Memory of Love
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- 6 -
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It was almost dawn when Leanne finally drifted into an uneasy sleep. She slept right through the alarm, only waking when a fire engine roared up the street, its siren blaring.
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“What…?” She struggled into a sitting position, raking her dishevelled hair off her face and glancing at the clock. Ten thirty! Damn. She had wanted to be up and out early this morning, to try and get in touch with someone from the television company before visiting Ben.
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Hastily, she got out of bed, took a quick shower and threw on a pair of jeans and a green t-shirt. Picking up her jacket, she hurried downstairs to her car and drove over to Ben’s, where she looked through what papers she could find, that weren’t locked away, hoping to find a contact number for someone connected with the show.
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She couldn’t find one, and so had to resort to ringing the main switchboard and was then passed on to a dozen other numbers before she could find anyone who had the faintest idea what she was talking about.
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It turned out that the police had contacted them the previous evening and she was told that someone would be visiting the hospital that morning.
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Leanne picked up Ben’s mail, and added it to the pile from yesterday, before locking up and driving to the hospital.
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When she arrived, there was a delegation from the television company already there, having a heated debate, in the corridor, about filming schedules and costs. Evidently, one of the group was one of the producers, another, the director, as well as people representing the financial aspect of the show. They seemed more interested in what the hold up was going to cost them than in Ben’s welfare and Leanne was disgusted with all of them.
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She managed to sneak past them, without being seen, and went into Ben’s room.
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“Hello.” The nurse, who had been there the previous day, greeted her with a cheery smile.
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“Hello. How is he?” Leanne asked, her eyes scrutinising Ben’s face for any change from the previous day.
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“No change yet.” the nurse said, brightly. Leanne wondered how she could say it so cheerfully when there was no guarantee that there ever would be. But then, she supposed, they had to sound optimistic to keep up the morale of the patients’ families.
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“Have they been here long?” Leanne nodded her head in the direction of the delegation outside the door.
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“Twenty minutes, or so. We only allowed two of them in for a couple of minutes. We didn’t want a crowd round him.”
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Leanne nodded her approval. “They’re so selfish.” she said to the nurse. “All they can talk about is what this is going to cost them, while Ben’s here…” she broke off, stifling a sob.
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“I know.” the nurse agreed. "Like animals fighting over a piece of meat.” She shook her head, thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s not such a great job to be in after all? One minute they love you, the next they’re tearing you to bits.”
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“Yes.” Leanne agreed, remembering the awful things the press had written about Lui after his death.
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She sat down by the bed and took Ben’s hand in hers, the nurse forgotten. He didn’t appear to have moved at all since the previous day and, if anything, he looked worse now that the bruising was starting to come out on his face and body.
That was the only good thing about him being unconscious, Leanne thought to herself. At least he wouldn’t have to be in pain.
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She sat with him until four o’clock when the nurse came in to say she was going off duty.
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“You should go home too.” she told Leanne. “I bet you haven’t eaten all day, have you?”
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Leanne shook her head. She’d had breakfast the day before, and a sandwich yesterday afternoon, but nothing today and, as she thought about it, she became aware of the hunger pains in her stomach.
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“I thought not.” the nurse reproached her. “Now that isn’t going to do either of you any good. Mr. Gallagher is going to need someone to look after him when he recovers, and you won’t be a lot of good to him if you’re flat on your back too, will you?” she said, giving her a gentle smile.
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Leanne shook her head.
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“Right. Well, go home and get yourself a meal and an early night. I’ll walk down with you.”
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Leanne sighed. “Alright.”
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She knew the nurse was right, but she didn’t want to leave Ben. She didn’t want him to wake up alone, not knowing anyone
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Reluctantly, she collected her things and walked out with the nurse, pausing in the corridor while the nurse gave instructions to her replacement.
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They walked along in silence, Leanne preoccupied with her thoughts while the nurse studied her.
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Like most of the women who watched the show, Nurse Sandra Burton knew that Ben was an American, living in London, and single. Leanne had announced herself as his housekeeper and friend, but her concern for Ben was far more than that of an employee, or friend, and she wondered just what their relationship was.
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She’d hardly been able to believe her eyes when they’d brought him into the ward. He was dishier in the flesh than on screen, even with his face cut, and bruised, and she would dearly have liked to get to know him better while he was in the hospital, if he recovered that was.
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She knew she shouldn’t ask, but her curiosity got the better of her.
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“How long have you known Mr. Gallagher?” she asked presently.
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Leanne returned from her thoughts. “Oh, about four years.”
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“You keep house for him I hear?”
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“Amongst other things, yes. I’m more of a Personal Assistant I suppose.”
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“I have to confess to being a fan of the show.” Sandra admitted, shyly.
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“Ben would be glad.” Leanne smiled at her now.
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“It was a shame about the other guy.” Sandra said suddenly. Leanne shot her a sharp glance. Being friendly with Lui, it hurt to hear him referred to as ‘the other guy’.
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“Yes, Lui was a nice guy. He and Ben were good friends. Ben was very sad when he died. So was I.”
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“You knew him too?” Sandra couldn’t believe it. Half of the girls in England had swooned over them and here she was, talking about them as though they were her big brothers or something.
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“I met him quite a few times.”
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“Lucky you.” remarked Sandra.
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“Yes.” Leanne smiled, her mind going back to happier days, before Lui’s death, before the accident, before Petra…
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“What about Mel Hickson?” Sandra’s voice interrupted her thoughts.
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“Mmm? Oh, I’ve only met him once. I’m afraid I don’t know very much about him.”
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Leanne stopped walking as she reached her car.
“I’ll be back tomorrow. Will you be on duty?”
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Sandra nodded. “Yes, I will.” Then, remembering herself. “Now, don’t you worry. Mr. Gallagher is in good hands. You get a good nights sleep.”
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Leanne smiled. “Thank you… I’m sorry, what’s your name?”
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“Sandra.”
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“Leanne.”
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Sandra nodded. “Goodnight Leanne.”
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Leanne drove home to her flat where she took a shower before putting on a towelling robe and going into the kitchen to fix herself something to eat. After staring into the fridge for several moments and not seeing anything that she fancied eating, she made herself an omelette which she then only picked at.
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After she’d cleared away, she turned on the t.v. and curled up on the sofa to watch a film. But, while her eyes looked at the screen, her mind was full of Ben. How long would he be unconscious? Would there be side effects from his injuries and, if so, would they be permanent? What would he do when he discovered that the girl he was with had been killed? Leanne shuddered. Ben had already endured so much heartache, with the death of his parents and Lui’s suicide, she didn’t know if he could cope with another such tragedy, especially after what had happened with Petra and the state it had left him in.
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Petra. Leanne conjured up her image in her mind.
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Ben had met Petra Carillo just six months after Lui’s death. A young, ambitious actress and model, from New York, she had been chosen to play a romantic involvement for Mel Hickson’s character for two or three episodes of the show.
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Of mixed Hispanic blood, with a voluptuous figure, flashing dark eyes, and a mane of sable brown hair, she was extremely pretty, although Leanne thought she seemed rather superficial. She was far from Ben’s usual ‘type’ and Leanne had been surprised, and infuriated, when he had fallen head over heels for her on sight.
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Initially, Petra hadn’t seemed all that interested in Ben but, after weeks of persistence, he had finally persuaded her to go out with him. Ben had been ecstatic when she’d finally accepted, and Leanne had been consumed with jealousy.
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They would go out, on Friday and Saturday evenings, to a club, or party, and on several evenings during the week Ben would take her out to one of his favourite restaurants.
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Leanne had run into Petra on a few occasions, when she’d stayed the night at Ben’s, and, while she couldn’t deny that she was beautiful to look at, Leanne couldn’t take to her. She knew her judgement was clouded by jealousy, but it seemed to her that Petra was only happy when Ben was spending money on her and buying her gifts, and only seemed to make a fuss of him when she wanted something from him, and, if she didn’t get whatever it was she wanted, would pout, and sulk until Ben gave in.
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For a few weeks, things seemed to go alright. In public, Petra appeared devoted to Ben, and it was obvious that he was besotted with her, and Leanne began to think that maybe she was being too hard on her.
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But, at the end of November, when her work on the show was finished, Petra began putting off seeing Ben, saying that she was busy with modelling work, only seeing him perhaps once a week.
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At Christmas, Ben had invited her for dinner, and to spend the day with him but, shortly after lunch, she announced that she felt ill and would have to go home. Ben had pleaded with her to stay longer, saying he would look after her, but she had declined, saying she preferred to be in her own home when she was ill.
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Leanne went home to Birmingham, to spend a few days with her parents, and when she got back, Ben told her that Petra had refused to see him since Christmas day, claiming to be in bed with a stomach bug and promising to call him when she was better. Ben had arranged for them to attend a lavish New Years Eve party at a plush hotel but, when he called Petra the day before, to see what time he should pick her up, Petra had told him that she wasn’t well enough to go and suggested he take another friend.
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Leanne had half hoped he might suggest that she go with him but, in an uncharacteristic display of pique, Ben had torn up the tickets and hurled them into the waste paper bin before storming out of the lounge and into the study, slamming the door so hard the walls shook.
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Leanne watched him go, wondering if Petra’s fiery Latin temper was beginning to rub off on Ben. He was never usually so temperamental.
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In the end, Ben had stayed at home and brooded, while Leanne had gone to a party at Rowena’s house, which she hadn’t enjoyed. She suspected that this was the real thing for Ben, that he really loved Petra, and she felt jealous and hurt, even though she knew she had no right to. But, at the same time, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for the callous way Petra seemed to be treating Ben. One minute she was all over him, the next she wanted nothing to do with him, lifting him up one day and bringing him down the next, and it was playing havoc with his emotions.
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All night, Leanne had tried to enjoy herself at the party, but a part of her kept imagining Ben sitting in front of the fire in the study, his dark eyes full of that injured look that they’d held quite a lot just lately, like a puppy just spanked by its master and not understanding what for, and it was all she could do to keep herself from going round there to comfort him.
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The following Monday, as Leanne let herself into Ben’s house, for work, raised voices from the kitchen greeted her ears. She frowned, wondering who Ben could be arguing with at this hour of the morning. She moved quietly towards the kitchen but then stopped, when she recognised Petra’s voice, rooted to the spot as their words penetrated her ears, shocked by the subject of their conversation.
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“I can’t. I’m too young for this.” Petra was shouting. “I have my career to think about.”
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“This is more important than your career.” Ben’s voice hurled back at her.
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“That’s easy for you to say. You won’t ever be in this position.”
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“But this is a human life we’re talking about.” Ben sounded desperate. “A baby. You can’t just wipe it out.”
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“It’s not anything yet. I’m not even two months gone.”
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“You don’t know that. They say a foetus is genetically formed long before its big enough to register on a scan. Just because you can’t see it yet, or feel it, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. How can you be responsible for murdering it?”
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“I…” Petra’s voice had faltered.
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“You can’t.” Ben’s voice pleaded.
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There was a moments silence before Petra spoke.
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“I can’t raise a baby on my own, especially not in my line of work.”
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“You won’t be on your own. I’ll be with you.” There was a brief pause before Ben said, “Marry me, Petra.”
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Leanne drew in a sharp breath, holding it while she waited to hear what Petra’s answer would be.
“I don’t want to get married.” she replied presently. “I don’t want a baby either.”
“But…” Ben tried to interrupt, but Petra spoke over him.
“I want to be successful, and in this business you need looks to do that. If I have this baby, I’ll get fat and have saggy breasts and stretch marks. No one will hire me for modelling work any more and, while I’m away having it, I’ll lose whatever ground I’ve made with my acting. Ground I won’t be able to make up if I’m stuck with a kid. No, I don’t want it. I won’t have it.”
“Petra… please… don’t do it.” Ben’s voice sounded anguished. “If you don’t want to keep the baby, I’ll have it. I’ll raise it.”
Petra gave a cynical laugh. “You! What would you know about raising kids? Anyway, you’re just as ambitious as me. The first time you got offered some marvellous part, you’d be knocking at the door begging me to look after it while you’re gone. No thanks.”
“Some things are more important than work.” Ben cut in. “And in any case, you can have both. There are nanny’s, kréches. It can be done, if you want to.”
“But that’s just it. I don’t want to.”
“Please, Petra…”
“No!”
Leanne jumped as the door opened and Petra flounced down the hall, her pretty features set like stone. She gave Leanne a brief, disdainful look as she pushed past her and out of the house, slamming the door after her.
Ben seemed totally unaware of Leanne’s presence, as he belted down the hall after her, flinging open the door and dashing outside.
“Petra!” he called. “Petra, wait!”
A few moments later, Ben came back inside, obviously not having managed to persuade her to stay, closing the door and leaning on it, his expression distraught.
“Ben?” Leanne approached and touched his arm.
Ben shifted his gaze to look at her.
“You heard?” he asked, gruffly.
Leanne nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. She’s pregnant?”
Ben nodded, levering himself away from the door and going into the front lounge where he poured himself a large scotch and downed it in one gulp before turning to face her.
“She wants an abortion.” He told her, putting down the glass and walking past Leanne back down the hall and into the breakfast room where he sank down onto one of the sofas, raking his hands through his hair and giving a deep sigh.
“I don’t know how she can think of it.” he said to Leanne, as she followed him into the room. “A baby… It’s a God given gift. She has no right to destroy it.”
“I know how you feel, and I agree with you.” Leanne told him. “But,” she sighed, trying to be fair to both sides. “I can see her point too. It would be difficult for her to have a child and bring it up alone in her line of work.”
“Difficult, yes, but not impossible.” said Ben. “Not if the baby is wanted.” his voice faltered. “Obviously, she doesn’t.” He looked up at Leanne now. “But I do.”
He looked so sad, Leanne wished there was something she could say to comfort him, but she suspected that, once Petra made up her mind about something it would be almost impossible to change it.
“It’s not as though I’d be dumping her with it.” Ben continued. “I asked her to marry me. I offered to take the baby myself if she doesn’t want to keep it.”
“All you can do is keep talking to her.” Leanne told him. “She might see reason.”
Ben nodded, slowly, his mind elsewhere.
“I’ll get on.” Leanne said quietly, getting out polish, and dusters, and leaving him alone with his thoughts. She felt so sorry for Ben but, at the same time, a small part of her was glad that Petra had refused him. If he married her, Leanne would have lost him forever. But, on the other hand, she wanted him to be happy and, if marrying Petra was what it took, she would have to try to find a way to live with it. To see him looking so distraught caused Leanne almost as much anguish as having to keep her feelings for him hidden.
For the next three days, Ben pestered Petra constantly, begging her to change her mind, pleading with her to marry him and become a complete family. He even offered to take time out from his career to look after the baby so that Petra could pursue her own career.
Eventually, Petra relented, and agreed to have the baby, and get married to Ben, on condition that it didn’t interfere with her career.
Ben had fairly bounced into the house, grinning like a Cheshire cat as he told Leanne the news.
“I’m pleased for you, Ben.” Leanne had told him, forcing a smile onto her face even though her heart was breaking. She had lost him. Not only as a prospective husband, although she knew that was just wishful thinking on her part, but also as a friend and an employer. She had no doubt that Petra would dismiss her as soon as the wedding ring was on her finger, and she didn’t know how she was going to live without seeing him, even if it was only as a friend.
Ben was in seventh heaven for the next month as he and Petra made wedding plans, went shopping for maternity clothes, baby clothes, carrycots and all the other necessary items required for a new baby.
At the end of February, Ben decided to make a quick trip back home to Los Angeles before work commenced on the second series of the show at the beginning of April, as he wouldn’t have time for quite a while afterwards with his work schedule and the forthcoming birth. He asked Petra to go with him, but she had been suffering badly with morning sickness and didn’t feel up to travelling so, reluctantly, he went alone.
A week later, Ben had rung Leanne and asked her to check out Petra’s telephone line.
“I’ve been calling her, but the line seems to be out of order.” he told her.
“I’ll look into it.” Leanne told him.
After several calls to the telephone company, all Leanne had managed to ascertain was that the line was ‘temporarily out of service’
“What does that mean?” Ben asked, when she told him.
“Either it’s faulty, or, the bill hasn’t been paid.”
Ben sighed. “She probably forgot to pay it. Oh, well, I guess I’ll see her next week when I get back.”
When Leanne arrived at Ben’s house the morning after his arrival back from the States, she had found him in a highly irritated state.
“Is something wrong?” she asked him.
“She’s gone.”
“Gone?” Leanne was confused. “Who? Petra?”
Ben nodded, pacing about the lounge. He explained that, after his arrival the previous evening, he had gone over to the flat Petra had been living in, to find that she, and all her belongings had vanished. The landlord had told him that Petra had left without paying her rent and had left no forwarding address.
“I don’t understand.” said Ben. “Why? I thought we’d got everything settled. Where could she have gone?”
Leanne couldn’t offer any explanation.
“I’ve got to find her.” Ben muttered, his tone desperate.
He went into the study and Leanne could hear him on the phone, obviously ringing everyone they both knew in the hope of finding some clue to her whereabouts.
“Any luck?” Leanne asked, when he emerged from the study an hour later.
Ben shook his head, his expression forlorn. He sat down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar, putting his elbows on the worktop and holding his head in his hands, shaking it. He looked so dejected Leanne bit her lip as tears pricked her eyes. She remembered how she’d felt when she discovered Tony had been two-timing her. Initially disbelief, followed by anger, then humiliation, then a deep, deep sadness that had left her an emotional wreck for months. It hurt her to see Ben suffering those same feelings now and, before she knew what she was doing, she’d crossed the room to stand by him, putting an arm around his shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly.
“Things’ll work themselves out.” she told him, resisting the urge to kiss his cheek.
Ben drew himself up, removing his hands from his face and raking them up through his hair.
“Yeah.” he said quietly.
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The next day, Ben had hired a private investigator to try and track Petra down. Two weeks later, there was still no clue as to where she had gone. The investigator had followed up several leads but, so far, had drawn a blank and Ben had had to begin work on the second series of the show with the situation still unresolved.
Since hiring the investigator, he’d become increasingly edgy and withdrawn, and Leanne wondered if he could cope with the added pressure his work would put on his already strained nerves. But, surprisingly, his work didn’t seem to suffer. Indeed, he turned in some marvellous performances as he allowed the emotions he was feeling to come through in his acting.
At the end of each day however, he would come home drained, where he would either sleep the night away, or else sit unseeingly in front of the t.v.
He refused all invitations to go out, and seemed to have no interest in anything other than finding Petra.
Leanne began to go to Ben’s later in the day, so that she could be there when he got home in the evening and make sure that he had something to eat before she left, knowing that, left to his own devices, he wouldn’t bother.
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It was three months before the investigator finally tracked Petra down.
He called at Ben’s one Friday evening, just as Leanne was preparing to leave for the day, when he informed Ben that Petra had gone to New York, and was living with a man.
“The baby?” Ben asked, breathlessly.
“She’s still pregnant.” replied the investigator.
Ben looked relieved.
“From the looks of her, she hasn’t got long to go.”
“Another month.” Ben muttered.
“Here is the address and phone number.” the investigator handed Ben a sheet of paper.
Ben stared at the piece of paper, his expression a mixture of relief, shock and uncertainty.
“Does this bring the investigation to a satisfactory conclusion?” the investigator asked, hopefully.
Ben looked at him. “Mmm? Oh, yes. Thank you for your assistance Mr. Carson. If you send me your account, I’ll settle immediately.”
The investigator smiled. “Thank you, Mr. Gallagher.”
Leanne showed the investigator out. As she closed the front door, she saw Ben in the study, dialling the phone number on the sheet of paper the investigator had given him.
Leanne hovered in the hall, waiting to see what would happen.
She saw Ben tense as the phone was answered.
“Who is this?” she heard him ask. Then there was a pause before he continued.
“Is Petra there?... Petra Carrillo… I know she lives there…”
She saw Ben look at the receiver in disgust before slamming the phone down.
“Some guy answered.” he told Leanne as she peered around the study door. “He said there was no-one there called Petra Carrillo and that I had the wrong number.” He shook his head. “He’s lying. Carson’s a good P.I. If he says she’s there, she is.”
“Let me try.” said Leanne. “Maybe he might put me through. She might be expecting you to try and find her and told whoever answered the phone to tell all male callers that she doesn’t live there.”
“Alright.” Ben handed her the phone and she dialled the number.
“Yeah?” A male voice, with a strong New York accent, answered the phone.
“Can I speak to Petra please?”
“Who?”
“Petra Carrillo.”
“Aint no-one here by that name. You got the wrong number.” the voice snapped before the line went dead.
“Well?” Ben’s eyes bored into hers.
Leanne shrugged. “Same thing.”
Ben swore under his breath.
“I would leave it until tomorrow, before you ring again, if I were you.” Leanne told him. “They’ll be expecting you to call again now. Perhaps you could pretend to be the IRS, or somebody? I’m sure they wouldn’t hang up on them.”
“Yeah, maybe.” sighed Ben, looking disheartened.
The next day, when Ben tried the number again, Petra had answered the phone herself. As soon as she heard Ben’s voice, she said he had the wrong number and hung up, but Ben had recognised her voice and had booked himself on the next available flight to New York to go and see her in person.
“Do you think that’s wise?” asked Leanne, when he told her he was flying out the next morning.
“She won’t talk to me on the phone. What am I supposed to do?”
“But, if she’s living with some guy, he might turn nasty.” said Leanne.
“I can take care of myself.” Ben replied. “I have to see her. I have to know why she left like that, what she’s going to do, about the baby… about our relationship.”
The studio hadn’t been very keen on the idea of Ben flying off in the middle of their filming schedule, but Ben had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t give a damn what they did about it.
“Sue me.” he told them. “I don’t care. Right now, this is more important to me than some t.v. show.” And so, reluctantly, they had given him permission to take time off.
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