No Regrets
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- 7 -
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​
When he arrived back in Porterville, Lom went by way of the farm to report to the Kid.
“Sounds like he’s got a long haul ahead.” said the Kid as they drank coffee in the kitchen.
“Yeah.” agreed Lom, “Doctor Deveraux wouldn’t commit himself as to how well he thinks he’ll recover.”
They fell silent momentarily. Presently, Lom said, “He thinks Doc Simpson is a great doctor. He says he did a hell of a job with Heyes’ legs considering the injuries he sustained.”
“I agree.” said the Kid.
“I’ll have to tell him next time I see him.” said Lom, sipping his coffee, “Heyes was insistent that we don’t visit him,” he continued, “and I suppose I can understand his reasons.” He told him what Heyes had said to him before he left.
“I guess he’s got a point,” agreed the Kid, “but I don’t think that’s the whole reason. I wonder how long he’ll be there?”
Lom shrugged. “Several months I would think. He said he’ll be in touch when he’s ready to leave.”
“I hope so.” replied the Kid thoughtfully.
When Lom went back to work the next day, he was visited by Ben Walters, asking how Joshua had faired on the journey to Cheyenne.
“O.K.” said Lom, "He’s got a long road ahead of him, but if anyone can succeed, Joshua can.”
Ben nodded. “Well, his job is waiting for him when he does come back, whether he’s recovered or not.”
“Thanks Ben.” smiled Lom.
​
* * *
​
During Heyes’ first two weeks at the Institute, they concentrated on exercises to build strength back into his muscles, and to improve the flexibility of his joints. They were tiring, and often painful, but he endured them without complaint, knowing that they were his best hope of getting back on his feet.
After two weeks Doctor Deveraux thought he was strong enough to attempt getting on his feet with the aid of crutches.
Initially, Heyes couldn’t get his balance at all, and had to have someone supporting him, and trying to walk was like being bogged down in quicksand. His legs felt wobbly and his muscles were slow to respond to his commands, and, because he had still not recovered all of the sensation in his feet, he had difficulty in judging when they were actually on the ground. But, after a few days, he could stand alone, although an orderly was always close by lest he should fall, and after six weeks he had made enough progress for the doctor to suggest he try using walking sticks instead of crutches.
It was then that Heyes realized just how much he had relied on the crutches, and how much work he still had to do. While using the crutches he had learned to shuffle rather than taking proper steps, letting the crutches take most of his weight. Now he had to start all over again learning to walk properly. At first, he made very little progress. He had now regained most of the sensation in one foot but not in all of the other, which caused him lots of problems with his balance, and, taking his weight on the walking sticks made his back, arms and shoulders ache. But he persisted, despite being exhausted and in pain a large part of the time, and, gradually, he began to improve. He had been at the Institute for almost four months then, and Doctor Deveraux was pleased with the progress he’d made. However, Heyes, typically, was far from satisfied with his recovery rate, having expected to be much further down the road to recovery by this time than he was.
​
Back at the farm, the Kid was having problems of his own. There was more work than he and Joey could comfortably handle, but his budget wouldn’t run to him taking on another hand until at least the end of the year. Between them, he and Joey could just about keep up with the day-to-day running of the farm, but everything else went out of the window. The sink was always full of dirty dishes and the Kid would just rinse one when he needed it, and more often than not, he would get back into his bed at night without bothering to make it. The cabin needed a good clean and he was running low on firewood, not having had time to chop any. He was also falling behind with his bookkeeping because he was just too tired in the evenings to sit down and tackle it.
One night there was a violent thunderstorm and the rush of rainwater brought down a piece of worn guttering on the farmhouse roof. The next morning, the Kid decided he had to make time to fix it before he started the rest of the day’s tasks, and went to get the necessary equipment.
He climbed up onto the roof in order to secure the guttering, but the roof timbers were slimy after the previous night’s downpour, and before he realized what was happening, he’d lost his footing and slipped off the roof the crash onto the ground below.
He was still unconscious on the ground ten minutes later when Joey arrived for work.
Wisely, Joey didn’t attempt to move him. Kneeling down at his side, he bent to listen for a heartbeat, relieved when he heard one.
“Thaddeus?” he called, “Can you hear me?”
The Kid stirred slightly and groaned.
“Thaddeus.” Joey called again.
The Kid groaned again and attempted to move, but Joey stopped him, worried in case he’d sustained an injury to his spine.
“Lie still.” he told him, feeling over his body for any sign of fractures. He couldn’t feel anything obvious, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t badly hurt.
Joey went inside and fetched a blanket, which he wrapped tightly round him.
“Thaddeus, can you hear me?”
“Mmm.” The Kid muttered.
“Just you lie still, while I fetch the doctor. Do you understand?” he asked anxiously.​
“Mmm.” The Kid groaned.
“I won’t be long. Now stay still.” Joey said again, before jumping on his horse and heading off at a gallop.
When he returned with Doctor Simpson twenty minutes later, the Kid was still lying where he’d left him, still only semi-conscious.
After checking him over for any serious injuries, the doctor and Joey carried him inside and laid him on his bed, where the doctor gave him a more detailed examination, diagnosing a dislocated shoulder, two cracked ribs a sprained wrist and a severe concussion. With Joey’s help the doctor managed to realign his shoulder, strapped up his wrist and then cleaned a cut on his forehead.
“You were very lucky.” He told the Kid when his senses had cleared enough for him to understand what he was saying, “You could have broken your neck falling from that height. You should know better than to tackle jobs like that when no-one else is around to help.”
The Kid tried to sit up, but gave up with a groan of pain.
“You won’t be able to work for at least a week, more likely two.” the doctor told him, “And then only light work for a while.”
“But… I can’t afford not to work.” the Kid protested.
“Well, you’re just going to have to manage.” the doctor told him. Then, looking about him, “This place is a mess. I’ll send my niece over to clean up and look after you for a few days.”
“But…” the Kid opened his mouth to protest, but the doctor cut him off.
“No buts. She’ll come over tomorrow.”
The doctor left then, and the Kid and Joey tried to work out which work Joey could keep on top of, and what could be left until the Kid was fit enough to work.
“I’m sorry about this, Joey.” the Kid told him, “I’ll make it up in your wages after the next market trip.”
“That’s O.K.” said Joey.
The Kid still seemed woozy and Joey was concerned about him being alone at the house overnight.
“I think I’d better stay here the night.” he told him, “Just to keep an eye on you.”
“I’ll be O.K.” said the Kid, but Joey insisted. He slept in the other bedroom and cooked them both breakfast the next morning.
The Kid had intended to get up, but he was too stiff and in too much pain, so Joey served his breakfast on a tray.
The Kid wasn’t really hungry, as he still felt a little nauseous, but he didn’t want to disappoint Joey after he’d taken the trouble to prepare it, so he forced himself to eat it.
After breakfast Joey went off to start work and the Kid slept.
A knock on the door just before noon woke him from his slumber, and a female voice called out, “Anyone home?”
“In here.” the Kid croaked.
A moment later a head poked around the door.
“You must be Thaddeus?”
The Kid nodded.
The girl stepped into the room. She was probably in her mid twenties, with wavy auburn hair that hung past her shoulders, and green eyes that twinkled mischievously. ”I’m Julia Randle.” she announced, with a pleasant, lop sided smile, “Doctor Simpson’s niece.”
She was clad in over-large dungarees and a blue and white checked shirt.
“Oh.” was all the Kid could manage in reply.
“You fell off the roof?” Julia turned the question into a statement.
The Kid nodded.
Julia pulled a face. “Does it hurt much?”
“Some.” the Kid nodded.
“Well, don’t worry, I’ll take care of things.”
“Look, Julia… you don’t have to do this. It was your Uncle’s idea, not mine. I’m afraid I can’t pay you much…”
“That’s no problem.” smiled Julia, beginning to tidy up as she talked, “I can probably help you out on the farm too if you need it.” she added. When the Kid looked doubtful she said, “My Father has a ranch, so I’m used to manual work.”
“Oh.” the Kid said again.
“Well, I’ll go and make a start out there.” she nodded towards the kitchen, “Do you want anything before I start?” she enquired. “A drink? A book? Something to eat?”
“Nothing, thank you.” muttered the Kid, watching her head towards the kitchen, pulling her hair back as she went and securing it with a piece of blue ribbon which she produced from her pocket.
For the next hour, he could hear her washing dishes, tidying cupboards and sweeping floors, humming to herself as she did so. Then he heard her move on to the other bedroom, changing the bed linen and dusting and sweeping.
The Kid must have dozed off then, because when he next woke Julia was outside, washing the windows. She saw him looking at her and stuck her tongue out at him. He laughed and she grinned back at him.
At six o’clock, she appeared with a tray, on which was a cold meat salad, some crusty bread and a mug of coffee.
She set down the tray on the dresser and bent to help him into a sitting position before placing the tray on his lap.
“How are you feeling?” she asked as she straightened up.
“Not too bad.” replied the Kid, “I still feel a bit groggy, but my headache’s almost gone.”
“Nasty thing, concussion.” said Julia, “I had one once, when I fell off my horse. I felt sort of… distant… like everyone was talking to me from the other end of a tunnel.”
The Kid nodded. “Yeah. That’s how I feel.” He took a sip of coffee before saying, “You’ve worked really hard today. Thank you. The place isn’t always this messy. My friend, Joshua, was hurt and I spent a lot of time at your Uncle's surgery with him and I’ve kinda fallen behind with things since then.
“What happened to him?” Julia sat on the edge of the bed, obviously keen to chat.
“He was injured… in an accident. He went away to get specialist help.”
“How long ago?”
“Just over four months.” said the Kid, “I’m hoping he’ll be back soon.” He trailed off, his mind elsewhere. He and Lom had honoured Heyes’ request not to visit, or contact Doctor Deveraux for information on his condition, and he was curious as to how he was progressing.
“How was he hurt?” Julia’s voice broke into his thoughts.
“He was in a cave-in at the mine.” said the Kid, “He was pinned under the rubble. His legs were badly damaged.”
Julia grimaced at the thought. “How awful.”
“We thought he might have to lose one leg but, thank God, your Uncle managed to save it.” the Kid told her, “He’s gone to a clinic for specialist treatment to help him walk again.”
“I seem to remember Uncle Tom mentioning something about it.” Julia said, her nose wrinkling up as she tried to remember.
“Your Uncle’s been great.” the Kid told her, “I don’t know how we’d have managed without his help. He’s saved Joshua’s life twice so far.”
“Oh?” Julia prompted.
After months of hard work on the farm, it was nice to be able to relax and just talk, especially to someone as attractive as Julia, and the Kid found himself telling her all about Heyes’ fall and the blood clot it had caused in his head and of how her Uncle had operated even though he’d had doubts about his ability to perform the surgery.
“Your Uncle came to the rescue then too.” he told her, “If it hadn’t been for his quick action, Joshua would have died. He was lucky even so. The survival rate for that operation isn’t very high.”
Julia nodded sympathetically, feeling sorry for his friend but at the same time admiring his obvious determination to survive.
The Kid felt much better the next morning and decided to get up. As he tried to climb out of bed however, he had to sit down again with a gasp of pain, his ribs more painful than he’d expected. After a few moments, he tried again, managing to stand up, but walking hunched over, hugging his abdomen. He managed to dress and walked to the kitchen table where he had to sit down and catch his breath.
“What are you doing up?” Julia asked when she arrived at eleven.
“I felt better… until I got out of bed.” the Kid grinned sheepishly.
“You should have at least another day in bed, maybe two.” Julia told him.
Today she was clad in a pretty apple green dress that reflected the colour of her eyes, and her hair was pinned up at each side of her face with tortoiseshell combs. There was a time when the Kid would have made a play for her, but, since Laura, he’d had no interest in forming any lasting relationships with women. If he felt the need for physical comfort, he called on the saloon girls in town. They satisfied his physical desires without him having to get emotionally involved with them.
It crossed his mind that maybe Julia had dressed like that today to purposely to catch his eye, but if she had, she didn’t seem offended by his lack of interest.
Julia visited every day during the next few weeks, and she and the Kid became firm friends. As well as cleaning the house and preparing supper, she helped out on the farm, planting seeds, milking the cow, grooming the horses, and a variety of other chores so that Joey could get on with the heavier work. The Kid contemplated asking her to carry on working for him even after Heyes returned, if he ever did. The Kid was beginning to have his doubts. He couldn’t pay Julia very much, but he valued her friendship a great deal and wanted it to continue.
* * *
After a month of using two walking sticks to walk with, Heyes graduated to one. It was his intention to get rid of that too, but he found it extremely difficult to walk without it. He had still not recovered all of the sensation in his right foot, which affected his balance and made it almost impossible to walk without some sort of support.​
He persevered for another month, but was still only able to walk for a short time without the stick, and even then, he relied on holding onto furniture and doors for added support.
Doctor Deveraux told him that they had done all they could for him, and that any further improvement would only be effected over time. But mentally, Heyes wasn’t ready to accept that and asked if he could stay on a little longer.
Doctor Deveraux said that, left up to him, he could stay indefinitely, but he had other patients waiting to come to the clinic and needed his room, but told him that he could accommodate him for another two weeks.
Heyes spent that two weeks trying to decide where to go from here. He had hoped to make a full recovery and was ashamed to go back to Porterville not having achieved that. But he had nowhere else to go, and he had missed the Kid and Lom. Ben Walters had also promised to keep his job open for him. If he went somewhere else, he’d be unlikely to find work in his present condition. But it was hard for him to think of going back and facing them without being completely recovered, even though he had promised the Kid that whatever the outcome, he would return. Heyes knew it wouldn’t matter to them whether he’d recovered or not. But it mattered to him.
After much contemplation, he reconciled himself to going back to Porterville. He was afraid of going back to face them, of what they would think of him, but the thought of never going back scared him even more.
He went to see Doctor Deveraux and asked him if he would book him a place on the stage the following week. He had promised to let Lom and the Kid know when he was coming back, but he knew that if they knew in advance, they would organise some kind of welcome home party for him, and he didn’t want that, so he wrote out a wire for Lom and asked Doctor Deveraux if he would send it in time to arrive a couple of hours before he did. That way, they wouldn’t have time to plan anything.
The following Friday afternoon, Lom was sitting in his office when Joe, the telegraph operator came in.
“Hi, Joe. What can I do for you.” smiled Lom.
“This wire just came for you.” Joe handed him the piece of paper, which Lom unfolded and read.
“Finished treatment. On my way back. Will arrive Friday. 4pm stage. J.”
Lom checked his watch. It was after two thirty now.​
“Thanks, Joe.” Lom folded up the paper and put it in his pocket, pondering on the unwritten words in Heyes’ wire.
He kept an eye open for the arrival of the stage, and went out to meet it when it pulled in at four fifteen.
The doors opened and people began climbing down. Lom looked up to see Heyes sitting by the window, waiting for the others to disembark.
“Hi.” Lom smiled up at Heyes, who looked down at him with an apprehensive expression.
“Hi.” He said finally, giving him a weak smile, “You got my wire then?”
“Just this afternoon.” said Lom reproachfully.
“I didn’t want any fuss.” Heyes said quietly, in explanation of why he’d left it so late to advise of his arrival.
Lom nodded. “How did it go?”
Heyes shrugged. Everyone else had now left the coach, so he moved towards the door.​
Lom walked around to the other side of the coach to meet him, eyeing the walking stick he was leaning on.
“I’m hoping to get rid of this soon.” Heyes told him, looking uncomfortable.
Lom nodded. “Let me get your bag.” he said, bending to pick it up. Then they headed across the street to Lom’s office.
Heyes sat down on a chair in front of Lom’s desk, while Lom poured them each a glass of scotch from a flask he kept in his desk.
“It’s good to see you.” Lom told him as he handed him a glass.
“Thanks.” Heyes took the glass.
“You’re looking well.” said Lom. He had gained a little weight and the pallor he’d had when he left for the Institute had been replaced by a healthy looking tan after spending most of his time outdoors as he’d worked to get back on his feet.
Heyes didn’t reply.
“I’m amazed how well you’ve done in such a short time.” Lom told him. It had been almost seven months, “The way you were when you left, I thought it might be much longer before you’d be back on your feet.”
“It hasn’t been easy,” said Heyes, “and I’ve still got a way to go yet.”
Lom nodded but said nothing.
“Have you told the Kid about my coming back?” Heyes asked.
“When have I had the chance?” scoffed Lom, “I only found out myself an hour and a half ago.”
“It was… easier… to face you… without you knowing that I haven’t recovered fully.” Heyes said seriously, “Does that make sense?” He looked at Lom now.
“I think so.” said Lom, “But you know, it doesn’t matter to us how much, or how little, you recover, just that you’re alive.”
“But it matters to me.” Heyes replied gruffly.
Lom sighed. “I know,” he nodded, “and I know you feel like you’ve failed because you need that thing.” He nodded to the walking stick, “But I think you’ve done great, and I know the Kid will too.”
Heyes shrugged dismissively.
“I think I’ll go over there now.” he said, “Did you come to work on your wagon today, or on your horse?”
“By horse.” replied Lom.
“I’ll go hire a wagon then.” said Heyes. He wasn’t fit enough yet to ride a horse competently.
“Will you stay there tonight?” asked Lom.
“If I’m welcome.”
“Of course you are.” retorted Lom, “He’s hoping you’ll move into the farm with him instead of living here in town. He’s missed you.”
Heyes smiled, getting to his feet and picking up the walking stick. Lom watched him as he walked slowly to the door, noticing how precisely he had to place his feet, and realized how hard he’d had to work just to get this far. It would be some time before he would be able to walk without the stick, if ever, and he knew how distressing that was to Heyes, who had always been fit and active.
“I’ll see you in a day or two.” Lom told Heyes as he opened the door.
“O.K.” said Heyes.
* * *
​
At the farm, Julia was just preparing supper after her afternoon’s chores. Thaddeus usually arrived home around six o’clock and was so tired after his days work that if he didn’t eat straight away, he fell asleep and didn’t bother afterwards, so she tried to have a meal ready for him before he arrived. They had become close friends in the six weeks she had been helping out at the farm, and she thoroughly enjoyed working for him, listening to stories of his life before taking over the farm, and of his and Joshua’s travels. The Kid hadn’t told her anything that might give her a clue as to who they really were. He wanted her to think of him as what he was trying to be, a decent, honest, hardworking citizen.
Julia heard a wagon pull up and, finishing stirring the pot of stew she had on the stove, she moved towards the window to look who it was arriving.
Just then, there was a knock on the door, but before she could move to answer it, the door opened and a stranger appeared in the doorway.
“Oh!” Heyes’ eyes widened, startled to see a strange, and rather pretty, girl standing there.
Julia just stared at him. Not because she was afraid, because she knew straight away who he was from Thaddeus’ descriptions and the walking stick that he was leaning on, but because of the effect he was having on her.
“I was… er… looking for Thaddeus.” Heyes said now.
“You’re Joshua.” Julia said in a strangely breathless voice. She’d liked everything Thaddeus had told her about him, and had formed a picture in her mind of him. But that picture didn’t do justice to the man stood before her now. She could feel her face start to flush as she stared at him, and her knees suddenly felt weak.
He looked nervous, and a bit little-boy-lost, but at the same time, there was an aura of strength and determination about him, and a twinkle in his eye that was testimony to the wicked sense of humour Thaddeus had told her he possessed.
Heyes removed his hat and inclined his head politely.
“You have me at a disadvantage, M’am." He smiled, and Julia's heart missed a beat, "You seem to know me, but I don’t know you, I’m sorry to say.”
“It’s Miss.” Julia muttered.
“Miss.” Heyes corrected himself, “Miss who?”
“Randle… Julia Randle.” Julia replied finally. Then, remembering herself, “Please, come in. Thaddeus should be back any minute now.”
Heyes entered the room.
“I’ve been helping Thaddeus with the chores these past few weeks.” Julia explained, knowing that he wouldn’t know why she was there.
“I don’t know where he found you from, but you’ve done a great job.” said Heyes, looking about him at the spotless kitchen, the vase of flowers on the table and the flowered curtains Julia had made for the window.
“Thank you.” smiled Julia. For some reason it was important that he appreciated what she’d done.
“You’ll be staying for supper of course?” asked Julia.
“I hope so.” smiled Heyes, “It smells good.”
He crossed to the stove to look what was cooking, while Julia stood watching him, noticing how he tried to appear dignified despite his obvious embarrassment at the slow and deliberate way he had to walk.
“It’s only stew.” Julia looked embarrassed as Heyes bent to smell it.
“You’re too modest.” said Heyes straightening up and smiling the smile that was making her heart do cartwheels, “It smells delicious.”
“Wait until you’ve tried it.” giggled Julia, “You might not think the same then.”
Before Heyes had time to reply, the door opened and the Kid walked in.
“Heyes…!” he gasped in surprise, stopping in his tracks.
Heyes turned to look at him.
“Hi.” he said quietly, giving him a nervous smile.
“I wasn’t… I mean… you said… Why didn’t you let me know you were coming?” stammered the Kid.
Heyes shrugged, looking uncomfortable now.
They stared at each other for a long moment, while Julia stood watching them, too mesmerised by Heyes to notice the Kid call him by his real name.
Neither spoke, but a thousand words passed between their eyes. Then the Kid strode across the room and threw his arms around him in a bear hug.
“It’s good to see you, buddy.” he said gruffly, as Heyes returned the embrace, while Julia looked on with tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat, touched by the obvious depth of friendship between them.
Presently, the Kid put Heyes to arms length.
“I didn’t think you’d be back yet awhile.” he told him, “You’ve done great.”
Heyes looked embarrassed. “I’ve still got a way to go.” he told him, “But they’ve done all they can at the Institute. It’s just a matter of time now.”
The Kid nodded. “When did you get back?” he asked, “Have you eaten? Have you seen Lom?”
“I got back about an hour ago. No, I haven’t eaten and yes, I did see Lom. I’ve just come from his office.”
“Well, let’s eat then.” said the Kid. He moved towards the table, “Oh, sorry, I forgot, you don’t know Julia do you? She’s been helping me out with the chores.”
“We were just introducing ourselves when you came in.” said Heyes. Turning to Julia he answered her first question, “Yes, I’m Joshua. Joshua Smith.”
“Pleased to meet you.” smiled Julia.
They sat down and Julia served up the stew. When they’d eaten, Heyes turned to her and smiled.
“I haven’t changed my mind.” he told her, “That’s the best stew I’ve tasted in years.”
“You must have eaten in some pretty low class restaurant’s then.” said Julia, “Cooking isn’t my best subject. I’m too much of a tomboy.”
“I’ll have you know, we’ve eaten in some of the best restaurants in the country.” grinned the Kid, “But he’s probably comparing your stew with his own cooking, and anything would taste good after that.” he teased Heyes, “Not that yours wasn’t.” he added, “It was great.”
Heyes tried to look insulted. “Ignore him.” he said to Julia, “I may not be the world’s best cook, but I know good food when I taste it.”
Julia blushed. “Thank you.”
The Kid eyed her curiously. During the six weeks she’d been helping out at the farm, she’d always been outspoken, cheeky even, not embarrassed to ask any question, yet she had hardly spoken a word over supper and was blushing at the slightest thing.
After she’d cleared away the dishes Julia said she would be leaving for the night.
“It’s nice to have met you, Joshua.” she told Heyes as she wrapped her shawl around her shoulders.
Heyes got to his feet politely, holding the edge of the table for support.
“Likewise.” he smiled at her.
Julia looked at the Kid now. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” she told him before scurrying out of the door.”
Heyes settled back down onto his seat and the Kid poured them another cup of coffee.
“I don’t know where you found her from but she’s a little gem.” said Heyes.
“She’s Doc Simpson’s niece.” the Kid told him, as he handed him his coffee. He told Heyes about falling off the roof and cracking his ribs and how Doctor Simpson had insisted she come round and clean the place up when he saw what a mess it had become.
“You were lucky.” said Heyes, “You could have killed yourself falling from that height.”
“I know.” acknowledged the Kid, “I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention to what I was doing. I was so preoccupied with everything I had to do, and wondering how you were getting on.” He looked at Heyes now, “I’m glad to see you, but I really didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”
They adjourned to the hearth and sat chatting.
Heyes told him about his rehabilitation programme at the Institute, and the Kid filled him in on everything that had happened while he’d been away.
Eventually, the Kid said, “I’m gonna have to go to bed, or I’m not gonna get up in the morning.” When Heyes said nothing, the Kid said, “You are staying, aren’t you?”
“If I’m invited.” said Heyes. He had been wondering if there was something going on between the Kid and Julia, in which case he didn’t want to embarrass them by hanging around.
“Heyes.” The Kid reproached him, “I want this to be as much your home as mine. You could move in here, instead of paying out for rooms in town, and maybe give me a hand doing my books?” He smiled, “Please?”
“Alright. Thanks.” smiled Heyes, “I just don’t want to cramp your style.”
“Huh?” The Kid looked puzzled.
“With Julia.” said Heyes.
The Kid laughed out loud. “There’s nothing going on between me and Julia.” He said, “In fact, I rather think she’s taken a shine to you.”
Heyes raised a sceptical eyebrow. He didn’t believe anyone would give him a second glance now, with his disabilities.
“So,” the Kid changed the subject, “are you ready to turn in?”
Heyes nodded. “Yeah. I am pretty tired.”
“You go on.” said the Kid, nodding towards the bedroom. ”The bed is made up. I’ll lock up.”
“O.K. See you tomorrow.” Heyes got up, picked up his walking stick and headed off towards the bedroom. The Kid sat watching him. It broke his heart to see him struggle to walk because he knew how Heyes hated it.
After Heyes had entered the bedroom and closed the door, the Kid went out and unhitched the horse from the wagon. He would arrange for Joey to return it and the wagon to the livery tomorrow.
Returning to the cabin, he locked up and headed for his own room, feeling a certain sense of contentment in the knowledge that he wasn’t alone any longer. Heyes was back.
* * *
​
The Kid got up at sunrise the next morning and fixed himself a quick breakfast.
When he’d finished, there was no sign of Heyes, so he wrote a note to say he’d gone out to the North Pasture and would be back at lunch time.
Heyes didn’t get up until ten o’clock, and then spent an hour over breakfast, reading through the previous day’s newspaper that Julia had left behind.
He jumped when Julia arrived at eleven.
“Sorry if I startled you.” she said, looking just as startled as he to see him sitting there, “I guess I should have knocked, but… I’m so used to the house being empty when I get here…” she trailed off, staring at him. She had thought him extremely handsome the previous day, even tired and dishevelled from travelling, but after a good night’s sleep and a wash and shave he looked devastating, and as he smiled at her now, she could feel her legs going weak.
“That’s O.K.” he said cheerily, “I was engrossed in the paper and didn’t hear you arrive.”
“How are you feeling today?” Julia asked casually, busying herself hanging up her coat and looking for her cleaning rags.
“Much better after a good night’s sleep.” Heyes replied, “I’ve just made a fresh pot of coffee if you’d like one.” he added.
“I had one before I left.” Julia told him, feeling suddenly embarrassed to be alone with him, “Do you mind if I get started on your room?”
“By all means.” Heyes smiled again and Julia scurried away before he could see her cheeks flush.
The Kid arrived back at noon, with Joey, and they all sat down to lunch. Later, Joey took the wagon and horse back to the livery, taking another horse along to ride back on, and the kid sat chatting to Heyes for half an hour before going back to his work.
Heyes went to sit on the porch with a book, while Julia did the chores and prepared supper. She was glad he’d gone outside for she could scarcely breathe when she was in the same room with him. She had been attracted to several men in the past, but none had had the effect on her that he did, and the worse thing was that he seemed completely unaware of it.
She made some fresh coffee at three o’clock, but when she went out to see if he wanted some, she found him asleep, his head leaning against the wing of the chair, the book he’d been reading still in his hand face down across his chest, his other hand lying across his stomach.
Julia stood there, drinking in the sight of him while he was unaware of her, taking in his smooth even features and well shaped mouth, his sweeping dark eye lashes and aquiline nose that turned ever so slightly up at the end, giving him an almost effeminate, yet at the same time slightly sinister and feline look to his finely boned face. The wind ruffled his dark hair across his forehead, the sun picking up auburn glints as it did so.
He was the most beautifully handsome man she had ever seen, and she knew there and then that she loved him, and would never love anyone else.
Heyes drew in a breath and let it out in a deep sigh, shifting a little in the chair. The book slipped from his hand and fell to the floor. Julia jumped, and ducked back inside the house, afraid that he would wake and find her there. But he slept on, and Julia poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table, pondering on what to do.
It was obvious that he was unaware of her attraction to him, and also that he wasn’t attracted to her. He was friendly, but showed no indication of wanting to take that friendship any further than just that. But he was driving her insane and she knew she couldn’t go on seeing him every day without making a fool of herself. She would have to cut back on her visits. It would seem reasonable enough to Thaddeus. Now that Joshua was back, there was no need for her to be here every day. He could do some of the light jobs, and the cooking, and she could do the other jobs on other days.
Yet, even as she made her plans, she dreaded seeing less of him. She couldn’t believe she could feel this way about someone she’d known for only a day, and yet she knew, without a shred of doubt, that her feelings were true and lasting.
When the Kid arrived back at four o’clock, Heyes was still sleeping.
Julia saw him pause as he stepped onto the porch, looking at Heyes with concern. Then he continued on into the house.
“You’re early.” smiled Julia.
“Yeah.” said the Kid, “I thought I ought to spend a little time with Joshua. Has he been asleep long?”
“A couple of hours I think.” Julia replied.
The Kid nodded thoughtfully, wondering if he were unwell, or just bored, stuck here all day with nothing to do, or rather, nothing that he was able to do.
“I’m glad you’re early.” said Julia, “I wanted to speak to you.”
“Oh?” the Kid raised an eyebrow.
Julia nodded, crossing to the stove to pour him a cup of coffee. “I was thinking of cutting back on my time here.” she told him, setting the cup on the table where he’d just seated himself, “Now that Joshua is here, there’s no need for me to be here every day. He can help you out.”
The Kid stared at her for several moments, obviously surprised by her words.
“What’s brought this on?” he asked presently. Just because Joshua’s here it doesn’t mean that you’re needed any less. Joshua is in no fit state right now to help out with the chores, and in any case, I expect he’ll be going back to his own job soon, and that’ll take up most of his time and all of his energy, especially if he carries on with his legal studies.”
“It’s not just because of Joshua.” Julia lied, “It just seems like I’m here all the time, and I’d like a bit more time for myself.” She paced the room as she spoke, “I know Joshua can’t do too much at the moment, but I think it would do him good to try. He won’t know how much he can do if he doesn’t try. And I’ll still come over two or three times a week and I can do all the things that he can’t manage then.”
The Kid nodded thoughtfully. He too thought it would do Heyes good to have a go at some of the chores, to keep his mind occupied.
“If that’s what you want, it’s fine with me.” he said presently.
The Kid went out to wake Heyes for supper and after she’d cleared away, Julia bid them farewell and said she would be back in two or three days. They didn’t see the tears on her face as she rode away. She desperately wanted to see Joshua again tomorrow, but what was the point? She would end up feeling even more miserable than she did now.
​
​
Heyes suffered a nightmare that night, waking the Kid in the early hours as he once again re-lived the ordeal of being trapped under the rubble in the mine.
He had suffered such nightmares on a regular basis since the cave-in, which left him so shaken, he had to spend the rest of the night with the lamp on.
The Kid got out of bed and hurried into Heyes’ room, lighting the lamp and worriedly bending to shake Heyes, who was thrashing about, his face beaded in perspiration.
“Heyes!” he called urgently, “Heyes, wake up.”
Heyes woke with a start, a look of terror in his eyes, his breath coming in short strangled gasps.
“Relax. It’s O.K.” the Kid soothed, “You were just dreaming.”
Heyes closed his eyes and lifted his hands to cover his face, taking a deep breath and letting it out in an anguished sigh, while the Kid poured him a glass of water.
“Here, drink this.” he told him, holding out the glass.
Easing himself into a half sitting position, Heyes reached out a trembling hand and took the glass, staring at the wall with a haunted look in his eyes as he sipped the water, while the Kid watched him worriedly.
“You O.K?” he asked presently.
Heyes made an obvious effort to pull himself together. “Yeah.” he said gruffly, although it was obvious he wasn’t, “I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“That’s O.K.” smiled the Kid, “What did you dream about?”
“The cave-in.” said Heyes, but didn’t elaborate, “I have them sometimes.” he continued presently.
“It’s understandable.” said the Kid, taking the now empty glass from his hand.
“What time is it?”
“After two.”
Heyes eased himself back down in the bed. “You go back to bed.” He told him, “You won’t be up in the morning otherwise.” The Kid had to be up at the crack of dawn to get started on milking and feeding the animals.
“If you’re sure you’re alright?” said the Kid.
“I’m O.K.” said Heyes, but as the Kid moved to turn out the lamp, Heyes said in a panicked voice, “Don’t.”
When the Kid turned to look questioningly at him, he said gruffly. “Leave it on... please.”
The Kid stared at him for a moment, realizing for the first time how much the accident at the mine had scarred him, not just physically, but mentally as well.
“O.K.” he replied presently, “I’ll just turn it down a bit. O.K.”
Heyes nodded. “Thanks.” he said quietly, averting his eyes.
When the Kid got up the next morning and poked his head around Heyes’ door to check on him, Heyes was fast asleep, the lamp still alight.
The Kid quietly entered and blew it out before creeping back out of the room.
Lom arrived just before noon, meeting the Kid as he returned from the fields to prepare lunch. Julia wasn’t coming again until Wednesday, so the Kid was just planning a light lunch of cold meat and salad.
As he and Lom rode towards the farmhouse, the Kid told him of Heyes’ nightmare the previous night.
Lom nodded. “He had one at my place, just after he moved up from Doc Simpson’s surgery.” he told him.
“I didn’t realise how much the accident had affected him.” said the Kid, “Not just physically, but in his mind.”
“It’s not surprising” said Lom, “Imagine being trapped down there in the dark for all those hours, unable to move, in excruciating pain, with a dead body for company and no certain hope of rescue.” He shook his head, “It doesn’t bear thinking about. It’d be enough to give anybody nightmares.”
The Kid nodded agreement.
Heyes was up when they arrived at the farmhouse and had managed to fix lunch.
“Thanks.” The Kid smiled gratefully at him as they sat down to eat.
“How are you feeling now?” asked Lom, “Recovered from the trip from Cheyenne?”
Heyes nodded, picking up his knife and fork and beginning to eat.
“I saw Ben Walters yesterday.” Lom told him, “He says he’s looking forward to seeing you back at work whenever you feel ready.”
“Maybe next week.” Heyes replied with his mouth full, “I’d like a few days first… to adjust.”
“Sure… whatever.” said Lom. He and the Kid exchanged glances, wondering what it was he felt he had to ‘adjust’ to, or from. The regimented regime at the Institute? The idea of going back to work? The fact that his recovery wasn’t as complete as he had hoped, and possibly never would be? Maybe all of those, Lom acknowledged.
In truth, Heyes had hoped that a little more time of walking and intensive exercise would improve his condition enough for him to be able to discard the walking stick before he went back to work. It was bad enough that Lom and the Kid knew that he hadn’t recovered fully. He didn’t want the whole world to know it too.
But by the end of the next week, there had been no significant improvement. In fact, if anything, he felt his condition had deteriorated. He’d worked so hard, he ached all over, and had suffered with bouts of cramp and pins and needles, yet was still unable to walk more than a short distance without the aid of the walking tick. He was disappointed, but still convinced that with perseverance he would improve. But when another week’s hard work brought little more improvement, he began to sink into depression, struggling to deal with the idea that that he might have to rely permanently on the walking stick to get about, having always believed that in time, with hard work, he would make a full recovery.
He stopped exercising and lost interest in everything, spending most of the time either in bed, or sitting on the porch gazing pensively into space. The only person who seemed able to reach through his melancholy was Julia.
On the days she came to the farm, she did her best to bring him out of himself, chatting endlessly to him, even when she knew he wasn’t properly listening, about anything and everything, laughing and joking and trying to cajole him out of his black mood. It was hard on her, emotionally, trying to act like a friend when all she wanted to do was put her arms around him and soothe away his pain, but she was compelled to do what she could to help him. And when she was around, his mood did improve considerably, although he seemed unaware of the effect she had on him.
Because he wasn’t doing anything to use up his energy or challenge his mind, he slept badly and was plagued almost nightly by nightmares about the cave-in, and about being crippled, that woke him, soaked in sweat and trembling in terror.
After a month of struggling to deal with it all, Heyes suddenly announced to the Kid one Saturday morning that he wanted to go to the mine.
“Huh?” The Kid, who was preparing a pot of coffee, turned his surprised gaze on him.
“I want to go to the mine.” Heyes repeated.
“What on earth for?” asked the Kid incredulously.
Heyes sighed, searching for a way to explain.
“I… have to go… back there… where I was trapped.” He paused momentarily, his expression anguished, “I was… so scared down there… it haunts me…” He shook his head, “If I’m ever going to put it behind me… I have to go back there… see it… face it…” he looked at the Kid now, “Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
The Kid nodded slowly. “Yeah. I can understand that you need to… face your demons…” he said quietly, briefly remembering how he’d had the need to go back to the farm after Laura’s death, to face what had happened. He also remembered how devastating it had been, “But, do you think you’re ready?” he asked him.
Heyes turned bleak eyes to his. “I don’t know.” he said gruffly, “But I have to do it… if I’m ever going to get any peace.”
The Kid nodded slowly. “When do you want to go?”
“The sooner the better.”
“We could go after breakfast if you want.” said the Kid.
“O.K.” said Heyes.
Neither spoke again while the Kid finished making the coffee.
As they were drinking it, Julia arrived.
When she found out where they were going, she suggested going along too, for moral support.
“It’s not the place for a woman.” said the Kid.
“I’d still like to come.” said Julia, “If Joshua doesn’t mind?” she looked questioningly at Heyes, who gave a dismissive shrug, “If you want to.”
Julia knew she shouldn’t put herself through the agony of spending any more time with him that she had to, but she too had sensed how badly the cave-in had scarred him emotionally, and felt the need to be there with him, to support him.
After breakfast, they all climbed onto the Kid’s wagon and set off towards the mine.
As soon as they pulled up outside the front gate of the mine, Heyes’ face paled, but he said nothing.
They climbed down, and the Kid went off to find Chuck, the Foreman, to ask permission to go inside, returning some minutes later.
“He says it’s O.K. There’s only a small crew on today.”
They headed towards the mine’s entrance, Heyes’ step getting slower and slower the nearer they got to the opening. The shafts had been stabilized back to where the cave-in had taken place, and additional shoring erected throughout. The miners had begun a case against the owners for negligence, but it had a long way to go through the courts and in the meantime, the owners had commissioned the best lawyers in the country to try and discredit their case. Undertaking strengthening measures was just one of the things they had been advised to do in the meantime. Heyes was aware of the measures that had been put in place, but that didn’t lessen his terror of going back in there.
When they got ten yards from the entrance, Heyes stopped walking. The Kid, who was in front of him, stopped and turned to look at him. His face was ashen and beaded in perspiration, his eyes full of fear, riveted on the opening.
“I- I… don’t… think I… can.” Heyes ground out.
“Sure you can.” The Kid said encouragingly, “You said yourself, you need to do it if you’re going to put it behind you.”
Heyes looked uncertain, but after a moment he nodded, and began to walk towards the entrance once more.
As soon as he stepped out of the sunlight into the shadows in the entrance however, he stopped dead in his tracks, a look of panic in his eyes, his breath coming in short, frightened gasps.
“I can’t…” he whispered, his knuckles white as he gripped his walking stick.
The Kid took his arm and could feel him trembling with fear.
“Come on, you can do it.” he encouraged, but Heyes shook his head.
Julia, who had intended to wait outside while they went in, now moved in front of them and stepped a few feet inside the shaft.
“Come on, Joshua. You can do it.” she told him, holding her hand out to him with a gentle smile.
Heyes stared at her for a long moment, something in her eyes reassuring him that it would be alright.
Eventually, he lifted his free hand and reached out to clasp her hand. Her smile broadened. “Come on.” she said quietly.
Heyes took a step towards her, his gaze shifting to the blackness within.
The Kid followed, as Julia, holding Heyes’ hand, led him into the mine. A few yards inside, he let go of her hand and moved towards the side wall of the mine, as though believing that keeping close to the side would somehow be safer than walking in the middle.
They pressed on, the Kid in front now, Heyes in the middle and Julia bringing up the rear. Heyes kept himself pressed close to the side of the tunnel, one hand continually in contact with it as he struggled to keep his balance on the uneven floor. It was silent save for Heyes’ laboured breathing.
A third of a mile inside the shaft, the tunnel turned sharply to the right. As they reached it, and lost sight of the dim glow of daylight from the entrance, Heyes froze, too terrified to continue, pressing himself back against the side of the tunnel, his eyes tightly closed.
“Don’t give up now.” the Kid told him, “It’s not much further.”
But Heyes shook his head, too terrified to even speak as memories of the cave-in filled his mind.
“Come on, Heyes.” the Kid said gently, forgetting about Julia, listening a few feet away, “You’re more than halfway. You can do it.”
Julia’s eyes widened in puzzlement as she heard the Kid’s use of Heyes’ real name, but she had no time to dwell on the significance of it as Heyes twisted away from him with a choked, “I can’t.” pressing himself to the wall.
She crossed to him and put her arm around his shoulder.
“Come on, it’s alright.” she soothed.
At her touch, Heyes turned and grabbed for her, pressing his face against her neck and throwing one arm around her, pulling himself to her. She could feel him trembling with fear “I... can’t..” he choked, “Please… get me out… please…” he pleaded, sounding on the verge of hysteria.
“Alright.” she told him, “It’s alright. Come on, let’s go back.”
Slowly, she led him back up the tunnel, his step slow and faltering, the Kid close behind.
Once outside in the sunlight, he left go of Julia and sank to his knees, too shaken, for the moment, to stand, bracing himself with the walking stick, his other hand covering his face, ashamed and embarrassed by his behaviour, but powerless to control it.
Julia knelt down in front of him and placed a hand on his shoulder, while the Kid hovered a couple of feet away, unsure what to do.
At her touch, Heyes croaked, “I feel... so… stupid. I wanted... to do it... but… I couldn’t…”
“I know. “ Julia said softly, her thumb gently stroking his neck.
Heyes removed his hand from his face and looked at her, his eyes seeking reassurance.
“It’s alright.” said Julia, the love in her eyes plain to see as she studied his pale face, “You can try again another day. There’s no rush.” Then, before she could stop herself she leaned forward and kissed him.
“I- I’m sorry,” she gasped as she hurriedly broke away, “I shouldn’t have done that.” she lowered her eyes, embarrassed.
Heyes just stared at her, stunned by the kiss, but even more so by the feelings it aroused in him.
Julia got to her feet and turned away. Heyes’ moist gaze followed her, full of confusion. He dragged his eyes from her as he felt the Kid’s hand on his arm.
“Come on, let’s go.” he said, helping him to his feet.
Heyes nodded, wiping his sleeve across his face and beginning to make his way over to the wagon.
“Julia?” the Kid called softly.
Julia turned and headed towards the wagon without looking at them.
No-one spoke on the journey back to the farm, each preoccupied with their own thoughts. Julia was mortified that she had allowed herself to reveal her feelings in such a way, and didn’t know what to do next. Heyes was upset and embarrassed by his behaviour in the mine, and stunned and confused by Julia’s kiss and the way it had affected him. The Kid felt bad for not having been able to help Heyes in his distress, and he too was curious to know how Heyes and Julia were going to deal with her actions at the mine. It was obvious to him that she was in love with Heyes, but he had no idea what Heyes felt.
Back at the farm, Julia scurried off to finish her chores and Heyes announced that he had a headache and was going to lie down for a while. It wasn’t totally a lie. He did have a headache, but he wanted some time to think things through.
Julia was so embarrassed by her behaviour at the mine that it wasn’t until after she arrived home that evening that she remembered Thaddeus calling Joshua ‘Heyes’.​
Like everyone else, she had heard of Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry, but not much had been heard of them in the last few years and it had been rumoured that they’d been killed. But there couldn’t possibly be any connection between Joshua and Hannibal Heyes. She’d heard the stories of how ruthless Heyes and Curry were. Joshua wasn’t like that. He was honest, gentle, kind, and honourable, everything that Heyes and Curry weren’t. She didn’t seriously consider for a moment that Joshua was Hannibal Heyes, but she was puzzled as to why Thaddeus had used the name. He always called him Joshua. She decided that she must have misheard him, that Thaddeus had used some nickname that sounded like Heyes.
As she lay in bed that night, she wondered what to do next. She couldn’t face seeing Joshua after her behaviour at the mine, but she also knew she couldn’t stay away either.​
She closed her eyes, remembering the kiss, the feel of his soft full lips and her stomach contracted.
At dusk, the Kid knocked on Heyes’ door. When he received no answer, he opened the door and looked in. Heyes was lying on the bed, his hands clasped beneath his head, staring up at the ceiling. The Kid entered the room and crossed to the bed.
“How’s the headache?” he asked.
Heyes shrugged. “O.K.” he muttered.
“Supper’s ready.” the Kid told him.
Heyes gave a deep sigh and nodded. “I’ll be right out.” he said, not looking at him.
The Kid left the room and a few minutes later Heyes joined him at the table.
“You O.K. now?” the Kid asked as they ate, his tone deliberately casual.
Heyes nodded. A few moments later he said. “I really wanted to do it. I just… couldn’t.”
The Kid nodded. “It’s not something you can put behind you overnight.” he told him, “But you can go back again when you feel up to it. There’s no rush.”
Heyes nodded. “I guess.” he said quietly.
The Kid didn’t mention Julia’s behaviour and Heyes didn’t either.
That night Heyes suffered another nightmare, waking the Kid as he cried out.
He got up and went to Heyes’ room, lighting the lamp.
Heyes was thrashing about, his face beaded in perspiration, his periodic yells interspersed with incoherent mutterings. The Kid’s eyebrows rose as he heard him mutter Julia’s name. Obviously her actions at the mine had had a considerable effect on him.
The Kid shook him awake and gave him a glass of water.
“I’m sorry to keep waking you like this.” Heyes said when he’d collected himself.
“It’s no problem.” smiled the Kid, “Are you alright now?”
Heyes nodded.
“Shall I leave the lamp on?”
Heyes nodded again.
“O.K. Try and get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” smiled the Kid before leaving the room.
Heyes was pretty quiet during the next few days, seeming lost in his thoughts.
Julia was conspicuous by her absence and, although Heyes said nothing of it, the Kid sensed that he was bothered by it. He had not spoken about the incident at the mine and the Kid didn’t want to bring up the subject first, so he left him to his thoughts and got on with the day to day running of the farm.​​
* * *
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