duster around and make sure that no-one had broken in.  She had hoped that Ben would ring her, if only to say that he’d arrived safely.  After all, she was the only friend he knew at the moment.  But, after a week there had still been no word from him and Leanne was beginning to feel resentful.  After all she’d done for him, would it be too much trouble to pick up the phone and call her?

 

At the end of the second week, Leanne went round to see Rowena, to ask if she had any part time work for her to do to keep her mind occupied.  Rowena hadn’t, but said she would ask around and, a couple of days later, she rang Leanne to say that she knew of someone who wanted a part time secretary, for about fifteen hours a week, to be made up however was suitable, half days, two whole days, the man was flexible.

 

Leanne decided to take the job and work a few hours each afternoon.  It wasn’t that she needed the money, Ben paid her a handsome salary, but she needed the diversion, something to get Ben out of her mind, at least for part of the day and by working half days she still had time to pop round to Ben’s to keep on top of things there.

 

Her boss, Julian Park-Davies, was about as different to Ben as it was possible to be.  He had mousy brown hair, a close clipped beard of the same colour and intelligent hazel eyes.  A computer programmer, he was awfully posh, and used words like ‘smashing’ and ‘super’ in almost every sentence.  He wore pin striped business suits and sober ties and was a complete workaholic.  But he was friendly enough, in an absent sort of way.  His office was littered with computers, some of which he was reprogramming for his clients, some he was getting repaired, and several of his own that he used to trying various new programmes on.

 

Leanne enjoyed working for him after so long away from a secretarial environment, taking calls from his customers, arranging visits and keeping his accounts on one of his computer systems.

 

Julian was like a whirlwind, never still for a moment.  In between visits to service his clients’ computers, he would dash into the office to tinker about with half programmed ones, or else he would be dashing to and fro with broken, or repaired computers, delivering and collecting them to, and from, his clients.

 

Leanne admired his mind very much, but didn’t find him physically attractive and Julian was far too engrossed in his work to even notice Leanne as a person.  She was just “the secretary”, the girl who organised him, nothing more, and Leanne was happy to keep things that way.  Working for Ben was like being on an emotional roller coaster.  She couldn’t cope with any more intense relationships.

 

In another two weeks, it was Christmas Eve and Leanne still hadn’t heard a word from Ben.

 

She spent a lonely Christmas at her flat.  Her parents were on holiday in Greece until the New Year, so she couldn’t go home, and most of her other friends already had plans for the holiday.

 

On Christmas morning, she opened the selection of presents she’d been given –a gold necklace from her parents, gloves and chocolates from Judith, some lingerie from Caroline, a blouse from Rowena, which Leanne had admired on one of their trips around the shops, and a selection of perfume and soaps from some of the girls she’d kept in touch with from Lennards.

 

She was pleased with all of the things she’d been given, but she would have traded every one of them for a card, or a phone call from Ben.

 

He’d been gone for over a month now, and she missed him so much the pain was almost physical.  When he’d been away before he’d always kept in touch by phone, but now it was as though he’d vanished off the face of the earth.  She had tried phoning him, one evening, when her curiosity had got the better of her, but had received no reply and, this year, for the first time since she’d met him, he hadn’t sent a birthday or Christmas card.

 

After she’d opened her presents, she went upstairs to share a glass of sherry with the old lady who lived in the flat above hers, and to take her a little china figurine she’d bought for her.

 

When the old lady’s son came to collect her for Christmas dinner at his home, Leanne came back to her flat to eat her own little turkey.  Afterwards, she settled down to watch television, curled up by the fire with a box of chocolates and a glass of wine, wondering what Ben was doing now.

 

On Boxing Day, Rowena called round and insisted on taking Leanne back with her for tea at her Victorian townhouse.  Also there, were Rowena’s sister, Bronwyn, with her two children, Morag and Gwyneth, and her brother, Clifford, and his wife, Denise.

 

Leanne felt a bit embarrassed, at first, intruding on their family gathering, but they all made her very welcome and she enjoyed the evening immensely.  Bronwyn’s children were a delight.  They climbed all over Leanne and she was fascinated by their broad Welsh accents.  Bronwyn’s husband, John, was in the navy and away overseas until the middle of January which was mainly the reason why Rowena had arranged this family get together.

 

Bronwyn and the children had travelled up on Christmas Eve, spent Christmas day with their parents and today at Rowena’s.

 

After Clifford and Denise had left for their own home, on the other side of London, and while Bronwyn was putting the children to bed in the spare bedroom, Rowena sat down on the couch by Leanne’s side.

 

“Your parents have gone away for Christmas, haven’t they?” she asked.

 

Leanne nodded.  “Yes, to Greece.”

 

“Lucky devils!” said Rowena.  “I wish I had the time.  I’ve been so busy with the agency just lately.” She sighed.  “Still, I’m going back with Bronwyn, to Wales, tomorrow, for a couple of days, which will be a nice break. But I’ll be back for New Year though.  You won’t forget the party, will you?”

 

Leanne groaned inwardly.  Rowena had been on about this New Year’s Eve party she was throwing ever since Ben left, insisting that Leanne come to it.  “You don’t get out enough these days.” she’d chastised her.  Leanne didn’t really feel like socialising at the moment, but Rowena wasn’t going to let her get away with not going.  Leanne knew she ought to make more of an effort to go out, she’d been so wrapped up with Ben, since the accident, she hadn’t had the time, or the energy, to go anywhere.  With him gone, she had plenty of time on her hands, and no excuses not to go out, but she found that she had no interest in doing so.