[Original 1978/Updated July 2024]
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Chapters: 14​​
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A FANTASY ROMANCE
by
Eleanor Ward
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Nita didn’t believe in fantasies, until she found herself living one.
Would it last? Or would the bubble be burst?​​​​​
Authors Note:
After a recent house move I discovered this, and several
other stories, written back in my teens, in one of the
many boxes that had been stored in our loft and not seen
the light of day for years. It's posted here for posterity.
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CHAPTER 1
LOS ANGELES, CA. NOVEMBER, 1978
The persistent ringing of the doorbell echoed in Alan Moreno’s ears, drawing him reluctantly back from his thoughts.
He struggled to his feet and made his way towards the door. The face of his friend, Brian McAlister, greeted him.
“Hi, Alan. Just thought I’d call round and check you were O.K.” The smile on the face faded, to be replaced by a frown.
Alan turned away and shuffled back into the living room. Brian followed, staring worriedly at his friend. Alan was obviously drunk. A half empty bottle of scotch hung limply from one hand, a full glass in the other. His shirt was open to the waist, its cuffs unbuttoned, the sleeves hanging over his hands. His dark hair was uncombed, his eyes dark and heavy from the combined effects of too much drink and too little sleep.
He flopped onto the sofa, waving the scotch bottle at Brian.
“Want one?”
“Alan, what are you doing?” Brian reproached him, raking a hand through his auburn hair and then stroking his ginger beard worriedly.
“Having a party… all on my ownio…” slurred Alan. “…But now you’re here, we can have one together…”
“No, Alan.” Brian took the bottle from him. “You’ve had enough.”
Alan turned doe-like eyes on Brian, pouting like a spoilt child. “Aw… don’t spoil it…”
Brian frowned, sitting down by him. “Come on, Alan, it’s time you pulled yourself together. You can’t go on like this.”
“Like what?” slurred Alan.
“Wallowing in self-pity. It’s doing you no good. It’s affecting your work.”
“Ha!” Alan spat the word. “My work.” He took a swig of his drink. “Mustn’t disappoint my fans, must I?” he sneered. “As long as I put on a good show, they don’t care... They all say they love me… but if I didn’t deliver the goods, they’d soon change their tune… They think you’re some kind of machine that doesn’t have problems like they do.” He paused to take another swig of scotch.
“Thousands of fans I’ve got…” he waved his arm in the air, “But who’s there when I need a friend?” He prodded himself in the chest. “Who?” He turned large sad eyes on Brian. “No-one.” He said, flatly.
“We go back a long way, Alan. You can talk to me.” said Brian, taking the glass from his hand and placing it on a glass topped coffee table in front of the sofa. “All this is because of Nita, isn’t it? Why don’t you call her?”
Alan shook his head. “She chose to go.” He paused, deep in thought. “I gave her everything she could want… and still she left… She couldn’t have loved me very much…” he trailed off, shaking his head to himself.
“You’ve got it wrong, Alan. All you have to do is call her and apologise.” Brian told him, but Alan was lost in his thoughts.
Brian shook his head, remembering the last time Alan had loved and lost. He’d almost cracked up then. Afterwards, he had built up defences, refused to let anyone get close to him again, sure that people weren’t interested in the real Alan Moreno, only in Alan Moreno the rich and famous singer. Then he’d met Nita, and in no time at all his carefully built defences had been broken down and he’d fallen in love again, thrown caution to the wind, come to rely on her, and her sudden departure, following an argument that Brian still didn’t know the details of, had wrecked his confidence, destroyed his self-respect and broken his heart.
Brian had known he would take it hard, but this was worse than he had expected.
“Alan,” Brian began, wondering how to get through to him.
“Go away…” Alan’s voice sounded flat and unnatural.
“But, you don’t understand…” Brian tried again.
Alan leaned forward, putting his head in his hands. “Go away.” he snapped.
“I don’t think I should leave you like this…”
“Please…” Alan’s voice was muffled through his hands. “… Leave me alone.”
“If you’re sure…?” Brian was reluctant. “Promise you’ll call if you need anything?”
When he didn’t reply, Brian reluctantly left.
Alan sat for some time, gazing at the ceiling, his brown eyes moist with unshed tears. “Oh God, Nita,” he groaned, “Why did you go?”
He got up and headed into the bathroom, suddenly aware of a pounding headache. Unconsciously, he opened the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of pain killers. He staggered back into the lounge and poured another glass of scotch, his thoughts full of Nita. Opening the bottle of pills, he poured several into his hand, throwing them into his mouth and swallowing them down with the scotch.
They’d had some good times, he and Nita. A few rough patches yes, but most of the time they had been deliriously happy.
Absently, he picked up the pill bottle and poured some more into his hand, once again downing them with scotch.
He reached out to put the pill bottle on the coffee table, but missed and the bottle fell to the floor.
He still couldn’t believe Nita was gone. He’d thought she would calm down in a day or two and come back, but it had been months now and there was no word from her.
Alan lay down on the sofa, a comfortable numbness creeping over him. He picked up the scotch bottle and took a swig from it, not bothering to pour it into the glass as his thoughts drifted back to the night he’d met her.
Feeling strangely lethargic, he stretched out on the sofa, his head on one arm, the scotch bottle in his other hand. He gazed into the fire as he drank, seeing her face pictured in it’s flames.
“Nita.” He murmured.
His eyelids began to droop. He was tired. So tired. The now empty scotch bottle slipped from his fingers as a red mist began to envelope him. Then, suddenly, he was falling, falling, the red mist darkening through burgundy to black...
-ooOOoo-
LONDON, ENGLAND. JANUARY 1978
The theatre lights came up at the end of the show.
Alan Moreno stood alone on the stage, listening to the thunderous applause.
His fans in London had waited a long time for this concert and after three encores they still wanted more.
Although a huge star in his native America, in England he commanded more of a cult following. His critics panned his music for being too ‘slushy’ or having ‘corny’ lyrics, but to the thousands of female fans before him there was no-one to compare.
In the crowd a young woman stood looking on.
Nita Langley had been a fan of his for years and when she discovered he was to do a concert at the theatre where she worked, she had volunteered to work overtime, helping with the cleaning up, so that she could watch the show and possibly catch a glimpse of him.
Alan Moreno waved to the crowd and made his final exit from the stage. Still high from the applause, he passed silently through members of his entourage, all of whom slapped him on the back with comments of “Nice one chief” and “Good show, Alan”. He walked down a narrow corridor to his dressing room, and his bodyguard hovered nearby to keep away any unwanted visitors while the road crew set about the task of dismantling the mountain of equipment in readiness to travel to the next venue.
As the crowd thinned out, the theatre staff moved in to begin clearing up.
Nita hovered in the backstage area, sweeping up. When most of the people had drifted away, and the bodyguard had temporarily disappeared, she walked quietly down the corridor towards the Dressing Room door.
Nita, no doubt like all of his fans, had fantasized about meeting Alan Moreno, but as she stood, now, looking at the door that separated him from her, her courage failed her. She raised her hand to knock, but then thought again. What would she say to him? She had no idea. Would he be angry that she had managed to slip past his bodyguard? Possibly. Would she get into trouble with her boss for disturbing a client? Very likely.
She sighed and turned to walk away.
She’d only gone a couple of paces when the door opened and Alan Moreno came out, fastening his wristwatch. Nita stopped and turned to look as he walked past her.
“Hi.” He muttered absently. A few steps further on, he stopped, as if sensing her gaze, and turned to look at her.
“Did you want something?” he asked.
“I…er… no… er…” she stuttered, lost for words.
He suddenly looked wary, obviously realising she was not one of his people and probably thinking she was some groupie who had managed to sneak past security.
“Who are you?” he asked suspiciously, as he glanced around him, obviously looking for his bodyguard.
“I work here.” Nita found her voice. “Part of the cleaning team.” She indicated the broom in her hand.
“Oh.” He relaxed a little. Then his expression changed. “You wanted to meet me?” he said knowingly.
Nita blushed. “I… well… Yes…” she stammered, “But I chickened out.” she added.
“Well, now you’ve met me. Do you want to ask me anything?” he raised an eyebrow, a glint of amusement in his eyes.
Nita flushed again, but with anger this time, mistakenly assuming he was mocking her, when in fact he was mocking himself.
“Yes.” she retorted. “How did you manage to get your head through that door?” She jerked her thumb in the direction of the Dressing Room.
Her gaze remained fixed on him her eyes unsmiling.
A look of hurt flashed through Alan’s eyes but it was gone before Nita was even sure she’d seen it. Then he threw back his head and laughed, and Nita thought how much more handsome he was in the flesh than in photographs she had seen of him.
An American of Italian descent, he stood over six feet tall, his black hair layer cut so that it framed his face, and draped temptingly over his jacket collar. His eyes were like huge brown pools and, as he laughed, he revealed even white teeth. The only flaw on his handsome face was a faint half inch long scar above his left eyebrow, the result of a streetfight in his youth.
“Well,” Alan’s laughter faded into a lopsided smile, “that has to be the most original question I’ve been asked so far.”
Nita suddenly saw the funny side and visibly relaxed.
“I’m sorry,” she giggled, “but you did rather ask for it.”
“I frequently do.” he replied, “But not too many people have the guts to say it to my face.” His gaze was openly admiring.
“I enjoyed your show.” Nita told him, hoping to make amends for her insult.
“Thank you.” he smiled. “You say you work here?”
Nita nodded. “I’m a scenery painter normally, but I volunteered to help clean up tonight so I could watch the show. There’s a play on tomorrow night so they need all the help they can get.” she added.
"Ah.” said Alan. “Well,“ he sighed, “it was nice talking to you…?”
“Nita. Nita Langley.” Nita obliged him with her name.
“Nita.” He repeated. He smiled again, holding her gaze momentarily before turning and walking away.
Nita sighed, leaning on her broom. Well, she had met him after all, although it hadn’t turned out quite as she’d imagined. And her friends would never believe her. She hadn’t even thought to ask him for his autograph.
She made her way back to the auditorium to help the others. She was sweeping between the seats, daydreaming, when a young man with auburn hair and a ginger beard approached her.
“Are you Nita?” he asked.
“Yes.” Nita replied, hesitantly, recognizing the man as the bodyguard she’d earlier seen outside Alan’s dressing room.
“Alan would like a word with you. Would you like to come with me?”
Nita’s jaw fell open. She nodded, vaguely, putting down her broom, and followed as the young man led the way to the stage door where Alan was just preparing to leave.
“Hi.” he said, as Nita approached.
“Hello again.” said Nita, feeling confused and a little embarrassed.
Alan took her arm and steered her out of earshot of the others.
“Listen, would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow?” he asked.
Nita gasped. Like to? She’d be over the moon. She managed to find her voice to reply, “I’d love to, but…”
“Great.” Alan interrupted her. “If you give Brian here your address, he can pick you up.”
Oh… I… er… I live quite a way from here…” Nita cut in, breathlessly. “...He can pick me up here at the theatre if that’s alright?”
“Whatever suits you. Is twelve o'clock O.K?”
“Yes… If you’re sure?” Nita still couldn’t believe it.
Alan smiled. “Until tomorrow then.” With that he turned and followed Brian, the bodyguard he had indicated, out through the stage door.
There were still a few autograph hunters hanging around and Nita watched as he signed their books and chatted to them for several minutes before getting into a white Rolls Royce and disappearing from view.
Nita went home on air. She let herself in quietly, expecting her parents to be in bed. As she put her foot on the first stair, her mother’s voice called out from the lounge.
“Is that you, Nita?”
“Yes, Mum.”
“You’re late, love.” Her mother came out of the lounge clad in a rose pink dressing gown and slippers.
“I stayed behind to help with the cleaning up. You needn’t have waited up.”
“Oh, we were watching the late movie. Did you have a nice time?”
“Oh, yes.” Nita gushed. “He’s so nice. And so talented.”
“Who did you say it was?” asked her mother.
“Alan Moreno, Mum. You’d like him. He’s gorgeous.” Nita smiled, her gaze somewhere over her mother’s head.
“You young people.” Mrs. Langley muttered to herself.
“Goodnight, Mum.” Nita fairly floated upstairs to her room, lying awake for ages, going over every detail of her meeting with Alan, thinking it was all a dream and any second now she would wake up. Eventually she fell asleep.
--ooOOoo-
Nita was up early the next morning. She ate breakfast while her father read the Sunday papers and her mother busied herself preparing the lunch.
“Oh, by the way, Mum, I’m going out for lunch, so don’t do any for me.” Nita tried to sound casual even though her stomach leapt into her throat at the thought of meeting Alan again.
“Oh? Where are you going?” her mother questioned.
Nita didn’t feel inclined to tell her parents the truth of where she was going. To begin with, she wasn’t at all sure Alan would keep his word, and she thought her parents would disapprove of her meeting a ‘pop star’.
“Oh… I’m meeting Julie, from work.” she said quickly. “And we might go on to the cinema later.”
“That’ll be nice.” said her mother as she peeled potatoes at the sink.
Later, Nita took a bath, put rollers in her hair and spent a full fifteen minutes trying to decide what to wear.
She eventually chose an airforce blue dress, and put on the gold choker chain and gold watch her parents had bought her for her 21st birthday. After applying her make-up she stood looking nervously at her reflection in the mirror. At 24 she looked younger, and he was closer to 30. She wanted to look sophisticated.
She fluffed out her shoulder length brown hair, picked up her bag and ran downstairs.
“See you later, Mum.” she called, snatching up her coat and hurrying out of the house before her mother could see her. She would probably think she was somewhat overdressed for a trip to the cinema.
She caught the bus and then the tube. She had a five minute walk from the tube station and she kept checking her appearance in the shop windows as she walked.
She arrived at the theatre ten minutes early, and stood waiting in the doorway, nervously shifting from one foot to the other.
What am I doing here? She asked herself. He’ll never show up. He was just having you on. Why would he want to have lunch with someone like you?
She was vaguely surprised when a white Rolls Royce glided around the corner exactly on time, and pulled up in front of the theatre steps.
A man got out. It was Brian, the man she’d met last night.
“Good Morning.” He said, in a broad New York Accent, his auburn hair glinting in the watery January sunshine.
“Morning.” Nita replied, climbing into the car as he held the door open for her.
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"Brian, isn't it?” she asked, after he had closed her door and come around to slide into the driver’s seat.
“Yeah. Brian McAlister’s the name.”
“I’m Nita Langley.”
“Nice to meet you, Nita.” Brian started the car and pulled out into the traffic.
“What’s it like being Alan’s bodygyard?” Nita asked as they drove.
“Oh, it’s O.K.” said Brian. “Alan’s easy to work for. He does as I tell him.”
“Shouldn’t that be the other way around?” asked Nita, with a puzzled frown.
Brian laughed. “I didn’t mean it to sound like that. It’s just that this business can be pretty dangerous at times, but some guys go ahead and try to live normal lives, which can lead to trouble if your face is as well known as Alan’s is. There’s always some nutjob out to get you. If I tell Alan I think something is dangerous, he doesn’t do it. That makes my job a lot easier.”
“I see.” Nita thought for a moment.
“He seems very…” she chose her words carefully, “down to earth.”
Brian nodded. “He’s not much like his pop star image. Basically, he’s a nice guy, although he tends to be a little over-sensitive at times. And sometimes his head gets a little too big, but we’re under orders to bring him down a peg or two when that happens.” he smiled.
“Does he have… a girlfriend? Back home I mean?”
Brian shook his head, a slight frown crossing his face. “Not right now… It’s difficult in this business, always being on the move.”
Nita nodded.
“Anyhow,” Brian continued, “most of the women he meets only want to be with him for what they can blag from him.” He gave Nita a penetrating stare through the rear view mirror.
Nita blushed, wondering if Brian thought she was like that.
“How awful.” she said.
“Yeah.” agreed Brian. “They fawn all over him, get him to spend his money on them and introduce them to influential people in high places. Then, when they get a lucky break, or whatever it is they’re after, they drop him flat.”
The car pulled up outside Alan’s hotel.
“Luckily,” Brian continued, “Alan’s got smart enough to see through most of them.” He opened the door to get out, adding, “And I weed out any others.”
Once again, Nita had the feeling he was warning her off from trying anything like that.
Brian walked around and opened the door for her. She got out and followed him into the hotel. Brian escorted her across the foyer to the lift.
They ascended in silence to the seventh floor.
“This way.” Brian indicated, and led the way to room 728, where he stopped and knocked on the door.
A moment later, Alan Moreno opened the door.
“Hi.” He smiled. “Come in.”
Nita stepped inside.
“Thanks, Brian.” She heard Alan say behind her.
“Bye, Brian.” Nita said over her shoulder as Alan closed the door.
“Let me take your coat.”
Nita took off her coat and handed it to him.
“I hope you don’t mind eating here at the hotel, but I’m a little pushed for time. We have to leave for Blackpool later today.”
“You have a show tonight?” Nita was surprised.
“Yeah.” Alan suddenly seemed to withdraw into another world and a look passed over his face that Nita could only describe as fear, but, suddenly becoming aware of her gaze, he forced a smile.
“The road crew are already up there getting everything ready. I’ll catch up with them later.”
“Where do you get the energy from?” asked Nita.
“Actually, I enjoy it, and travelling here is so much easier. Back home, I sometimes have to travel a thousand miles between gigs.”
Nita looked suitably impressed.
“Would you like a drink before we eat?” Alan asked.
“Yes, please.”
“What would you like?”
“Do you have Bacardi?”
“Yes.”
“Bacardi and lime then please.”
Alan poured Nita’s drink, and himself a scotch.
“Cheers.” He clinked her glass, his eyes roaming appreciatively over her as he drank.
Nita sipped her drink, staring at Alan, still unable to believe that she was really here. He was wearing a pale blue shirt, open at the neck, and navy blue trousers which were expensively tailored. A gold chain glistened around his neck amongst a forest of black hair which crept from his collar bone down his chest. Nita found herself trying to picture the rest of his body underneath the shirt. She blushed, dragging her mind back to reality.
“It was nice of you to invite me today.” she ventured. “Although I don’t know why.”
Alan shrugged. “I just had the urge to see you again.” he replied. In truth he had found her insult to him at the theatre the previous evening, about his head being too big to get through his dressing room door, refreshing. Few people ever had the guts to be totally honest with him. Mostly they pandered to him to keep him on side, and while he had been momentarily offended by her words he liked that she wasn’t afraid to say them to him and was intrigued to know more about her.
Nita was surprised at the honesty of his answer. She had expected a flippant remark.
They finished their drinks and went downstairs to the hotel restaurant where Alan had reserved a quiet corner table, away from the other diners. They ordered lunch and Alan chose a bottle of wine for them.
“What did you say you do at the theatre?” he asked, as they waited for their food.
“I paint scenery.”
“You’re not a budding actress then?”
“No.” giggled Nita. “I thought your show was great by the way.” she told him.
“Thank you.” Alan sipped his wine.
The waiter brought their main course and Alan thanked him before continuing, “Why didn’t you knock on my door last night?”
Nita blushed, surprised and embarrassed at the directness of his question.
She shrugged. “I thought you’d be angry and have me thrown out.”
Alan laughed. “I don’t know if I would have or not.” he said. “I’m not myself when I’m performing.”
“Nerves I suppose?” said Nita, tucking into her steak. “I don’t know how you get up in front of all those people.”
“With great difficulty sometimes.” said Alan, gazing thoughtfully at the tablecloth, his long lashes shielding his eyes. Then he smiled. “The guys have to physically push me out there sometimes, but I’m O.K. after the first two or three numbers.”
“That’s a bit like how I felt when I came to knock on your door.”
“I’m glad you did.” said Alan. He smiled into her eyes, and Nita’s heart skipped a beat. She had the sudden urge to lean over and kiss him. Stop it, she told herself, you’re behaving like a schoolgirl.
After they’d finished their lunch, Alan impulsively borrowed an overcoat from Brian, and asked him to drive them to a nearby park, where they walked and chatted.
“Have you ever done anything else besides sing?” Nita asked him.
“Oh, I’ve had lots of jobs over the years.” Alan told her. “I worked in a hardware store and a paint store – I got fired from both of those.” he added, his brown eyes twinkling with amusement as he remembered.
“I’m a bit of a klutz.” he told her. “I spilled no end of paint, and used to mix up all the wrong colours, and in the hardware store I was just as bad. I was always breaking things. The final straw came when I dropped this load of boxes with all different sized nails in them, from off the stack truck. The boss made me sort them all out by hand, which took me about two days. When I finally finished, he fired me.”
“How many were there?” Nita giggled.
“Oh, God, thousands.” laughed Alan. “After that, I worked in a burger bar, I was a parking lot attendant for a while, and a bartender. Eventually I got a job as a bar pianist, which gave me the opportunity to write and perform my own stuff and also earn a living. And the rest, as they say, is history.” He smiled down at her.
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” asked Nita.
“No. How about you?”
“No.” Nita shook her head. “Mum said they broke the mould when they made me.”
“Huh?” Alan looked puzzled.
“I’m a bit stubborn.” said Nita. “It means there couldn’t be two the same.”
“Oh.” Alan nodded. “I’m stubborn too. But only about my work.” he added quickly. “Socially, I’m a real cool guy.” he joked, clicking his fingers and walking on a few steps in an exaggerated manner.
Nita giggled, and Alan joined in, pleased at her amusement.
“So, how do you like painting scenery?” he asked her, his eyes showing genuine interest.
“It’s great.” said Nita. “I get satisfaction from seeing the end result.”
“I know what you mean.” Alan nodded agreement. “I feel the same when I write a good song. Do you paint pictures at home?”
Nita shook her head. “Not very often. Painting all day, and on such a scale, uses up all my creativity. I can’t be bothered to paint at home, although very occasionally I might if the mood takes me.”
“I can never get enough of music.” said Alan. “Subconsciously, I must record everything that happens to me, and it comes out later in a song.”
Nita shot him a surprised glance. A lot of Alan’s songs were dramatic ballads, or poignant songs about lost love and broken hearts, yet he didn’t strike Nita as being a melancholy person. In fact, looking at him now, he looked the picture of happiness. The cold wind had put colour into his sallow complexion and his brown eyes shone with a sort of childlike wonder. Indeed, this simple walk in the park was a source of wonder to him.
Brought up in a slum area of New York, walking in the park was the last thing children thought of doing and, once grown up, he was too busy making a name for himself to have time for relaxation, and now that he was famous he could rarely go out anywhere in case he was mobbed by fans.
Nita was surprised at his interest in all the different types of trees and bushes, sometimes stopping, abruptly, to look at some brightly coloured shrub that caught his eye. ‘Look at that’ he would point. ‘Isn’t it pretty?’
They came to a large boating lake on which several ducks were swimming. Alan crouched down by the birds, snapping his fingers to try and entice them to him, while Nita sat down on a nearby bench.
The hungry ducks gathered around, expecting food.
“Aren’t they cute?” Alan smiled down at the ducks. He tried to touch one or two of them, who almost bit his fingers off.
“Why, you little…” Alan cursed them, while Nita collapsed in a fit of giggles.
“They’re used to people feeding them.” she told him. “If you haven’t got any food, they’ll settle for your fingers. They’re not fussy.”
Alan stood up and walked over to Nita, sweeping her up off the bench and carrying her to the edge of the lake where he made as though to throw her in.
Nita squealed, involuntarily throwing her arms around his neck and clinging on.
“Put me down.” she pleaded.
Alan turned and took a step away from the lake before suddenly spinning around and pretending to throw her again.
Nita squealed again, burying her head in the upturned collar of his overcoat, the faint scent of his aftershave wafting up her nostrils, his hair tickling her forehead.
Alan laughed and stood her on her feet, his hands still gripping her shoulders.
Nita gazed up at him, her heart suddenly beating wildly. She wondered if he could feel it through his hands.
She took a step backwards, not wanting him to sense her feelings. After all, she would never see him again after today. She didn’t want to spoil the afternoon by coming off as a lovesick teenager.
Alan was looking at her with an odd expression in his eyes. Suddenly, he turned away, blowing on his fingers. “Let’ walk. It’s cold.” he said casually.
Nita fell into step by his side. “Do you like England?” she asked presently.
“Apart from the climate, yeah. I love the people, the history, the old buildings." He grinned. “It’s just the damn rain I hate.”
“You get used to it.” Nita shrugged.
“You should try living in California.” Alan told her.
He chatted on about America, and some of the exotic places he’d visited during his years on the road. Before Nita realised it, the afternoon had passed and Alan was looking at his watch.
“Nita, I’m afraid we’re gonna have to go back now. It’s almost time for me to leave.”
Nita nodded, trying to hide her disappointment. “I’ve had a really nice time.” she told him as they walked back to the car, where Brian was waiting for them.
“So have I. I haven’t done anything like this in a long time.”
They got into the car and Brian drove back to the hotel. Alan seemed preoccupied and spoke very little.
“Brian will take you home, Nita.” He told her as they pulled up outside. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “It’s been a nice afternoon.”
“It’s been lovely meeting you.” said Nita, gazing into his dark brown eyes. “I hope the rest of your tour goes well.”
“Thanks.” A look of apprehension flashed through his eyes, obviously remembering the show he was doing that night. He averted his gaze and when he spoke again, his tone was casual.
“I’m on T.V. Tuesday night. I hope you’ll watch?”
“What is it?” Nita asked lightly, following his lead.
“A recording of a show I did in New York a year or so back.”
“I’ll watch.” Nita promised. “And thank you for the lunch.”
Alan got out of the car and looked in through the open window. For a moment his eyes searched hers, and Nita felt he wanted to say something. She held her breath expectantly, but all he said was “Bye, Nita.”
Nita’s heart sank. “Bye, Alan.”
She hid her sorrow from Brian, chatting to him as they drove along. Brian asked the way to her house and she directed him to the bottom of her street. She didn’t want him to drop her outside her door in case her parents, or the neighbours, should see her.
“Well, it was nice meeting you, Brian.” Nita forced a cheery smile. “Thanks for the lift. Will you be able to find your way back alright?”
“No problem.” said Brian. “Take care now.”
“You too. Goodbye.” She waved, and Brian watched her walk out of sight around the corner before driving off.
“Hello, love.” Her mother was just carrying a tea tray into the living room as Nita entered the house. “Did you have a nice afternoon?”
“Yes thanks, Mum.” Nita bounded upstairs, fell on her bed, and wept.
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 2
Eventually, Nita composed herself. She washed her face and tried to cover up her red eyes with some make-up. Then she went down to tea.
“Did you go to the cinema, love?” her mother asked.
“Mmm? Oh, yes.”
“What did you see?”
“Oh… er… Close Encounters.” Nita plucked the first title that came into her head.
“I thought you’d already seen that?”
“I have, but I didn’t mind going again. Julie hadn’t seen it.” she fibbed.
Her mother chatted about the days events, but Nita wasn’t really listening. She was back in the park with Alan.
After tea, she said she was going up to play some records in her room, and she spent the rest of the evening brooding.
Fortunately, no-one at the theatre knew about her meeting with Alan, so she didn’t have to discuss it with anyone. She spent the next day daydreaming about him, and received a few stern words from her supervisor for not paying full attention to her work.
“Sorry.” she muttered, forcing her mind back to the job in hand, but as the day wore on her mood became more and more depressed.
She had gone to meet Alan knowing it would be a one-off meeting, but she hadn’t bargained for the effect he would have on her. Just thinking of herself in his arms, when he’d picked her up and pretended to throw her into the lake, set her pulses racing. She could still recall the scent of his aftershave, the softness of his hair on her face and the warmth of his lips against her forehead, and the thought of never being that close to him again filled her with despair.
She found herself trying to imagine what his kiss would be like. Gentle? Passionate? She would never know. She stabbed viciously at the piece of scenery she was painting, the brown paint splashing back into her face. It wasn’t fair, she told herself, almost beginning to wish he had never invited her.
On Tuesday, she rushed home from work to watch the T.V recording of Alan’s show and cried all through the second half.
“What’s the matter?” asked her mother, seeing the tears on Nita’s face.
“It’s just his music, Mum.” Nita told a half truth. “He sings those songs like he’s telling his life story.”
Her mother sat down to watch the remainder of the show with her.
“He is very good.” she admitted when it was finished.
-ooOOoo-
For the rest of the week Nita went around in a daze, trying to come to terms with the fact that she would never see Alan again.
Two of her friends from the theatre, Julie and Bob, invited her to make up a foursome, that Friday, to go to a disco. Nita didn’t really feel like socialising but she told herself there was no point in moping around, so she agreed to go, hoping it would help to cheer herself up.
She was just getting dressed to go, when she heard the phone ringing. A few moments later, her mother called up the stairs. “It’s for you, Nita.”
“Who is it?” she asked, going downstairs.
“I don’t know. It’s a man.” Her mother offered her the receiver.
Nita tutted. “I hope it’s not Bob saying they can’t go tonight after all.” she said, taking the phone.
“Hello?”
“Nita?”
“Yes.”
“It’s Brian McAlister.”
“Brian?” Nita gasped in amazement. “But… how did you find my number?”
“We have ways.” laughed Brian. “I made a mental note of your street name. I had a hunch it might be useful to know. Good thing you weren’t unlisted.”
“Oh?”
“Nita. Alan wondered if you’d like to come up and see his show in Leeds, on Sunday?”
“What?” Nita’s head was spinning, “Sunday? I don’t know… I… it’s a bit short notice…” she stammered.
“Alan will book a room for you overnight, and I could meet you at the railroad station.” said Brian. “I’d drive down and pick you up, but I’m a little pushed for time.”
“Oh… I don’t know…” Nita hedged. “I’d like to, but…” She desperately wanted to go, but what was the point? What could possibly come from it? What could he possibly see in her except the possibility of a one-night-stand which, despite her feelings for Alan she had no intention of being. It would be wonderful to spend some more time with him, but she wasn’t sure if it was worth the days of depression she knew she would suffer afterwards.
“He really would like you to come.” Brian's voice broke into her thoughts.
Nita sighed. “Alright,” she said, her brain in a whirl, “I’ll come. What time is the show?”
“Eight p.m.”
“Can I ring you back with the train time?”
“Sure. But I’ll only be here for about fifteen minutes.” Brian told her.
“It’ll only take me a few minutes.” said Nita.
“O.K.” Brian gave her his number and she hung up.
“Who was that?” asked her mother?
“Brian. He’s one of Alan Moreno’s people.” said Nita. “He’s invited me to go up and see Alan in concert on Sunday.”
“Where?”
“Leeds. I’ve got to find out the train times. What’s the number of the station?” she asked, frantically searching through the phone book.
“Are you going out with this Brian?”
“No, Mum.” Nita sounded exasperated. Her mother was always trying to matchmake for her. Although Nita had lots of dates, she never seemed to stick with anyone for long, and didn’t seem remotely interested in settling down. At twenty-four, her mother felt she should at least be ‘going steady’ as she put it, she herself being married at the age of twenty-one.
“Just interested.” Her mother retorted before leaving the room as Nita dialled the number. “Hello, British Rail? Can you tell me the train times to Leeds on Sunday please?”
“Well?” asked her mother, as Nita bounded into the kitchen several moments later.
“I can get to Leeds by five o’clock. Brian will pick me up at the station.”
“Are you sure about going up there? I mean, you hardly know this man. He could be a rapist or anything.”
Nita wasn’t sure, but not for the reasons her mother was giving. All she knew was she had to go.
“I’ll be fine, Mum. Don’t worry. Now, I must go and get ready or I’ll be late to meet Julia and Bob.”
She went back upstairs to finish dressing and then headed off to meet the others.
“You’re in a good mood.” Bob told her.
Bob was also a scenery painter. They went out together occasionally and, normally, she enjoyed his company, but tonight he seemed so young and immature compared with Alan who, travelling as much as he did, had a much more worldly persona.
“Am I?” was all she said.
“Want to dance?” he asked.
“Sure.” They finished their drinks and headed onto the dance floor to join Julie and her boyfriend Peter.
At the end of the night, Bob drove her home. As she got out of the car, he asked if he could see her the next evening.
“I’m sorry. I’m going away for the weekend.” Nita told him.
“Oh.” Bob looked disappointed.
Nita leaned over and kissed his cheek before climbing out of the car. “Maybe some other time?”
“O.K.” sighed Bob.
“Thanks for bringing me home. Goodnight.”
She waved as Bob drove away, before walking up the path, fishing in her bag for her key. She crept upstairs carrying her shoes, hoping she didn’t wake her parents.
That night, she tossed and turned, dreaming of seeing Alan again. The next morning, she phoned her boss and asked to book Monday off as holiday and then went into town to buy a new dress, get her hair trimmed and treat herself to some of her favourite perfume. The day seemed to drag, every half hour seeming like a day.
On Sunday, she was up at the crack of dawn. She refused her mother’s offer of breakfast, her stomach too knotted up to contemplate food. She lay in the bath for nearly an hour, pondering on what they would say to each other, until her mother banging on the bathroom door brought her back to reality.
“Nita? Are you alright in there?”
“Yes, Mum. I’m coming out now.” Nita hurriedly grabbed a towel and climbed out of the bath.
She set her hair on large rollers so that it fell in waves around her face, and then applied her make-up, smiling at the finished result. She had an elfin face and pale blue eyes, with long dark eyelashes. She was fairly tall and slim and when she looked at herself in the mirror, dressed in jeans and a fluffy white sweater, she was pleased with her appearance. She picked up her weekend case and handbag and went downstairs where her mother was waiting.
“Mind how you go, love.” she told her, a worried frown on her face.
“I will, Mum.” Nita put on a three quarter length black suede jacket and turned to kiss her mother on the cheek.
“Have a nice time.”
“I will. See you tomorrow.”
Nita caught the bus, and then the tube to Euston station. She had drawn some money out of the bank for the fare, plus a little bit extra for ‘emergencies’.
She tried to read on the train, but she was too nervous. She gazed out at the fields whizzing past, the rhythm of the train matching the wild beating of her heart.
It was nearly ten past five when the train pulled in at the station. Nita handed in her ticket and hurried outside to look for Brian.
As she stared around, she heard her name being called. She turned in the direction of the voice to see Brian sprinting towards her.
“Hi. I couldn’t park.” he panted.
“I’m a bit late I’m afraid.” said Nita.
“That’s O.K.” said Brian. “The car’s just around the corner.”
He picked up Nita’s case and led the way to the car. He wasn’t in the Rolls this time, but a rather dilapidated Ford.
“It’s nice to see you again.” He said amiably, as he started the car.
“You too.” said Nita.
“Alan wants you to stay with us until after the show.” Brian told her as they drove. ”He doesn’t mix much before concerts. he explained. “He gets very nervous. He’s booked a room for you at our hotel so, if you like, we’ll go there now, so you can freshen up, and then I’ll take you to the theatre. The other guys are finishing off the sound-check right now.”
“Fine.” said Nita.
They arrived at the hotel, and Brian showed Nita up to her room.
“How long do you need to freshen up?” he asked.
“How long have I got?”
Brian looked at his watch. “No more than an hour. We need to be at the theatre before seven. Alan arrives at seven thirty.”
“O.K. I’ll be ready for six-thirty.”
“Good girl.”
Nita took a quick shower, changed into the black dress she’d brought with her, re-applied her make-up and changed her pumps for high heeled shoes.
She was just unpacking her night things when there was a knock on the door. Picking up her bag she crossed to open it.
“Hi. You look nice.” said Brian.
“Thank you.”
They drove to the theatre where, after finding Nita a stool in the wings, Brian went off to see to one or two last minute problems before going back to collect Alan.
As well as being Alan’s friend and bodyguard, Brian was good with electronics and helped out with some of the technical problems that inevitably arose on tour. He was also an accomplished guitarist and had, on occasions, substituted for some of the guys in the band if they had been ill.
Nita got chatting to Lee, the Road Manager. Then she sat in the wings watching the audience coming in. She felt nervous just watching them and began to understand why Alan had said he sometimes needed a push to get him on stage.
Eventually, everything was ready. An expectant buzz ran through the audience.
The musicians took their places and tested their instruments.
Lee came up to Brian, who was chatting to Nita.
“It’s time.” he said.
Brian nodded. “O.K.” He turned to Nita. “We’re going to get Alan now.”
Brian and Lee walked down some steps and along a narrow passage to Alan’s dressing room. Brian knocked on the door.
“Ready, Alan?” he called.
A moment later, the door opened and Alan came out dressed in a sky blue suit and white open necked shirt. He looked pale and tense.
Brian led the way, with Alan in the middle and Lee bringing up the rear.
“Everything’s A.O.K.” Brian told him as they walked. Alan didn’t reply.
They arrived in the wings just as the band began the introduction.
Nita caught sight of Alan, who seemed unaware of anything going on around him, his dark eyes riveted on the auditorium. She watched as he closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. She couldn’t decide if he was psyching himself up for the show or having a panic attack.
Someone pushed a microphone into his hand, and Brian said “Go.” giving him a gentle push towards the stage. Then he was out there, singing his first number.
As the audience cheered and clapped, Nita could see him begin to relax. His dazzling smile came naturally, and suddenly he was at one with the crowd. Nita sat in the wings, once again mesmerised by his charisma, laughing at his jokes, listening to his heart rending songs and, at the interval, stood cheering and clapping with the rest.
She didn’t see Alan during the interval. He went to his dressing room to change and have a drink to refresh his throat. Then he was back, in a black suit this time, and the crowd stood on their seats to get a better view of him.
Nita could see him clearly from where she sat. She saw his eyes shining, how relaxed he was now and how much he loved what he was doing despite the nerves he suffered beforehand.
He finished with a bouncy number and left the stage.
The crowd went wild, calling for more.
He did two encores and, yet again, the crowd called for more.
He went back for one more ballad and then stood, as Nita had seen him the previous week, basking in the audience’s applause, a slight smile on his face, nodding his appreciation. Then, he blew a kiss and left the stage, as the band repeated the last few bars of the song.
He paused only long enough to shake hands with one or two people and then he was on his way down the corridor towards his dressing room.
Nita followed him, catching his sleeve.
Brian reached out to stop her, but Alan shook his head. Brian let her pass and Nita followed him into the dressing room and shut the door, leaning against it. Now that she was face to face with him once more, she didn’t know what to say to him.
Alan ignored her. Going over to the dressing table, he sat down, heavily, putting his face in his hands, his head bowed.
Nita walked over to him. “Alan?” she peered over his shoulder. “Are you alright?”
As he removed his hands, Nita was surprised to see his face streaked with tears. He wiped them away with the back of his hand and took a deep breath.
​“I’m sorry.” he said, huskily. He paused, trying to control his voice. “I’m always afraid that… next time…” he shrugged, unable to finish the sentence, but Nita knew what he was thinking.
“That won’t be for a long time.” she told him.
He gave her a watery smile and stood up to get a towel. “Thank you.” He wiped his face and, as he put the towel down, their eyes met.
Suddenly, Alan pulled her towards him, his lips seeking hers. One hand slid up to the nape of her neck, holding her to him as he parted her lips, his fingers sensually massaging the base of her neck. His other hand, at the small of her back, pressed her to him.
Nita, at first surprised, found herself responding as his kiss aroused a burning desire somewhere deep within her. Blood pounded in her ears, and all conscious thought was obliterated as his tongue explored her mouth. Unconsciously, she wrapped her arms around his neck, raking her fingers through his hair, her breasts tingling with anticipation as they brushed against his chest. She had been kissed many times, but none had aroused this passion within her.
When Alan finally released her, a faint moan escaped him.
“I’ve wanted to do that all week.” he said in her ear, his voice husky.
“Me too.” Nita’s voice was a whisper, her body limp with newly awakened desire.
“Don’t go back home tomorrow.” he said, suddenly. “Stay on with me for the rest of this tour.”
Nita stared at him in amazement. “What? But… I can’t…” she pulled away from him in confusion.
“Why not? If money’s a problem…”
“No.” Nita interrupted him. “It’s not that… Well, it is partly, but… I have a job to go to, and my family would be worried. I couldn’t… really…”
“Forget the job. It’s not important.” said Alan.
Nita put her hands to her face. This was madness. She couldn’t even consider it. Could she?
“I… I don’t know what to say…”
“Say yes… Please.” Alan’s eyes followed her as she paced around the room. “I think I’m in love with you.”
Nita spun round to face him, her eyes wide with surprise and shock.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” she laughed nervously. “You barely know me.”
“I want to get to know you.” said Alan. “The time I spent with you last weekend was the happiest I’ve had in a long time. I’ve thought of nothing else all week. I haven’t felt like this since…” he broke off, his eyes clouding as an old memory sprang up to haunt him. “…for a long time.” he finished. “I want to hold on to it. To you.”
“But, why me?” Nita shook her head incredulously. “You meet hundreds of gorgeous women. You could have you pick of any one.”
Alan shrugged. “You’re so… down to earth… So… refreshing.” He paused, thinking. “Last weekend,” he continued, “most girls in your position would have thrown themselves at me, tried to get me into bed, or wangle a job, or an introduction, or free tickets to my shows… but you asked for nothing. You seemed interested in me as a person, not just as a celebrity. You seemed to care?” This last sentence was as much as question as a statement.
Nita nodded, not understanding how other girls could behave that way.
“I’ve always been a fan of yours.” she told him. “But not to the extent that I would go to those lengths. I prefer to admire from a distance. “But now I’ve got to know you a little better…” her mind flashed back to their kiss, and its effect on her, “…yes.” She finished.
“Then you’ll stay?” Alan asked, hopefully.
This is ridiculous, Nita told herself. You can’t possibly agree to this. He’s almost a total stranger.
But, despite her hesitance, there was no denying that although she’d only spent a few hours with him, she felt as if she’d always known him and she was reluctant to let him disappear out of her life without exploring their relationship further.
“I don’t know...” she told him. “I’ve only booked one day’s holiday from work, and what would my parents think? They don’t even know about you. They think I’m here with Brian.”
Alan looked hurt, and suddenly Nita could see that beneath the ‘pop star’ image was a terribly insecure man, desperate to be loved for himself and not his profession, but at the same time terrified of rejection.
“I didn’t tell them that." she added, hastily. “They just assumed, because it was Brian who rang me.”
“And what about last weekend?” Alan looked insulted. “Do they think you were with Brian then?”
Nita shook her head. “I told them I went to see a film with a girl from work." she admitted. "Well, what could I say?” she went on, hurriedly, as Alan turned away, gazing at the floor. “I couldn’t tell them I’d been asked out to lunch by a famous pop star with a big, flashy car. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen to people like us. We’re too ordinary. It’s the sort of thing you only fantasize about.” She sighed. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Alan nodded, slowly, thinking of how he had viewed the rich and famous during his own humble childhood. “I do.” he said, finally.
“Wait a minute!” Alan looked up, sharply, at the sudden harsh tone in Nita’s voice as she spoke. “Last weekend. That was some sort of test, wasn’t it?” Her eyes flashed angrily, as Brian’s words about Alan being too smart to be taken in by golddiggers flashed through her mind. Alan had just told her that many of the girls he met were only interested in trying to get something from him, but that she had asked him for nothing. So, that was how he did it, she mused. Take them to lunch, check them out to see if they made any demands. If not, risk a second date, and so on, until, given enough rope, they would hang themselves.
“Trying to see if I was some sort of groupie, out for what I could get?” she questioned.
“I don’t know...” Alan faltered. “I just know I was fascinated by you. You weren’t like anyone I’d met before. Maybe, subconsciously, it was a test, I don’t know. All I know is that I enjoyed Sunday, and I desperately wanted to see you again.” He shrugged. “I can’t explain.”
“Well,” Nita snapped, “now you’ve seen me. Do I pass?” she asked, her tone sarcastic, angry that she had automatically been taken for that sort of girl. She reached for her handbag. “Well, you needn’t worry Mister Moreno,” she hissed, “I don’t want anything from you!” She turned to go, but Alan caught her wrist, some unconscious instinct ruling his actions. He looked at her intently, his eyes a whirlpool of conflicting emotions. Nita wanted to pull away, but was rooted to the spot by his gaze.
He pulled her to him and kissed her again. Nita tried to pull away, but succumbed as her head began to swim and all her nerve endings began to tingle in response. She had never experienced anything like this before and her body craved for more.
As they parted, she had to hold onto him to stop herself from falling. She felt light headed and breathless.
Alan pulled her to him, gently this time, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his chin on the top of her head.
“Oh, Nita. What are you doing to me?” he muttered, his voice sounding desperately sad. She wanted to raise her head to look at him but he wouldn’t let her. He didn’t want her to see the torment in his eyes. He didn’t want to love again, not after the last time. But already he feared it was too late, and he was terrified of being hurt again.
He finally released her and bent to pick up her handbag which had fallen from her arm as they'd kissed.
“Please stay.” He said, as he brushed dust off the suede bag and held it out to her. “At least until the end of my British tour.”
Now that he had released her from his grip, Nita had managed to get her emotions back under some kind of control.
“How long is that?” she asked now, taking the bag from him.
“A week from Tuesday.”
Nita did some quick calculations in her head.
“Alright.” She said eventually. “I’ll phone my parents when I get back to the hotel, and I’ll ask my boss if I can take my holidays early. If he agrees, then I’ll stay, but I’ll have to go back home for some clothes. I only packed for one night.”
“I don't have a show now until Tuesday. How about I drive you myself?”
“We’ll see.” said Nita, wondering what on Earth she’d got herself into.
Alan finished changing his clothes and Brian drove them back to the hotel, where Alan had some supper sent up to his room for them.
They ate and chatted for another hour, before Nita glanced at her watch. “I’d better go, or it will be too late to ring home.”
“Do it from here.” Alan nodded towards the phone.
“No.” said Nita, suspecting an ulterior motive for his suggestion. “I’d rather do it from my room. I’ll see you at breakfast, O.K?”
Alan sighed. “O.K. “He kissed her cheek. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Nita left and went back to her own room and picked up the phone.
“This is room 359. Could you get me a London number please?”
She waited while the operator connected the call.
“Hello?” Her mother’s voice came on the line.
“Mum? It’s Nita.”
“Nita! Are you alright? Why are you ringing so late? Is anything wrong?”
“I’m fine, Mum, don’t worry. I’m sorry to ring so late, but I’ve got something to tell you.”
“You’re not in any trouble are you?”
“No… It’s just that… well… I’ve been asked to stay on here.”
“Why? Who by? That fellow Brian?”
“No, Mum. Alan Moreno.”
“What?” He mother gasped down the phone. “The singer?”
“Yes, Mum.”
There was a stunned silence at the other end of the line.
“He’s nice, Mum. You’ll like him.”
“But… What about your job?”
“It’s only for a few days, Mum. Just until he finishes his tour here. I’ll ask Mr. Davidson if I can take my holidays early. If he says no then I’ll have to think again, but it should be alright. I’ve got to come down to pick up some clothes. Alan wants to come too. Shall I bring him? I’ll come on my own if you don’t want to meet him.”
There was a moment’s silence before her mother said, “Bring him.”
“Thanks, Mum. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Alright. Goodnight, Nita.”
“Goodnight.”
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 3
Nita slept badly. Away from Alan’s magnetic influence on her she wasn’t sure she was doing the right thing, and she felt she’d upset her parents by agreeing to stay with almost a total stranger.
She got up with a headache. She dressed in the jeans and sweater she had travelled up in, and delved in her bag for the glasses she sometimes wore for eye strain. She put them on and went downstairs to breakfast.
The waitress showed her to the tables set aside for Alan’s entourage. There was no sign of Alan.
Nita was halfway through her breakfast when Brian came in with Lee and a couple of the other crew members. He spotted Nita and headed over to her.
“Hi.” He smiled. “Did you enjoy the show last night?”
“Yes, I did, very much, thank you.”
“Can I talk to you?” Brian asked suddenly, his expression clouding.
“Yes. What is it?”
With a glance over his shoulder, he sat down opposite her. “Alan said he asked you to stay on for the rest of the tour?”
“Yes.” said Nita. How did Brian know that already? Alan must have spoken to him as soon as she’d left him last night. Did he confide every little detail of his life to him, she wondered irritably.
“Are you going to?” asked Brian.
“I think so.” replied Nita, thinking what a cheek this man had in prying into her business.
Brian looked perturbed.
“Is anything wrong?” asked Nita.
Brian shrugged, and then sighed. “Pardon me if I seem a little blunt, but do you care about Alan, or are you just on this trip for a good time?”
Nita’s jaw fell open. “I beg your pardon?”
Brian studied her face. Her indignance seemed genuine enough to him, but people weren’t always easy to read.
“I’m sorry, but it’s important.” he said.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I am not out for a good time.” Nita replied, curtly, annoyed that this was all these people seemed to think about. “In fact, I took some persuading to stay at all.” She took a sip of her orange juice before adding, “Alan contacted me remember. I didn’t come looking.”
Brian studied her face briefly, and then nodded.
“I told you he was sensitive.” he said presently.
Nita nodded.
“I also told you that he didn’t have time for relationships.”
Nita nodded again.
Brian paused, not sure whether or not to continue.
“There was a girl once.” he said, finally. “Alan really loved her. He thought she was ‘different’ too.”
“What does that have to do with me?” Nita looked puzzled.
“When Alan made the big time, she couldn’t handle it.” Brian continued. “She was a country girl at heart, a stay at home type. Very practical and down to earth in her ways. A lot like you in many ways I imagine.” He gave her a pertinent stare. “She wanted marriage, and kids, and a husband who had a secure nine-to-five job, who would take the kids to the park on weekends. If you don’t mind me saying so, I think maybe you could have the same kind of thoughts in the back of your mind?”
Nita said nothing.
“She refused to go and watch him perform.” Brian went on. “She nagged him to give it up and get a proper job, with regular hours. She wouldn’t have anything to do with show business people.” He sighed. “It’s not that Alan didn’t want those things at some point, you know, marriage, kids, but not at the expense of his career.” He shrugged. “He wouldn’t give it up for her. He couldn’t. You’ve seen him, it’s in his blood.”
“What happened?” asked Nita.
“They went their separate ways. It really broke Alan up.” Brian shook his head to himself as he remembered those dark days. “That’s where all those ballads he sings come from.” He told her. “He wrote them all from experience.” He paused a moment, looking intently at Nita.
“What I’m trying to say, Nita, is if you’re looking for those same things, or if you’re just out for a good time, then please, don’t stay. Don’t hurt him again. I think he likes you a great deal, but don’t delude yourself that you could persuade him to give all of this up for you. He couldn’t.”
Brian stood up as he spotted Alan coming into the Dining Room.
“I’m sorry for being so blunt,” he told Nita, “but I care what happens to him. We go back a long way. I don’t want to see him hurt again.” He turned to go.
“Brian?” Nita called him back.
“Yeah?”
“What happened to the girl?”
“She married a lawyer or something. Got a couple of kids now I believe.”
“Oh.” said Nita, thoughtfully. Brian’s words explained a lot about the insecurity she had sensed in Alan the previous night.
“Hi.” Alan looked a bit rough. He hadn’t shaved and his eyes were heavy.
“Are you alright?” Nita asked, as he sat down opposite her.
“Sure. I didn’t get my eight hours is all.” He smiled.
Nita laughed, as Alan yawned.
He ordered grapefruit and black coffee. “Did you call your folks?” he asked, after the waitress had departed.
“Yes.”
“Were they mad?”
“I couldn’t tell, but they’d like us to both go down.”
“Great. I’ll get cleaned up after breakfast. Don’t want to create a bad impression.”
They fell into relaxed conversation, and Nita found it difficult to believe she’d only known him for a few hours. She knew virtually nothing about him and yet she felt totally at ease in his company, like old friends.
They finished eating and got up to leave.
Alan paused at Brian’s table.
“Lee, I’m going down to London today. Can you get the stuff organised for the next gig?”
“Sure. No problem.” Lee smiled.
“What time will you get to Nottingham?”
“Around lunch time, I guess.”
“O.K. We’ll make our own way there.”
“Do you want I should come with you?” Brian asked Alan. “I ought to.”
“No. I’m only going to Nita’s and back. I don’t think any harm will come to me doing that.”
“If you’re sure.” Brian looked doubtful. “But watch how you go. You’re not used to driving over here. And try not to get recognised.”
“O.K.” Alan slapped him on the back. “You can take the day off.”
“I’m sure.” smirked Brian, knowing full well he would get roped in for helping the rest of the crew move the equipment.
Alan laughed. “See you later.” He put his arm around Nita’s shoulder and steered her towards the door, while Brian looked on worriedly.
Nita packed her things while Alan went to shower and change. He knocked on her door a short time later, dressed in black trousers and a pale green sweater.
“Ready?” he enquired.
Nita nodded.
They drove to London with only one stop on the way. On reaching the city, Nita directed him to her parent’s house.
It was early afternoon when they arrived. They got out of the car, stretching, and walked up the path. Nita could almost feel the neighbours’ curtains twitching as they tried to see who the visitor was with a white Rolls Royce.
As they approached the front door, Alan reached for her hand.
“You’re nervous?” smiled Nita, as Alan fiddled with his hair and his jacket collar. “You, who face thousands every night?”
“Stupid, huh?” muttered Alan.
Nita had no time to answer before the door opened and her mother came out to meet them with a big smile on her face. If she was unhappy about the situation, she hid it very well.
“Hello, Mum.” Nita kissed her on the cheek. “This is Alan Moreno. Alan, this is my mother, Beryl.”
“Hi. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Langley.” smiled Alan, the nerves he’d displayed outside now hidden behind his celebrity persona.
“Hello, Mr. Moreno.” Beryl took his extended hand and shook it.
“Alan, please.”
They all went inside where Nita’s father was waiting for them.
“Eric, this is the young man I was telling you about.”
Alan extended his hand to shake his. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Langley.”
“I hear you’re a singer?” said Eric.
“Yes, that’s right.” smiled Alan.
“Famous too, eh?”
“Well… I suppose so...”
“Dad, don’t embarrass him.” said Nita. “Alan, make yourself at home while I go and pack.”
“I’ve made some sandwiches, and tea.” said her mother. “I’ll bet you’re hungry after your drive?”
“Lovely, Mum.” Nita headed upstairs to pack a case and then she telephoned her boss to ask if she could take her two weeks leave straight away.
“I’m sorry to inconvenience you, Mr. Davidson, but I’m afraid something’s come up.”
“There’s nothing wrong I hope?”
“No, no.” said Nita. “It’s a personal matter, that’s all. I have to go out of town for a few days.”
“Oh. Well, don’t worry, you can take your leave now,” said Mr. Davidson, “and I hope everything is alright.”
“Thank you very much.” Nita felt a pang of guilt as she hung up. He probably thought she had a dying relative or something, and here she was going off with a total stranger, to goodness knows where.
She went back downstairs to the lounge, where her parents were talking to Alan about his tour.
“We’re in Nottingham tomorrow, Peterborough on Thursday, Brighton on Sunday and Southampton the following Tuesday. Then I go back home to start over there.”
“Goodness, how do you find the energy?” asked Beryl.
Alan laughed. “Nita asked me the same thing.” He shrugged. “England is so small it doesn’t take long to get anywhere. Back home I sometimes have to travel a thousand miles between gigs. Anyhow, it’s easy for me. All I do is turn up and sing. My road crew do all the hard work. They’re busy moving all the gear right now.”
They finished eating and then Alan played with Nita’s dog, a Border Collie named Max.
Eventually, he said it was time to go.
They all moved to the hallway. Alan took Nita’s case and carried it out to the car while Nita turned to say her goodbyes.
“Don’t worry, Mum. I’ll be alright with Alan.”
Her mother nodded. She hadn’t liked the idea of her daughter swanning around the country with a ‘pop star’ but, having met Alan, she had to admit she liked him, and Nita was a grown woman, capable of making her own decisions. The obvious attraction between them hadn’t escaped her notice either.
“Look after her, lad.” Eric Langley told Alan as he came back from the car. “I’ve heard some unsavoury things about you show business people.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of her.” said Alan, speaking for the whole crew as well as himself. Nita felt a warm glow inside at his words.
“It’s been nice meeting you both.” said Alan, shaking their hands.
They got into the car and Nita waved until they were out of sight. They drove quite a way in silence before Alan said, “You’re quiet.”
Nita shrugged.
“Something wrong?”
“I don’t know…” She sighed, “I feel… sort of guilty. I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“It’s your life, Nita, you’ve got to live it your way.” said Alan, with a surprisingly hard tone that brought Brian’s words to her at breakfast back into her mind. “Your family might think they know what’s best for you, but it’s not always the case.”
“Perhaps.” said Nita.
-ooOOoo-
They stopped at a motorway service area on the way back, parking the Rolls in a quiet corner of the car park. It was getting late, and there weren’t too many people around.
“Do you want something to eat?” asked Alan.
“Yes, I’d like a snack, but I’d better go. You might be recognised.”
“O.K.” Alan fished in his jacket for his wallet. “Is this enough?” He handed her a twenty pound note.
“I should hope so.” laughed Nita. “I know it’s expensive here, but not quite that expensive yet.”
“I can’t get used to your English money.” he told her.
Nita brought sandwiches and some cans of Coke and made her way back to the car.
As they ate, Nita suddenly began to giggle.
“What’s so funny?”
“It seems so silly, eating sandwiches in a Rolls Royce.” laughed Nita.
Alan thought for a moment, glancing around at the sandwiches on their laps, the crumbs strewn over the seats, a can of Coke clamped between his knees and Nita’s balanced on the dashboard.
“Yeah, I guess it does.”
They both laughed. Then Alan said, “I haven’t done anything this crazy in years.”
They finished eating and then Alan suggested a nap before going on.
“I’m not tired, but you’d better, or you’ll be exhausted.
Alan leaned his head on her shoulder and in a few minutes he was asleep.
Nita dozed once or twice, but mainly she sat watching him, unable to believe this was really happening. She gently stroked his soft black hair, feeing his breath on her neck. If her friends could see her now…
She woke from dozing, and glanced at her watch.
“Alan.” She shook him gently. “It’s time we were going.”
Alan sat up, raking a hand through his hair. He too glanced at his watch.
“Yeah.” He yawned. “It’ll be late when we get in.”
He started the car and rejoined the flow of traffic heading North. He didn’t drive himself very often these days, and combined with the strange roads, strange car and getting up early after his show the previous night, he was exhausted when they finally arrived at their hotel.
He combed his hair in the rearview mirror, and straightened his clothes. Nita put on some lipstick and brushed her hair.
A valet came out to park the Rolls and Alan and Nita went into the hotel foyer.
A desk clerk appeared out of nowhere.
“Alan Moreno and Miss Langley. You have rooms for us?”
“Of course, sir." smiled the clerk, who had obviously been made aware of their VIP guest's imminent arrival. "Nice to have you with us, sir.”
They signed the register and the clerk handed them their keys and called for a porter to carry Nita’s case up.
Alan wrote something on a piece of paper on the front desk.
“Do you have an envelope?” he asked the clerk.
“Yes, sir.” The clerk handed him one.
Alan folded the piece of paper and put it in the envelope, sealing it and writing on the front.
“Would you see that Mr McAlister gets this at breakfast please?”
“Of course, sir. Goodnight, sir.”
They went up to their rooms yawning. Nita noticed the beginnings of a beard on Alan’s face, and his eyes were heavy.
They stopped outside Nita’s room and kissed.
“Come to my room. “Alan whispered in her ear.
Nita fought the desire within her. “No, Alan. Don’t push me. I’ve only spent a few hours with you. I barely know you.”
He kissed her cheek. “Alright.” He said, reluctantly. “Goodnight.”
Nita went into her room, beginning to wonder if it was he who was out for a good time, rather than herself.
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 4
Nita was up early the next morning. She dressed in black slacks and a pink sweatshirt and headed down to breakfast.
She noticed a “Do not Disturb” notice on Alan’s door as she passed.
Brian was already eating as she entered the Dining Room.
“Hey, Nita.“ he called to her. “What time did you two get in last night?”
“About midnight. Mind if I join you?” she asked.
“Sure.”
Nita sat down with her bowl of cornflakes.
“Alan left me a message.” Brian told her. “He’s having a lie-in this morning.”
“He was pretty tired.” Agreed Nita, feeling slightly niggled that he hadn’t mentioned that to her last night. Perhaps he’d taken offence because she had rejected his advances.
“We’ve got to get the gear checked this morning.” Brian was saying. “Want to come along?”
Nita looked doubtful.
“Alan won’t surface until at least lunchtime.” said Brian. “He’ll want to save all his energy for the show tonight.”
“Alright then.” said Nita. “If you don’t mind taking me.”
“No problem.” said Brian, taking a swig of orange juice.
He put down the glass and turned to look at Nita. “I’m sorry if I was rude yesterday.” he said.
“It’s alright.” said Nita. “You were only doing what you thought was best.”
“You know, Nita, Alan is two different people. He changes when he’s performing. He gets very nervous and uptight. He shuts himself away from everyone. You won’t get to see a great deal of him.”
“I’d be nervous in his shoes.” Nita replied.
“You should see him when he’s composing.” Brian went on. “Mostly he does it in the middle of the night, and when a song won’t come right, he gets really irritable.”
Nita went with Brian to the theatre and watched the goings on. It was very interesting to watch, although it all looked very complicated. People were rushing about with cables and soldering irons, and there were fragments of music as each instrument was tested, and flashes of light as the lighting crew erected and tested all the lights.
At lunch time Nita offered to get food for everyone.
They all settled for fish and chips and some cans of beer.
Brian took Nita to the fish and chip shop and while she ordered the food he went to a nearby off-licence to get the beer.
They returned to the theatre and sat around eating, and Brian introduced her to some of the regular members of Alan’s road crew.
Besides Brian, there was Lee, the Road Manager, Nick, Ralph and Ken, who organised the setting up of the equipment. Then there was Larry, the Sound Engineer, and Mike, Steve, Todd and Dave, the lighting crew. These were the people who went everywhere with Alan, although there were other people milling about who were ‘extras’ taken on for the duration of Alan’s UK tour.
Nita found them all very friendly, although she found their American slang hard to follow at times, and they too seemed to have trouble understanding some of her English. Most of them had been with Alan since the start of his career and it was obvious that they were all very fond of him.
After the sound check, Brian took Nita back to the hotel. It was three-thirty.
“I never knew there was so much involved in touring around.” said Nita, as she got out of the lift.
Brian laughed. “This is only the basics.” he told her. “When Alan does shows back home, they’re really lavish affairs, that can take days to get organised. But it’s too much for this country. There just aren’t enough big venues here.” He glanced at his watch. “Can you be ready to go by six-thirty?” he asked.
Nita grimaced. “O.K. I’ll be ready.”
Brian grinned, and pressed the lift button to go on up to the next floor. Nita headed down the corridor and knocked on Alan’s door.
“Yeah?” he called.
“It’s Nita.”
A moment later the door opened. Alan had on a dark blue towelling robe, and his hair was wet.
“Come in.” He padded over to the bed in his bare feet, picked up a towel and began to rub his hair.
“I’ve just come from the theatre.” Nita told him. “Everything’s ready.”
“Good.” Alan sat down on the edge of the bed. “Is Brian looking after you O.K?”
“Yes. I finally got to meet the rest of your road crew. They seem a nice crowd.”
“Yeah, they’re good guys.”
Nita kissed his cheek. “Nervous?”
Alan sighed. “Yeah.” He looked up at her, his eyes reminding her of a frightened deer.
She knew nothing she could say would make him feel any better, so she just smiled and tousled his damp hair.
“I’ll go and get changed.” she said. “It’s certainly hectic travelling around with you.” She paused in the doorway. Alan wasn’t listening.
“I’ll see you later.” she told him.
“O.K.” Alan replied, preoccupied and not looking at her.
Nita smiled to herself and closed the door.
Back in her own room she ordered sandwiches to be sent up. Then she went to shower.
Brian picked her up at six-thirty, smiling appreciatively at the mulberry dress she wore, which clung provocatively to her slim figure.
They took the lift down to the basement car park, and headed out to the dilapidated Ford that Brian had used to collect her from the station.
“It’s good of you to drive me around like this.” said Nita. “You have enough to do already.”
“It’s no problem.” said Brian. “I get paid to do what Alan wants.”
“That’s not the only reason though, is it?” asked Nita.
“No… Alan and I are old friends, as I told you. If you’re being here makes him happy, that’s good enough for me.”
Nita nodded, thoughtfully, remembering their conversation at breakfast the previous day, about her staying on for the tour. Brian had been concerned at the time, but he seemed happy enough about her presence now.
“How did you come to work for him?” she asked now.
“We grew up in the same neighbourhood.” said Brian. “Alan was always getting pushed around because his family were immigrants.” He smiled as he remembered. “He was a skinny little kid in those days. I used to step in, once in a while, to help him out. I guess he remembered, ‘cause when he made the big time he called me up and asked me to be his bodyguard. I’ve been with him ever since.”
​
“Not that he isn’t capable of looking after himself.” Brian continued. “He got into a fair few fights during his teens." He paused, a slight frown creasing his brow as he cast his mind back to those days. “It was a pretty tough neighbourhood.” he continued presently. “But, once he got into music he put all his energy into that and after he made the big time he left New York and moved out to L.A.”
They arrived at the theatre and went inside. Nita sat in the wings, as she had done before, to watch the show.
When Alan came off stage, she hugged him. “You were great.” she told him. He didn’t speak but gently pushed her away from him and walked off towards his dressing room.
Nita stared after him, not sure whether or not to follow. She glanced at Brian who just shrugged.
Nita sighed. She didn’t understand why he had done it, but if that was how he wanted to be, then two could play at that game. If he wanted her, he could come and find her. She wasn’t going to be treated like some groupie, she told herself.
She turned on her heel and stalked off to find Lee and the others, who soon put her to work helping with the dismantling of the equipment. Nita enjoyed herself, although she soon got dirty.
Someone produced an overall for her, but before she had time to put it on, Brian shouted her.
“Yeah?” she called back.
“Over here.” Brian beckoned her over.
Nita put down the overall and made her way over to Brian.
“Yes?”
“Alan wants you.”
“Oh, does he?” Brian caught the edge to her voice. “Where is he?”
“Still in his dressing room.”
“Thanks.” Nita strode off purposefully.
Brian smiled to himself. There was a stubborn streak in Nita that was only just beginning to show. If Alan thought he was going to walk all over her, he was in for a shock. She was tougher than her slight frame and elfin features belied. It was probably a good thing, he acknowledged. Although basically a decent guy, sometimes Alan got taken in by his own publicity and got a little too big for his boots and needed bringing down a peg or two. Nita seemed like the kind of person to do it.
Nita stalked up to Alan’s dressing room and deliberately knocked instead of walking straight in, still irritated by the way he had pushed her aside only to call her back at his convenience.
“Yeah?” called Alan.
Nita entered. “You wanted me?”
Alan caught the note of sarcasm in her voice and looked up sharply.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Nita sighed, brushing dust off her hands.
“I didn’t think you wanted me around.”
He went up to her. “I’m sorry. I had something on my mind.”
“Oh?”
“Do you have a passport?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Nita, my tour here finishes in a few days.” He said, his fingers playing with the ends of her hair.
“I know.”
“So, I have to go home.”
Home. The word hit her like a slap in the face. Home for him was California. She had been so happy this past couple of days, the fact that he would be leaving England had gone completely out of her head.
“Oh.” was all she said.
“I…” he began, “I want you to come with me, Nita.”
“To America?” Nita’s voice was a whisper. “But... I thought… I mean…” she trailed off.
“I know… I feel that way too… like time would stand still for us?”
Nita nodded, understanding what he was trying to say. It was like they’d been in limbo, getting to know each other, enjoying each other’s company, oblivious to the passage of time that threatened to part them.
“I know I only asked you to stay on until the end of this tour,” he told her, “but… I don’t want to go home without you, Nita. Will you come with me?”
“I don’t know.” Nita sat down, heavily. “I mean… it’s so far away…”
“It’s only a day away.” said Alan.
Nita didn’t reply.
“Look, I’ll put the air fare home in the bank for you, then, whatever happens, if you’re homesick or anything, you can come right home. How’s that?”
“That’s very nice of you.” said Nita, still stunned.
“Then you’ll come?”
Nita thought for a moment. She wasn’t sure about this. Not sure at all. This kind of thing just didn’t happen in real life, and certainly not to people like her. It was the stuff of fantasies, that only happened in teenage magazines. A fantasy romance. But reality wasn’t like that. She got up and paced the room, unaware of Alan’s eyes following her back and forth, almost holding his breath.
How could she leave her job and fly off to a foreign country with an almost total stranger? she asked herself. It was total madness. But, even as she thought it, her stomach churned at the thought of him going without her. Even though she’d only known him a few days, it was as if nothing else existed before she’d met him. She couldn’t bear the thought of her life without him in it. Whatever the outcome, she knew she had to see it through, and, as she turned to face him, one look at his handsome features, at this moment looking like a nervous schoolboy, she knew she couldn’t refuse him even if she’d wanted to.
“Alright.” she told him.
Alan let his breath out in a sigh of relief. He had been terrified she would refuse and he didn’t know how he would have handled it if she had. He strode across the room and pulled her into his arms.
“I hope you’ll be happy.” he whispered in her ear. “I don’t want to lose you.”
The next morning, Nita ate breakfast alone as Alan was sleeping late. Afterwards, she went out for a walk to think things through. Was she doing the right thing? What would she tell her parents? She doubted that the thought of her going to America would have entered their heads either. They probably thought this whole thing was just a ‘phase’ she was going through. And what about her job? She liked it, and the people she worked with, and was dubious about giving it up on a whim to go halfway around the world with someone she barely knew.
Eventually, she plucked up the courage to call her parents and headed back towards the hotel.
“Hello, Mum.” she said, as her mother answered the phone. “It’s Nita.”
“Hello, love. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, Mum. I’m having a lovely time.”
“That’s good.”
“I’ve got something to tell you, Mum.” Nita said presently.
“Oh?”
“Alan wants me to go home with him… to America.” Nita winced mentally at the silence from the other end of the line.
“Mum? Did you hear me?”
“Yes, I heard you.” Her mother sounded as if she was crying. “Are you going?”
“Yes, Mum. I think he needs me.”
“But, it’s such a long way, and you barely known him…”
“It’s only a day away, Mum.” Nita quoted Alan’s words, tears welling in her own eyes now.
“The thing is, Mum, I won’t have time to come back and see you before I go.”
Her mother was crying openly now. “Oh, Nita…”
“Please, Mum. It’s what I want.”
Just then, the door opened, and Alan came in. Nita didn’t hear him as he stood by the door listening to her conversation.
“Please, don’t cry, Mum.” Nita choked. “I’ll keep in touch. I’ll write every week, and I’ll come home whenever I can… Mum? Are you there?”
“Oh, Nita, must you go so soon?”
“Yes, Mum. All the arrangements have been made.”
“Wait, while I tell your father.”
Alan waited by the door, not wanting to startle her.
A few moments later, Nita’s father came on the line.
“Nita, are you sure about this? I mean, you hardly know the man.”
“Yes, Dad. I’m sure.”
“Well, if your mind’s made up, there’s nothing we can do to stop you but mind you keep in touch. You’re all we’ve got you know.”
“I know, Dad. I’ll be careful, and thanks for understanding.”
“I’ll put your mother back on. See you soon, love.”
Beryl Langley came back on the line.
“Listen, Mum. I’ll ring you as soon as we get there. I’ll be alright, I promise. Don’t worry.”
“I know you will. It’s just that we’ll miss you,”
“I’ll miss you too. Kiss Max for me. I love you. Bye.” Nita dropped the phone sobbing into her hands.
Alan crossed the room now.
“Nita…” he spoke softly, kneeling in front of her. “Nita?”
Nita buried his face against his neck and he hugged her to him.
“Ssh, it’s alright.” said Alan, stroking her hair. “Come on… don’t cry, or you’ll have me at it too.”
“Silly.” Nita pushed him away, smiling through her tears. She stood up, sniffing. “I’m alright. My mother is easily upset. I suppose it’s catching.”
“We could invite them over for a holiday later on, mabye?” said Alan, getting up and sitting on the bed.
“Oh, Alan. Could we?” Nita’s eyes lit up. “They’d love that.” She hugged him. “You’re wonderful... but I couldn’t ask you to do that. Come to think of it, I can’t expect you to keep me either. I must get a job.” she frowned.
“You don't need to.” said Alan.
“Yes, I must. I like to have my own money. I’m a very independent lady.”
Alan thought for a moment.
“Can you sing, or play an instrument?”
“I can sing in tune, just about. Why?”
“Then why not sing in my backing band? I’d pay you a salary the same as them.”
“Oh, I couldn’t…” said Nita.
“I’m sure you could. It’s not like you’d be singing on your own. There’s four of them… five with you. Rehearse with them, see what you think. I’ll get them to work out some harmonies for you. What do you say?”
“Well… I’ll think about it,” said Nita, “but I’m not promising anything.
-ooOOOoo-
The next day, they were on the move again, this time for Peterborough, and it seemed no time at all until the following Tuesday and Alan’s last concert at Southampton.
Nita had spent all week rehearsing with the members of Alan’s backing band. She had asked them to be honest with her about her abilities. She didn’t want them to accept her just because it was what Alan wanted, she wanted to earn her place on merit. At the end of the week they told her they would be happy to have her join them.
Alan had arranged for the Southampton show to be her debut, assuring her that she’d “be just fine.”
So, here she was, a few moments before the show was due to start, seated on a high stool on a platform at the back of the stage with two thousand people sat before her.
“God, I can’t do it.” she whispered to Cheryl, the girl sat next to her.
“There’s nothing to it.” smiled Cheryl. “Don’t look at them, just enjoy the music. It’s Alan they’ve come to see, they don’t give a damn about us. Half the time they don’t even notice we’re here. Think of Alan, having to face them alone. The pressure’s all on him.”
Nita did, and immediately felt sorry she’d complained.
A few moments later, Alan came onto the stage. He stood for a moment, listening to the applause, before signalling for the first song to begin.
Nita was terrified she would miss her cue, but there was so much noise around her, when everyone was playing, she soon forgot her nerves as she concentrated on the music and, when the time came, she sang perfectly.
She glanced down at Alan, seated at the piano, but he was engrossed in playing and didn’t look up.
In the interval, Nita shared a dressing room with the other girls, and they all had a drink.
“See, I told you you’d do fine.” Cheryl told her.
“Yeah.” said Annette, “No-one really listens to us. They only want to see Alan.”
“It wasn’t as bad as I expected.” said Nita. “But I’ll never make a singer.”
“You’re not so bad.” smiled Cheryl.
In the second half, Nita began to relax and enjoy herself. She wished her friends from work could see her now.
During one of Alan’s ballads, when the backing group had a chance to sit it out, Nita glanced down at Alan and saw him staring at her. He smiled as their eyes met.
Although he was at least thirty feet away from her, the distance melted away as his gaze drew her very soul to his.
Nita smiled back, and suddenly everyone else faded away and it was as if there was only the two of them there and the words he sang were only for her. She sat, enchanted, as he sang to her.
At the end of the song the audience stood up, cheering, but Alan and Nita sat, locked in each other’s gaze.
Suddenly, as if realizing where he was, Alan stood up to take a bow.
Nita cast an embarrassed sideways glance at the girls seated next to her, wondering if they had noticed, but none of them appeared to have noticed anything out of the ordinary.
At the end of the show Alan left the stage, leaving the band to finish the last few bars of the final song.
Afterwards, Nita changed and chatted to the others and, in her excitement, Alan was forgotten.
As she came out of their dressing room Lee and some of the others stopped to congratulate her, and while she chatted excitedly to them she helped them with some of the packing up.
Alan came out of his dressing room some time later, wondering where Nita had got to. When he saw her laughing and joking with the other crew members a wave of jealousy washed over him. He turned on his heel and walked out, his face set like stone.
Brian followed. He had seen Alan’s expression and knew what he was thinking. That Nita was going to be just like all the others, out to use him to get on, and that she didn’t really care about him at all.
Brian felt that Nita was sincere, but he didn’t know how to convince Alan of that so he just got in the car and drove him back to their hotel.
It was quite some time before Nita realised that Alan had left without her. At first she felt a little guilty for forgetting him, but her guilt soon gave way to irritation. It had been her debut tonight. He knew she’d been scared. He could at least have asked how she’d got on. He could have come and told her he was going back to their hotel.
Well, let him sulk, she told herself, and carried on with what she was doing. Later, she hitched a lift back to the hotel with Lee.
It was late when she unlocked her hotel room door. She switched on the light and turned to walk over to the bed. As she did so, she spotted a pair of feet protruding from an armchair in front of the door.
Momentarily fearing she had come into the wrong room, she peered over the top of the chair to see Alan, his head propped on one hand, asleep. Presumably he had used his celebrity status to persuade the hotel staff to let him into her room. Just looking at him, his face innocent and boyish in sleep, her heart melted. She reached out to push back a strand of his hair that had fallen into his eyes.
The movement disturbed him and he woke with a start, squinting in the light.
Nita turned and walked over to the bed and took off her jacket.
“You didn’t come to my room after the show.” Alan reproached her, a slight edge to his voice.
“You didn’t come to mine either.” Nita retaliated, irritated by his assumption that everything should revolve around him.
“You’re used to performing before an audience,” she told him, “yet I’ve seen you reduced to tears with nerves. Well, it was my turn to be scared, my turn to need some support. Where were you?” she turned to glare at him. “You couldn’t even be bothered to ask how I got on.” she accused him, turning away from him and kicking off her shoes. “At least Lee and the others were interested enough to ask.”
Alan was stunned into silence for a moment, realising the truth of her words. He looked at her, his brown eyes wide.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. It was selfish of me. I was being the big star again. I should have thought about you, but you know what I’m like after a show.”
He got up and walked over, pulling her to him.
“Anyhow, I knew you could do it.” he added, as though to excuse himself. “Did you enjoy it?”
Nita had to smile. “Yes, I did, after the first couple of numbers.”
“I missed you tonight.” he said.
Nita put her arms around his neck as he hugged her tighter.
They kissed. Gently at first, but then passionately.
“Did you feel it tonight, Nita?” he asked, his voice husky. “The chemistry between us? Out there, on the stage… it was like there was only us.”
“I felt it.” she whispered back.
“It must be right.” Alan whispered, his fingers unfastening her blouse. “Now is the right time.”
Nita didn’t resist as Alan picked her up and lay her on the bed, peeling off her blouse and bra. His hands travelled softly over her shoulders and down to her breasts. He leaned down, burying his face in their soft flesh, his mouth teasing her nipples into hard peaks.
She arched herself towards him, her body burning with desire. She unfastened his shirt, running her fingers through the mass of dark hair on his chest.
Although slim, he was surprisingly firm for a man who’s only exercise was playing the piano. She pulled off the shirt, pulling him close to her, her breasts tingling as they touched his flesh.
Alan got up to take off the rest of his clothes, dropping them to the floor before climbing back onto the bed, moulding her body to his. He kissed her face, her neck, her breasts, moving down to the pit of her stomach. Her muscles tightened as his long, slim fingers stroked her thighs, gently parting them before moving to enter her.
She gave a moan of delight as he did so. Gripped by an uncontrollable desire, she grasped him tightly, pulling him to her as if she could somehow make his body melt into hers. Her nails left imprints on his back and shoulders as she soared to previously unknown heights.
“Oh, Nita.” His voice was gruff in her ear, as their passion culminated in a mutual explosion which left them both gasping with pleasure.
For several moments, they were both too drained to speak. They lay, side by side, Alan breathing deeply to try and steady his racing heartbeat, Nita basking in the delicious afterglow which made her feel sleepy and contented.
Eventually, Alan rolled over to face her, cupping her chin in his hand and gazing lovingly into her eyes.
“Alan, that was wonderful.” Nita whispered.
He kissed her gently, before leaning his head against her neck.
“Don’t leave me, Nita.” he whispered. “I don’t think I could stand it if I lost you too.”
When Nita didn’t reply Alan propped himself up on one elbow, gazing worriedly into her eyes.
“You haven’t changed your mind?” he asked anxiously.
“No. Of course not. I was just thinking, I can’t believe this is happening to me. I keep thinking it’s all a dream and I’ll wake up in a minute and it will all be over.”
“It won’t be over. Not for us.” said Alan. “I can’t believe I’ve found someone who wants me for myself and not what I’ve got, or what I can do for them.”
“I don’t know how anyone could do otherwise.” said Nita.
“You’d be surprised.” said Alan, with a note of bitterness in his voice. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “In this business you have to build up defences. Never trust anyone. That way you think you won’t get hurt. But all you end up is lonely.”
“What’s made you so bitter, Alan?” asked Nita, hoping he would talk about the relationship Brian had told her about.
“I don’t want to discuss it.” said Alan. Then he reached over to kiss her. “I love you, Nita.”
“I love you too.”
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 5
The following morning, Alan gave Nita some money and told her to go and buy some clothes.
“It’s nearly always warm in California, so bring some shorts and T-shirts as well as dresses.”
“Are you sure?” Nita frowned at the money. She was reluctant to take it. After what Alan had said about people using him for what they could get, she was keen to prove she wasn’t out to do that.
“Yes, I’m sure. But hurry, we don’t have a lot of time.”
“Well, alright.” Nita pocketed the money.
Alan kissed her cheek. “See you at lunch time.”
Nita spent the morning shopping and then hurried back to the hotel to pack the clothes she’d brought.
They were due to leave for the airport straight after lunch. Alan was nowhere to be seen, sorting out final details for shipment of their equipment.
Nita suddenly remembered her boss at the theatre. Her leave was up this coming weekend. She would have to ring and tell them she wouldn't be coming back.
She explained to Mr. Davidson, her boss, that she had to go abroad on urgent business and that she would have to resign from her job.
“How long will you be gone?” he asked her. “If it’s just going to be a few weeks, I’m sure we can work something out.”
“I don’t know, Mr. Davidson. It might be some time. I can’t expect you to keep my job open. You must keep my pay in lieu of notice of course.”
“Well, if you’ve made up your mind. We’ll be sorry to lose you. I hope everything goes alright.”
So do I, thought Nita, as she hung up the phone.
She hurried down to the Dining Room where she had arranged to meet Alan and the others for lunch. They had all arrived now, and were discussing all the last minute details.
“Hi, Nita.” Alan smiled as she approached. “Did you get everything?”
“Yes. I bought shorts and T-shirts like you said. I’ll pay you back of course.”
“Nita…” Alan sighed, “You’re obsessed with paying your way. If I didn’t want to buy you something I wouldn’t. Jesus, anyone would think I couldn’t afford to spend a few dollars.”
“I’m sorry.” Nita blushed. “It was very nice of you. Thank you.”
After lunch, they departed for the airport in a hired bus. Someone, probably Brian, Nita thought, had managed to get her a last minute seat on the flight, and they all sat in the departure lounge, after checking in their luggage, drinking coffee.
“You’re quiet.” said Alan, seeing Nita gazing worriedly into her coffee cup. “Anything wrong?”
“I’m just a bit nervous.” admitted Nita. “I’ve never been on a jet this big before, or as far.”
“You won’t notice any difference once you’re up there.” Alan told her.
“I’ll be alright.” smiled Nita. In truth, she was feeling guilty about the way she’d just upped and walked out on her parents without even a proper goodbye, and given up her job for an uncertain life in a strange country, with a man she’d only known a couple of weeks.
Eventually, their flight was called and they all boarded the aircraft. They took off, Nita’s gaze lingering on England’s green fields until all she could see was the ocean.
She fell asleep, and when she woke, some time later, Alan, Brian, Lee and a couple of the others were playing cards over a few glasses of champagne.
Nita watched them through half closed eyes. It was lucky they had booked the First Class cabin for themselves. With all the noise they were making, the other passengers wouldn’t have been very pleased.
They were all laughing, loudly, and teasing each other.
“Hey, you cheated, man.” Lee was accusing Brian. “You had that card in your last hand.”
Brian was laughing, knowing he’d been caught red handed.
“You know I can’t beat you guys unless I cheat. You’re too good for me.”
Alan gave him a playful push, almost knocking him off his seat. Brian dropped his cards as he flung his arms out to steady himself. Hoots of laughter followed as a handful of other cards he’d been cheating with cascaded to the floor.
Alan and Lee tipped him onto the floor and pretended to beat him up with two rolled up newspapers.
“O.K. O.K, I give in.” pleaded Brian.
Alan and Lee let him up, Alan sitting down and taking another sip of champagne.
This was another side of Alan’s personality that was new to Nita. He was so relaxed, his cheeks flushed from their tussle with Brian, his laugh deep and throaty, his brown eyes sparkling with laughter.
“Remind me not to play with you guys again.” Brian grumbled good-humouredly. “I always come off worst.”
Alan leaned over to whisper some comment into Lee’s ear, and they leaned on each other’s shoulders, helpless with laughter. Feigning insult, Brian stalked off.
Nita couldn’t help but laugh at their antics.
“Nita!” Alan came over to her, raking his dishevelled hair off his face. “Want some champagne?”
On impulse, Nita put her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her. He fell across her lap and they kissed, to a series of wolf whistles from the others.
“Knock it off you guys.” Alan’s tone was light, but his eyes roved hungrily over Nita’s face.
Nita blushed, as a warm feeling of desire spread through her.
Eventually, the flight was over and it was time to take their seats for landing.
Everyone suddenly became very businesslike. Alan straightened his clothes and combed his hair before taking his seat next to Nita. Brian, Lee and the others, cleared away the cards and did the same.
As the plane touched down, Alan turned to Nita.
“We might have a reception committee.” he told her. “Brian is the boss here.”
Nita nodded, feeling suddenly nervous at the prospect of encountering Alan’s fans. He was very much the eligible bachelor. She would not be popular.
She took a deep breath, determined not to let her feelings show.
Alan held her hand as they walked through a group of pressmen waiting to take Alan’s photograph. Then they were inside the terminal building amongst a crowd of Alan’s female fans who had managed to find out when he was landing and had come to catch a glimpse of him.
The airport security tried to keep them back, but somehow they still had to get through them to get to the door.
Brian took over, forging a path and ushering them through, keeping close to Alan. Although only an inch or so taller than Alan’s six foot one, his broad body easily shielded Alan’s slim frame, his eyes darting around the crowd, on the look-out for any trouble.
Nita was quite frightened, but Alan seemed to feel quite safe in Brian’s hands. He kept smiling, moving whichever way Brian pushed him. Nita hung onto Alan’s arm and did the same, and soon they were outside and in the car waiting for them.
Alan‘s apartment was one of a block of six in one of the more up market areas of Los Angeles. The resident doorman, a silver haired man in his late fifties, greeted them as they entered the lobby.
“Mr. Moreno! Nice to see you back, sir. Had a good trip?”
“Hi, Frank. Yes, it was good, thanks.“ Alan stopped in front of his desk. “Frank, this is Nita. She’s going to be staying with me, so you can let her come in and out as she pleases.”
“Yes, sir.” Frank took Nita’s hand. “Please to meet you, miss.”
“Nita, meet Frank Sanilitro, our doorman.”
As Frank bent to kiss her hand, Nita noticed the butt of a gun inside his jacket.
“Hello.” she whispered.
“I bought you something back, when I get my luggage sorted.” Alan told him, as they headed for the lift.
“Thank you.” said Frank.
They went up in the lift to the top floor, where Alans apartment was situated.
“I always bring Frank a little something back when I go on tour.” Alan told Nita, as he unlocked the door. “He’s a good old guy.”
Once inside, Alan dropped their bags and flopped into a large reclining armchair.
Nita looked around her. The room was bright and airy with a full width patio window that opened out onto a balcony which looked towards the mountains. The carpet was royal blue shagpile, that Nita’s feet fairly sank into. A cream leather sofa stood in one corner of the room, with a glass topped coffee table in front of it on which stood several magazines and a portable T.V. A white baby grand piano stood in the opposite corner and, by it’s side, against the window, a large potted palm grew.
Alan’s armchair, again cream leather, stood just in front of the bedroom door and, by its side, against the wall, was a small drinks cabinet. The other wall was filled with built-in units on which were stacked books, records, hi-fi equipment and a telephone.
“What a lovely room.” Nita said on impulse.
She went into the main bedroom. This too had a patio window which opened out onto the same balcony as the other room. The bed was raised on a dias and the room was decorated in reverse to the main room, with a cream carpet and blue curtains and bed covers.
A series of mirrored doors filled one wall which revealed a walk-in wardrobe, with ample space for everything one could think of.
Nita went back into the main room.
“It’s beautiful.” she said, going into the kitchen. Alan watched her, looking amused.
All the kitchen fittings were pine, with a stone floor. There was a breakfast bar with four pine stools under it, and a carpeted recess that held a dining table and chairs, the windows overlooking the main road.
The bathroom was pale aqua, with marble surrounds, bath and separate shower cubicle. All of one wall was covered in mirrored tiles which gave the room an impression of immense size. A deep sea green carpet complemented the effect.
From there she went into the second, smaller, bedroom decorated in the same colour scheme as the main bedroom.
Nita went back to the living room where Alan was laughing at her.
“It’s only an apartment for Chris’sake, not the White House.” he reproached her.
“I love it.” said Nita. “But I expected you to live in Beverly Hills or somewhere.”
“It's a little small, but I’m rarely here for long, so there’s no point in having anywhere bigger. "And it's well protected." he added. "I can go away on tour and not have to worry about burglars and stuff. I wouldn’t want to live in Beverly Hills or anywhere like that. They’re like prisoners up there, in their palaces. I prefer to live in the real world.”
“Well, I think it’s gorgeous.” said Nita.
“Good.” said Alan. “Are you tired?”
“No. But I’m hungry.”
“Well, Miriam should have stocked the larder. Have whatever you like. I’m going to take a nap. O.K?”
Nita nodded. “Who’s Miriam? Your mother?”
“No.” laughed Alan. “Mama lives in New York. I've tried to persuade her to move out here, but she won't. Miriam’s my housekeeper. She comes in three times a week when I’m here, and once a week when I’m away.”
“Oh.” said Nita.
Alan disappeared into the bedroom and Nita spent a pleasant hour preparing a goulash. She made some coffee and sat on the balcony to eat. It was early afternoon and the California sun shone down, with just enough of a breeze to keep the temperature comfortable.
She unpacked some of her clothes and lay them out on the sofa. She would hang them up when Alan got up. She took a shower and changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, and tied her shoulder length hair up in a pony-tail before going out to sit in the sun.
At six o’clock she went into the bedroom. Alan was asleep, his head on one arm, the breeze from the open window blowing his hair slightly, his face and shoulders looking dark against the white sheets and walls.
Nita bent over and shook him gently. “Alan?”
Alan groaned and turned over.
“Alan.” She said again, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Alan opened his eyes, not sure for a moment, where he was. Then, remembering, he turned over sharply. “Nita?”
“Yes?”
Alan let out a sigh. “Nothing. I thought you weren’t here for a minute.”
“I’m here.” she replied, her insides tingling at the thought of his waking thoughts being of her. “Do you want something to eat?”
“Mmm. Sounds great.” said Alan.
“What would you like?”
“What did you have.”
“Goulash.”
“Is there any left?”
“Yes. I can warm it up for you.”
“Great.”
Nita went through to the kitchen to prepare it. When she came back into the living room with it on a tray, Alan was already on the phone to his Manager, discussing plans for his next album.
“I don’t know where you get the energy from.” Nita told him when he hung up.
“You’ll need some too.” he said, as he ate. “I want you with me.”
Nita grimaced.
“Don’t you want to?” he asked, worriedly, his fork poised in mid air.
“Oh, yes.” Nita put in quickly. “I just don’t know how I’m going to keep up with you. I’m used to regular hours, five days a week and weekends off.”
Alan smiled. “You’ll love it.”
“Do you mind if I phone my parents, Alan? I promised I would. I’ll reverse the charges.”
“Oh no you won’t.” said Alan. “Your folks can’t afford calls like that. Call them whenever you like.”
“Thanks. I won’t ring them too often and I’ll pay you back for the cost.”
“Nita, I wish you wouldn’t keep going on about paying your way. You’ve proved your point, O.K? I know you’re not a golddigger. If I thought you were I wouldn’t have asked you to come here with me. I invited you here and I’m prepared to pay for you.”
“Well, I’m not.” said Nita. “I don’t want to be a kept woman, Alan. I told you that. I like my independence.”
Alan sighed. “I don’t understand you.”
“That’s because you’re always looking for an ulterior motive, when there isn’t one.” said Nita.
“Maybe.” said Alan. “There’s an extension in the bedroom if you want to ring in private.”
“Thanks.”
Nita’s parents bombarded her with questions. How was the flight? What was America like? Was the weather good? Where was she staying?
“Mum, let me get a word in.” laughed Nita. “I’m fine. We flew in on a Jumbo jet. We’re in Los Angeles and I’m staying in Alan’s apartment. The weather is beautiful, the apartment block is great. It even has a doorman to keep out unwanted visitors. There are some wealthy and important people live here. I’ll write and tell you all about it. Oh, and I’ll send you some photographs as soon as I can.”
“Oh, yes, do.” said her mother.
“I can’t stay talking, Mum, these calls cost a fortune. I’ll write soon and tell you everything.”
“Alright. Look after yourself.”
“I will, Mum. Bye.”
When Nita went back into the living room, Alan was kneeling on the floor going through his bags. He held up a package, climbing to his feet. “I’m just going down to take this to Frank.” he told her. “Want to come?”
“No, it’s O.K.” smiled Nita. “I’ll finish unpacking.”
“I’ll have to stay and chat to him so I’ll probably be at least half an hour. O.K?”
“Take as long as you want.” smiled Nita.
Alan left the room and Nita finished unpacking her clothes and hung them up in the wardrobe. Then she looked around for some paper and a pen and sat down to write a letter to her friend Julie, from the theatre, explaining where she was.
When Alan returned, three quarters of an hour later, Nita was curled up on the sofa, flipping through the multitude of television channels on the portable TV.
Alan poured them both a drink and sat down by her.
“I had no idea you had so many TV channels to choose from.” said Nita, gazing at the screen in amazement.
“Most of its garbage.” Alan moved nearer to her, slipping his arm around her shoulders. She snuggled close to him, leaning her head against his chest, the closeness of his body arousing a warm glow of desire within her.
“Glad you came?” Alan enquired.
She raised her head to look at him. “Mmm.” she smiled, lazily.
Alan leaned down to kiss her and Nita was engulfed with now familiar light headedness by his kiss.
Suddenly, Alan grunted and broke away sharply. Nita looked down to see a large wet patch on the front of his shirt. Under the spell of his kiss, she had forgotten the full glass in her hand.
“Oh, I’m sorry…” she gasped. “I forgot the glass…”
“It’s O.K.” Alan stood up, grinning, and peeled the wet shirt from his body. He walked lithely across to the bathroom and deposited it in the laundry basket.
Nita watched him, her body suddenly burning with desire, their lovemaking of the night before fresh in her mind.
As Alan re-entered the room, Nita leaned forward and switched off the TV set. She put down her glass and gazed up at Alan who was standing in front of her, one hand on his hip, a quizzical expression on his face. She wanted him. Now.
“Alan…” she began.
He smiled down at her, her cheeks flushed, her eyes sultry, knowing what she was going to suggest.
He held out his hand and she took it, allowing him to lead her through to the bedroom. She looked at the bed, suddenly filled with apprehension, wondering how many other women had shared this bed with him.
Alan must have read her thoughts. “No-one.” he whispered in her ear as his arms went around her back to unhook her bra.
She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck as he picked her up and carried her over to the bed.
-ooOOoo-
“Come on, lazybones, wake up.”
Nita tried to focus on the voice. She opened her eyes, and instantly shut them again against the brilliant sunshine in the room.
She opened them again and squinted up at Alan who was smiling down at her, holding out a mug of coffee.
“Here, drink this and then come and get breakfast. Brian will be here to pick us up soon.”
Nita struggled into a sitting position and took the mug from Alan. He was already dressed, in tight fitting jeans and a blue and white checked shirt. She glanced at the clock. It was eight a.m.
“Where are we going?” she muttered, still only half awake.
“Sightseeing.” smiled Alan.
“Oh.” Nita sipped the coffee as Alan left the room.
Ten minutes later, she got up and went to shower. She dressed in jeans and a pink T-shirt and fixed her hair in a plait. She put on a little mascara and lip gloss before going into the kitchen, where Alan had laid out grapefruit, cereal and a pot of coffee.
Alan was seated on the sofa, poring over a sheaf of papers spread out on the coffee table.
“What’s that?” Nita enquired as she sat down on one of the high stools.
“Tour itinerary.” Alan muttered, his attention fixed on the papers.
Nita studied him as she ate her grapefruit. In the light, airy room, he looked more Italian than usual. The white walls and pale coloured furnishings accentuated his sallow complexion, and his silky black hair glinted in the sunlight as he moved his head. He chewed his bottom lip in concentration, his long eyelashes shielding his eyes as he read the papers, unaware of Nita’s eyes upon him.
He slapped the last page down on the coffee table and then gathered them all up and straightened them into a neat square pile before replacing them in a cardboard wallet. He got up and put the wallet on top of the piano, before glancing at his watch.
“Finished?” he smiled.
“Almost.” said Nita, picking up her coffee cup. Just then, the doorbell rang.
“That’ll be Brian.“ said Alan, heading for the door.
Nita hurriedly downed the last of her coffee as Brian came in, also dressed in jeans, and a black shirt. He wore a baseball cap pulled down low on his forehead.
“Hi Nita.” he smiled.
“Morning.” Nita replied, getting down from the stool.
“Ready?” Alan enquired.
Nita nodded. “Where are we going?”
“Today, Disneyland.” smiled Alan. “Tomorrow we’ll show you the city, and the next day I’ll take you shopping to some of the really fancy stores.”
“Fantastic.” gasped Nita.
Alan took her hand and they followed Brian down to the car.
They spent the day at Disneyland. Nita had seen it many times on television, but the experience was ten times better than she could have imagined. Alan wore sunglasses all day, hoping not to be recognised and, fortunately, he wasn’t.
That evening, he took her to an exclusive restaurant he knew, that was frequented by the rich and famous. Nita spotted a couple of actors she recognised and Alan pointed out a couple of politicians.
Nita ate her meal without looking at it, her eyes wide with wonder as she watched the goings on in the restaurant.
The Maitre d‘ seemed to be a celebrity in himself.
“He is.” Alan confirmed. “It pays to keep in with the Maitre d’ in these places. He has the final say on who gets in, and whether or not they get a good table.”
It was late when they arrived back at the apartment.
“Had a good day?” Alan enquired.
“Lovely.” smiled Nita. “But can you spare time for all this sightseeing? Don’t you have things to do?”
“I’ve shuffled things around a little.” said Alan. “I’ve got four weeks free, and I intend to make the most of them.” he told her, pulling her to him and kissing her.
The next day, Brian drove them on a tour of the city, taking in Mann’s Chinese Theatre with the foot and handprints of famous stars, the Hollywood Bowl, where they walked up to the back row from where it was possible to see the Hollywood sign, Chinatown and Olvera Street, the location of the original part of the city, before heading out to Venice beach, and Santa Monica pier, where they spent time trying out the various rides and the amusement arcade, before heading out to a quiet burger bar that Brian knew, for a bite to eat, before heading back to Alan’s apartment.
Nita was exhausted after their long day touring around the city, but Alan had her up early again the next day for a shopping trip to some of L.A.’s more up market stores. Alan bought himself a pair of shoes from one store and then treated Nita to a bracelet from another. Nita at first tried to refuse, but Alan insisted and rather than embarrass him in front of the shop assistant, she graciously accepted the gift.
The following week, they headed up to San Francisco, to attend a music industry awards ceremony that Alan had been invited to. There, they crossed the Golden Gate bridge, took rides on the cable cars, visited the famous Lombard Street and ate lunch at Fisherman’s Wharf before heading on a boat trip to Alcatraz. Nita thought the old prison very eerie, almost as though you could still hear the voices of its former inmates. The next evening, Nita accompanied Alan to the awards ceremony, wearing a shimmering gown that made her feel like a princess. It was held at an exclusive hotel and there were lots of famous musicians and celebrities there.
The following day, Nita and Alan’s photograph had been in all the papers, and she had been both proud and embarrassed at the same time.
She wrote to her parents, telling them all about her job with Alan’s backing group, the trips they had made and sent a copy of the newscutting about the awards ceremony along with some photographs of Alan’s apartment.
Nita liked America. She had always thought it to be a violent, frightening place, but was surprised to find it just the opposite. Everyone was very friendly and she didn’t see any trouble, although she couldn’t get used to seeing the police with their guns.
“How are you doing?” Brian asked her a few days later.
“Fine.” replied Nita.
“No problems?”
“No.”
“He seems happy.” said Brian.
“Do you think so?” asked Nita.
Brian nodded. “Yeah. But I warn you, he’ll start to get restless pretty soon. He’s a bit of a wanderer. Doesn’t like to stay in one place too long. He likes to keep on the move.”
“He’s been making plans for a new album.” Nita told him. “But he wanted to take this month to show me around.”
Brian nodded. “A month is about all he’ll have patience for.”
A week after their conversation, Nita began to notice a change in Alan. He seemed restless, and she saw him checking his diary, as though impatient to be off doing things.
The following night, Nita was woken by the sound of music. At first, she thought it was the stereo. Then she realised that Alan wasn’t by her side. She got up and went to the bedroom doorway, looking around the door into the living room. Alan was sitting at the piano, engrossed. The only light, a small lamp on top of the piano, showed the concentration on his face as he played a few notes, then stopped to write them down, trying out a few chords as he hummed softly to himself.
Nita got back into bed, glancing at the clock. It was two-thirty a.m. She sighed. The holiday was over. It was time for work.
When Nita woke at eight a.m. Alan was sound asleep. He did not stir as she got out of bed and headed to the kitchen where she ate cereal and made some coffee.
She wandered over to the piano, where Alan had left the music he had been writing. He had written almost a full page. Nita could read music from her schooldays and, from what she could make of the tune, it seemed very nice. She went out to sunbathe on the balcony until Alan got up at eleven thirty. He seemed in a strange mood, as though in a world of his own. When Nita spoke to him, he didn’t seem to be listening, so she decided to leave him to it, and went out to get her hair trimmed and do some shopping.
When she came back, Alan was back at the piano, working, so she went back outside to sunbathe.
“The band are meeting for a rehearsal this weekend he told her that evening. “Do you still want to sing with them?” he asked.
“Yes, I think I’d like to.” said Nita.
“Great.
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 6
The following week, the band met and rehearsed the routines for the forthcoming American tour.
Some of the songs were ones Nita had sung in England, but there were several new numbers as well as rearrangements Alan had done on some of his older material. There were also some songs he’d written that he wasn’t ready to perform yet, but he wanted to hear them to see if the effect was the same as he’d had in mind while he was writing them.
Two weeks later, they were heading back up to San Francisco and Alan’s first show in America for eighteen months, as he had been away on a world tour during that time.
Nita was nervous, and Alan looked even more tense than she had seen him at his English shows.
She remembered he had told her that opening nights always got to him more than any other and, when she saw the size of the arena they were to play in, she understood why he looked so apprehensive.
She stood in the wings, waiting to go on, very tempted to turn and run.
Brian came up to her. “Nervous?” he asked.
“I’m seriously thinking of running away.” she tried to joke. “This place is huge.”
“You’ll be O.K. Alan is terrified. He always is when he comes home after a long trip. He seems to think they’ll have forgotten him while he’s been away.”
“How many people does this place hold?” asked Nita, her eyes like saucers, fixed on the growing crowd beyond the stage.
“Twenty thousand.” Brian replied, nonchalantly.
“Oh, God.” Nita clutched her stomach as it threatened to jump into her throat. The couple of shows she’d performed in, in England, had only held two thousand or so people.
“Don’t worry. The others feel it too. But you’ll all be fine.”
“I still don’t understand why Alan gets so terrified after doing it for all these years. I mean, these people have paid a lot of money to see him. They all love him. He’s got nothing to be afraid of.”
“That’s the difference between doing a job, and being a star.” said Brian. “The day he stops being scared it’ll be time for him to quit.”
Just then, Lee came to tell him it was time to fetch Alan.
Nita and the other backing singers walked up some steps to their little platform perched high up at the back of the stage, where five high stools and five microphones awaited them.
The spotlights were switched onto Alan’s piano, and the house lights dimmed.
A few moments later, the band struck up the intro and Alan came onto the stage. He looked very tense, and stood for some time, listening to the thunderous applause of the audience, which seemed as though it would go on forever.
Eventually, he signalled the start of the first number, and the applause died down sufficiently for him to be heard.
Nita didn’t find it so hard this time, once she’d got used to the sight of the huge crowd before her. After all, they weren’t interested in her. They only wanted Alan.
After the show, she hurriedly changed, and went to Alan’s dressing room.
He was sitting at the dressing table, his head in his hands, his hair fallen forward so she couldn’t see his face.
Nita put her hands on his shoulders squeezing them gently, rubbing his neck with her fingers. Even now, she could feel the tension in him. He was like a coiled up spring.
“Relax.” she whispered. “She tried to move his hands away from his face but couldn’t.
She could feel him start to tremble and his shoulders shake as he began to sob quietly into his hands. Nita realised he’d been trying his hardest to keep it in, but couldn’t.
“It’s O.K.” she told him.
He folded his arms on the table top, burying his head in them. He wept for several moments before composing himself enough to croak. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” Nita asked, softly.
“I feel such a fool.” he sniffed, sitting up now. His hair was still flopped forward so Nita couldn’t see his face properly.
“I’ve tried and tried to control it… but I just can’t…” he broke off, reaching for a tissue. “My doctor tells me it’s good for me… a release of all the nerves I build up, but…” he shrugged.
“Don’t be embarrassed.” said Nita. “Having been on stage with you, I can understand why you feel that way.”
“Other people can handle it. Why not me?” he croaked.
“You’re not other people. You’re you.” said Nita. “You’re more sensitive and emotional than most people. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, I like it. It’s a nice quality.”
He took her hand, glancing up at her with moist brown eyes. “Thank you.” he said, huskily.
“Anyway,” Nita went on, “if you try to suppress all that tension, you’ll make yourself ill. Your doctor is right. You’ve got to let emotions like that out. If you feel like a good cry, or even like yelling at someone, then go ahead and do it. To hell with what other people think.” She laughed. “Those who don’t will probably all have heart attacks and nervous breakdowns and you’ll be able to say I told you so.”
Alan smiled, taking a towel to his damp hair.
“How was I anyway?” he asked.
“Do you need to ask?” said Nita. “You were great. But then I’m biased.”
“How did you do?” he asked
“Fine, once I got over the size of the crowd. I think I may just like it.”
“Good.” said Alan.
-ooOOoo-
The next two months were hectic, with shows nearly every other night. It often meant travelling through the night in a specially converted bus. Nita loved it, although she found it very tiring. She and Alan were virtually inseparable, except for when he was composing, and it was obvious to everyone that they were very much in love with each other. It reflected in the quality of the songs that Alan was writing. There weren’t so many of the soul searching ballads he was famous for, but more up-beat disco type songs that got your feel tapping and made you want to get up and dance, and sing along.
At the end of the two months, Alan had left two weeks free from touring so that he could begin recording of his latest album. Every spare minute was spent writing, rehearsing and recording, hardly even having time to sleep.
Nita felt very lonely during this time. She spent half the nights alone while Alan composed, and half the days on the other side of the glass in the recording studio.
She was surprised to find how ruthless Alan could be where his music was concerned. He knew exactly how he wanted it to sound, and nothing less was good enough. There were often heated arguments between him and the technicians, who felt that certain things wouldn’t work the way Alan suggested, but he invariably got his own way, and most of the time he was right. Not that he minded altering things if they didn’t turn out as he expected, but he would insist on doing them his way first. Very occasionally, he would lose his temper with the musicians if they didn’t grasp the interpretation of the music, but on the whole, the disagreements ended good humouredly.
Nita began to feel shut out as she watched them engrossed in their work, united by their love of music.
When they did eventually break for lunch, or coffee, they were so busy discussing what was wrong with this track or that track, or what was good on another, that Nita hardly had the chance to speak to Alan at all.
After a few days, she got bored listening to all the technical jargon, and started going back to the apartment in the afternoons, to sunbathe.
Alan hardly seemed aware that she had gone. And by the time he got home at night, she was usually asleep. He would come in, kiss her, and carry on working, grunting thanks whenever she produced coffee, or a meal, but very little else. She could understand why he was so thin. Left on his own, he probably wouldn’t bother to eat at all.
After two weeks intense work, they had got several tracks recorded and it was time to move on to continue the rest of the tour. Once again, they packed up and set off for another state. Alan took to working on songs for the album while they travelled and would sometimes fly back to L.A on the weekend to do some recording and then back out to join up with the band for the next gig. Nita was exhausted and she wasn’t working half the hours the others were. She was amazed at their resilience. She was also starting to resent the amount of time Alan spent away working. She could cope with the touring. At least she could get to see him before and after the shows, and share the stage with him when he was performing, but if he was writing she didn’t dare disturb him, and now that he was flying to and from the recording studio in between shows she hardly saw him at all. She began to understand why Brian had been so hard on her in the beginning. Anyone just out for a good time, who didn’t care about Alan, would have quit a long time ago, but because she loved him Nita stuck with it, even though she was fed up.
Two weeks later, they arrived in Phoenix, Arizona. Alan had one night’s break before his next concert and, to Nita’s surprise, he suggested they go out for a meal.
Brian booked them into a quiet restaurant he knew, and the waiters made sure they weren’t disturbed.
They soon fell into relaxed conversation, for once nothing to do with the tour or the album. It seemed a long time since they’d talked about anything else.
“It’s nice just to sit here and talk and relax.” she said, over coffee.
“Yeah. It has been a little hectic lately.” agreed Alan.
“Is it always like this?” Nita asked on impulse.
“It’s not always this bad.” said Alan. “It’s having to do this album and tour at the same time that’s messing things up. I’ve been away on tour so long, I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on. It’s hard staying at the top in this business.”
“You’re telling me.” said Nita. What she didn’t know was that all the work he was doing now was that which he had put aside in order to spend time showing Nita around.
“Don’t worry. Things’ll slow down soon.” He took a swig of wine. “Gee, my throat’s dry. Must be the desert air.”
After the meal, they went back to the hotel. By the time Nita had undressed, Alan was asleep.
After the show the next night, Alan complained of a sore throat.
Nita got some remedy for him and they moved on to their next date in Albuquerque.
The weather had been particularly hot and dry, and everyone was irritable when they arrived.
Alan had been particularly lethargic, which was unusual for him, and the last couple of mornings he hadn’t wanted to get out of bed.
The show wasn't until the next night, so Lee, Brian and the others decided on a night’s drinking, after setting up the equipment at the venue, to “wash the dust down”. “We can finish the sound check tomorrow.” Lee had said.
Alan had declined to join them, saying he would work on some songs, but Nita was thirsty, so she went to join them down in the hotel bar.
“Is Alan alright?” asked Brian. “He seems a little low.”
“I don’t know. I think he’s in for a cold or something. He’s been complaining of a sore throat all week. If you ask me, he’s working too hard.”
When Nita returned to their room, just after eleven, Alan was fast asleep, and when they got up the next morning, he sounded very husky.
“I’m alright.” he snapped, in answer to Nita’s query.
She put a hand to his forehead. “I think you’re running a temperature.”
“I’m alright.” Alan snapped again, pulling away from her hand.
“Well, don’t say I told you so when you catch cold.” retaliated Nita, slamming out of the room.
By the evening, Alan looked as rough as he sounded.
“Do you want me to get the Doc to look at you?” asked Brian.
“No.” Alan shook his head. “It’s just a bit of a cold. I’ll be O.K. I’m just a little run down I guess.”
He went off to get ready for the show and, when he walked on stage later, Nita could see how pale he was, even from her position at the back of the stage.
He shut himself away in the interval and Nita thought how sluggish he seemed when he came back for the second half.
His singing wasn’t noticeably impaired from the audience’s point of view, but those who heard him every night knew there was definitely something wrong.
Brian watched him worriedly from the wings. He was sweating more than usual, and even under the heat of the stage lights there was little colour in his face.
At the end of the show, Alan walked off stage to the usual thunderous applause. He seemed barely able to stand.
“Are you O.K?” asked Brian, catching his sleeve.
Alan nodded, going back for an encore. He felt lousy. He was dizzy and felt sick, but he had to finish the show.
Somehow, he reached his piano stool and sat down, trying to look as though nothing was wrong. He signalled to the keyboard player to pick up his piano solo for the final part of the song, and he sat at the piano singing, holding onto the piano with his free hand, to stop himself from falling.
When the song was finished, he took a bow, for once not conscious of the audience’s applause, his only thought to make it off stage without passing out.
He forced a smile onto his face, waved to the crowd and started for the wings. The short walk felt like miles. He felt breathless and, although he wasn’t wearing a tie, Brian could see him pulling at his open necked shirt as if it would give him more air.
He reached the wings, and Brian grabbed his arm. “You can’t go back out for another.” he told him, but Alan didn’t hear him. He sank to the floor at Brian’s feet, a red mist engulfing him.
Lee went to the edge of stage and made frantic signs to the band to finish playing. They did so and, despite chants of “we want more” from the audience, left their places and the stage lights were turned off.
Nita came off stage just as Lee and Brian were carrying Alan to his dressing room.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, running over to them, her heart pounding.
“We’ve sent for the doctor.” said Brian. “He walked off stage and passed out cold.”
They placed Alan in an armchair in the dressing room and Lee covered him with a blanket. Brian slapped his cheeks, but Alan did not stir. Although his face was beaded in perspiration, his skin was cold to the touch.
Nita sat by him, holding his hand, nervously stroking his long, slim fingers, her eyes rivetted on his face for some sign of consciousness.
A few moments later, the doctor arrived to examine him.
“What is it, doctor?” asked Brian
“We’ll have to have him in the hospital.” said the doctor. “He’s picked up a virus. It’s been knocking them down like ten pins here for weeks, but this young man is suffering from exhaustion and so it’s hit him harder than most. He needs complete rest for several weeks.”
“But… He’s in the middle of a nationwide tour…” began Brian.
“I’m afraid you’ll just have to cancel.” said the doctor. “This young man will be in no condition to go anywhere for a while.”
“Oh, no.” Brian raked a hand through his hair at the enormity of the task presented before them.
Nita went to the hospital with Alan, where they hooked him up to a drip to administer a concoction of electrolytes, vitamins, minerals and anti viral medication, leaving Brian and Lee discussing what to do next.
-ooOOoo-
Alan slept for most of the next two days. When Nita went to visit him on the third day, she was surprised to find him awake and propped up with some pillows.
“Hello, sleepyhead.” she kissed his cheek. “How do you feel?”
“Tired.”
“You’ve been asleep for the best part of two days” Nita told him. “You certainly look better than you did when they brought you in. The doctor says you’re to have complete rest for the next few weeks.
“But… the tour…” Alan protested.
“Brian and your Manager have got everything under control.” Nita told him. “They’re cancelling some of your shows.”
“Oh, no…” groaned Alan. This was the last thing he wanted to hear.
At the end of the week, the doctor agreed to let Alan out of the hospital on condition that he went home to rest for at least another two weeks.
He grudgingly agreed – in reality he knew himself that he needed it – and Brian made arrangements for a private flight to take him home to Los Angeles. Lee and the others would remain in Phoenix, on paid leave, with their equipment in storage, until such time Alan was recovered enough to continue the tour when they would pick it up at the next scheduled gig. Refunds had been given for the shows cancelled, with a promise that they would be rescheduled at a later date.
Nita, Alan and Brian flew back to L.A. on the private jet. Alan was still pretty weak and slept for most of the journey. Once home, in L.A, Nita followed the doctor’s instructions to the letter, making him stay in bed until lunch time each day, and feeding him up. After a week he was much improved and wanted to resume work, but Nita could see he wasn’t fit enough yet and insisted he continue to rest.
All business calls and visitors were banned, and even Brian refused to discuss business with him, merely saying that everything was “in hand.”
By the end of the third week, Alan felt well enough to continue the tour and so they packed their things and flew out to Memphis, where they would have been if they hadn’t had to cancel. Lee and the others would join them by road. Alan was relieved that they’d only had to cancel seven shows rather than the whole tour, which would have been financially disastrous.
Nita was still concerned about Alan’s health and insisted that he take things easy.
“And your album can wait.” she told him firmly. “Your fans have waited this long for it, a few more weeks won’t hurt. They’ll still buy it. Probably even moreso now, with all the publicity over your illness.”
“What would I do without you?” smiled Alan, hugging her to him.
Two weeks later, they arrived in Baltimore. This was their last stop on the East coast before heading back westwards, covering the Northern half of the country.
Nita had settled into her job with the backing band and enjoyed it immensely. Alan suffered varying degrees of stage fright depending how he felt at the time.
As Brian watched the show from the wings that evening, one of the venue's security staff approached him.
“Mr. McAlister?”
“Yeah.”
“There’s a woman asking to see Mr. Moreno.”
“Who?”
“She says her name is Maxwell.”
Brian frowned. Never heard of her. Did you tell her he doesn’t see anyone?”
“Yes. She said, in that case she had to speak to you.”
“Me?” Brian looked puzzled. “Did she say what about?”
“No. But she said it was very important.”
Brian sighed. “Alright, I’ll see her.” He followed the security man to the far end of the stage area where a woman suddenly stepped out of the shadows in front of him.
“Hello.”
Brian thought she looked vaguely familiar although he couldn’t recall where he’d seen her before.
He extended his hand to shake hers. “Hi. What can I do for you?”
“You don’t remember me, do you?” the woman asked.
Brian shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Corinne Maxwell.” the woman announced. "Although you'd know me better as Corinne Jamieson."
Brian’s mouth fell open. “Corinne? But… you’ve changed…” he finished finally.
“You haven’t.” she told him.
Brian suddenly thought about Alan.
“Why are you here?” he asked, a note of suspicion creeping into his voice.
“I have to speak to Alan.”
“What about?”
“It’s personal.”
“It’s been ten years, Corinne. What could you possibly have to discuss with him?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t discuss it with anyone else. Alan is the only person who can help me. Please.” Her eyes pleaded with his, seeming on the verge of tears.
Brian sighed. “I don’t know.” He walked a few steps away. Corinne followed him.
“Look, I know I shouldn’t have come here after all these years. I didn’t want to, but I have to speak to Alan. He’s my last hope.”
“Corinne!”
They both looked up to see Alan, staring open mouthed at her.
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 7
Talking to Corinne, Brian hadn’t realised that the show had ended. He had hoped he could get rid of her before Alan saw her.
Corinne walked past him up to Alan.
“Alan.” she began. “I’m sorry, but I have to talk to you.”
Alan’s face drained of colour. He reached out to a nearby post for support as the shock of seeing her again had his legs threatening to buckle underneath him. Suddenly, all the feelings of pain and anguish he’d suppressed all these years welled up in him. His heart pounded, blood rushing past his ears. He had the urge to yell and scream at her, to demand an explanation, and apology, for all the hurt she’d caused him, but he sucked in a deep breath and bit his tongue. Why humiliate himself all over again.
“What about?” he said now, staring at her. She looked older. The auburn hair that used to flow around her shoulders was now snatched back off her face and tied with a black ribbon. The sparkling green eyes he remembered now shone with unshed tears, and there were several lines around her eyes, but she was still beautiful.
“It’s Harvey.” said Corinne. “He’s run off with his mistress.”
Harvey, Alan presumed, was the lawyer he’d heard she had married seven or eight years ago.
“He’s left me with three children and the house to run. I’ve no job, Alan, no money. They’re threatening to evict me if I don’t pay the mortgage arrears and I’m terrified I’ll lose the children.“ The words tumbled from her, as tears ran down her cheeks. “I saw you were coming to perform here, in Baltimore, and… I didn’t want to come here, but I don’t know where else to go…” She broke off, sobbing into her hands.
Brian was looking at her with a look of pure disgust. How dare she turn up begging for Alan's help after what she had put him through. He was the one who had needed help then, but she had refused to even talk to him.
Alan instinctively put his arms around her shoulders and she buried her head in his shoulder.
Just at that moment, Nita came down from their platform at the back of the stage, stopping abruptly when she saw Alan with his arms around this woman. A wave of jealousy washed over her. She took a step towards them but then stopped, studying them.
The woman was obviously upset, but although Alan had his arms around her there was no warmth in his embrace. He stood, stiffly, gazing over her head, a pained expression on his face.
Perhaps this woman had brought bad news, she wondered. Maybe someone was ill or, worse still, dead. As she watched, Alan pushed her to arms length and spoke a few words to her. Then he put his arm around her shoulder and led her towards his dressing room. The woman took out a tissue and blew her nose.
Nita glanced at Brian, who averted his eyes, looking uncomfortable, before heading off in the direction of the stage to start sorting out the equipment.
Nita ran after him. “Brian?” she called, catching his sleeve.
Brian stopped walking.
“Is something wrong?” asked Nita.
“I don’t know.” said Brian, his voice flat.
“Who is that woman?”
“Mrs. Corinne Maxwell.” Brian said the name with contempt.
“Who’s she?”
Brian sighed. There was no point trying to hide it.
“Do you remember the girl I told you about, the first time you came to see Alan?”
Nita nodded. Then, when Brian said nothing more, her jaw fell open.
“You mean… that’s her? But… what does she want?”
“I’ve no idea.” Brian replied shortly. He could hazard a guess but didn’t want to convey his thoughts to Nita. “She would only speak to Alan.”
“Oh.” Nita gazed thoughtfully in the direction of Alan’s dressing room while Brian went about his business.
Nita had to know what was happening. She started towards Alan’s dressing room.
Perhaps she wanted Alan back? Maybe she had heard about his relationship with Nita and it had made her realise that she still wanted him. Brian had told her that Alan had been very much in love with her, and from what she had gathered there had been no one special in his life since then, except for Nita herself. Perhaps she’d come here to try and persuade him to try again. Not that he had looked all that happy at her presence, but that was probably just the shock of seeing her again out of the blue.
With all these thoughts whizzing around in her head, she burst into Alan’s dressing room having decided to pretend she knew nothing about Corinne’s arrival.
“Hi.” she began, as she closed the door. When she looked around, Corinne Maxwell was seated in an armchair, Alan on a stool facing her holding her one hand in his two. Her other hand was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. They were deep in conversation.
Alan looked up, absently, waving her away. “Not now, Nita, please.”
Nita’s jaw fell open. How dare he speak to her like that, and in front of that woman. She turned on her heel and went back out, slamming the door behind her. She walked out of the theatre and hailed a cab, tears stinging her eyes. That was it. She’d lost him. His love for that woman was stronger than his feelings for her – assuming he’d ever had any. Perhaps he had been using her as a substitute all along. She remembered Brian commenting that she was ‘not unlike’ the woman in her features and manner and, now that she was back, he would cast her aside to resume his relationship with her.
Nita stared out through the cab window, the lights in the shop windows they passed blurred by her tears. It certainly hadn’t taken her long to win him back. Precisely five minutes. Well, she wouldn’t give him the chance to cast her aside, she thought angrily. She wasn’t about to be anybody’s second best.
She got out of the cab at the hotel and told the driver to wait while she went up to get some cash to pay the fare. Then she went back up to their room, undressed, climbed into bed and sobbed into the pillow.
-ooOOoo-
Back at the theatre, Corinne had tearfully explained about her husband’s long running affair with his secretary, a girl of twenty, fourteen years his junior.
When Corinne had found out about it she had confronted him, telling him to give her up or move out. He had chosen the latter, leaving her with no job, no money, three children under the age of ten to care for, and an expensive house to run. She had used up all of her savings and was now being threatened with eviction for mortgage arrears, and the electricity company were about to cut off their supply unless payment was forthcoming. Her father was dead, and her Mother almost as poor as she was.
“I couldn’t ask my mother for help.” she told Alan. “Eventually I should get money from Harvey, but I’ve got to go to court to get it. He said he won’t pay me anything because I forced him to leave the home against his will. Instead, he’s spending it all on that little bitch.” She blew her nose.
“When I saw that you were coming to town… you were my last hope. I need a loan, Alan… just until I can get some money off Harvey.”
“That’s no problem.” said Alan, horrified that this Harvey could have treated her so badly.
“I’ll pay you back, I swear.” sniffed Corinne. “I really do hate to ask, after all these years… after…” she trailed off, her cheeks flushed, guiltily “…what happened…”
Pain shafted through him at her reference to their parting, but he forced his voice to be light.
“I’m glad you came to me. I’d hate for you to be on the streets.”
Relief flooded her face. “Oh, I can’t tell you how much this means to us... I was afraid you wouldn't see me, and I didn't know what I was going to do then...”
“How much do you need?” asked Alan. “Five thousand? Ten?”
Corinne looked shocked. “Oh, no, I only intended to ask you for two.”
“I’ll get changed, and we’ll go back to my hotel and I’ll write you a cheque, O.K?”
“If you’re sure… I really can’t thank you enough...”
“Not another word.” Alan told her, “And don’t worry about paying me back, I’m in no hurry.”
When they went to find Brian, he seemed to have disappeared, so Lee drove them back to the hotel where, at Alan’s request, the Management very kindly opened the Dining Room for them and provided them with some supper.
Alan slipped upstairs to get his cheque book. Nita was sound asleep and did not stir.
“There.” Alan handed Corinne a cheque.
“Ten thousand…?” she shook her head. “Oh... But... I can’t… it’s…”
“Shush.” Alan interrupted her. “Take it.” He pressed the paper into her hand.
Corinne blushed. “Thank you so much. We’ll be able to pay all the arrears with this and stay in the house.” she said, smiling into his eyes. “
The atmosphere between them suddenly became strained.
Eventually, Alan broke it by asking “Were you happy? Before all this I mean?”
She pondered for a moment. “I thought we were.” she replied. “Obviously I was wrong.” She sighed. “I seem to make a habit of being wrong about things.” she added, giving him a meaningful look.
Alan nodded, then stared into his coffee cup. Another lengthy silence ensued.
“How about you?” Corinne ventured some moments later.
“Oh…” Alan stretched out the word. “I’m doing O.K.”
“So I see. You have a lot of adoring fans.” she teased.
Alan smiled. “I guess. I just enjoy the music.”
“I know.” For a moment Corinne looked sad. She had thrown away his love because she had thought his profession unreliable, and because his love for it had always made her feel second best. At the end of the day, he had come off best. Here he was, single, no ties, handsome, talented, doing the job he loved, adored by millions and with plenty of money. And where had her practical, conservative attitude got her? Broken hearted and broke.
“Do you have… anyone special?” Corinne ventured.
Alan nodded, smiling into his coffee cup. “Nita… the girl who came in at the theatre?”
Corinne nodded.
“She’s British.” Alan told her. “I brought her over with me. She sings in my backing band.” He paused, smiling to himself. “Not that she had to. But she wanted to pay her way. British sense of pride, you know?”
Corinne nodded again.
“Are you happy?” she asked.
Alan stared into his cup, nodding slowly. Then, he looked into Corinne’s eyes. “Yes.” he said, suddenly realising it was true. He had spent so many years living with his heartache, happiness had crept up on him without him realising it.
“I’m glad.” Corinne reached out and patted his hand. She glanced at her watch. “It’s almost one. I should go. I left the children with a sitter. She’ll think I’ve got lost.”
“I’ll call you a cab.” Alan offered.
They sat for several moments, neither wanting to be the first to move.
Eventually, Alan stood up and held Corinne’s coat. She got up and put her arms in the sleeves.
As he settled it about her shoulders, his hands lingered there for a few seconds before he gently squeezed them.
They moved outside and Alan hailed a cab.
“If you need anything else, just let me know.” he told her.
“Thank you, but I’ll be fine now.”
“Don’t worry about paying me back. Take it as a gift.”
“Thank you.” Corinne smiled up at him. After a moment, she said “I’m sorry for the way I treated you, Alan. It was cruel. The only excuse I can offer is that I was young and immature.”
Alan shrugged. “Forget it.” He tried to sound nonchalant about it, but the catch in his voice gave him away. It might have been years ago, but the pain of it was still there, deep inside him. Corinne recognised it and reached out a hand to squeeze his upper arm in a gesture of compassion.
A cab pulled up and Alan opened the door for her.
“It’s been nice, seeing you again.” he said, softly.
Corinne nodded.
Alan leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Bye, love.” he whispered close to her ear.
“Goodbye. And thank you again.” Corinne climbed into the cab and wound down the window.
“Take care.” he told her.
She nodded. “You too…. Be happy.” she said, before waving the cab driver to drive on.
Alan watched it out of sight, his hands thrust deep into his jacket pockets, the breeze blowing his hair into his eyes.
When the cab disappeared from view, he walked slowly up the hotel steps, kicking at one or two bits of paper blowing around outside, wondering about what might have been if things had played out differently.
He caught the lift up to their room. Quietly, he undressed and got into bed.
-ooOOoo-
Alan was woken the next morning by the sound of doors banging. Opening his eyes, he focussed on the ceiling, trying to remember where he was, before gazing around the room as he tried to locate what was making all the noise.
His eyes came to rest on Nita, banging the wardrobe doors open and closed as she carried clothes over to a suitcase in the middle of the floor.
Alan sat up, raking his hair out of his eyes. “What are you doing?”
“Packing. What does it look like.”
Alan tried to get his thoughts in order.
“Packing? But why?” he yawned.
“Because I’m leaving.”
“Leaving?” Alan looked puzzled. He was sure they didn’t have to leave for the next gig until tomorrow. “Leaving?” he said again. “Why?”
“Why do you think?” snapped Nita, hurling shoes into the case. “Because of her.”
“Who?”
“Don’t play the innocent with me.” Nita rounded on him. “I saw you together, with her turning on the waterworks to win you back. It didn’t take long, did it? About five minutes by my reckoning. Five minutes, and you were eating out of her hand.” She shook her head. “I can’t compete with that.”
She picked up a blouse, fiddling with the buttons. “I really believed you cared for me.” she whispered, before suddenly flinging the blouse into the case, slamming the lid shut. “What a fool I’ve been.”
“You’ve got it all wrong, Nita.” Alan climbed out of bed and walked towards her.
“Have I?” snapped Nita. “You threw me out of the room, damn you, so you could be alone with her.”
Alan stopped in his tracks. “Only so we could talk.”
“Ha!” sneered Nita. “Is that what you call it?”
Alan looked stunned. “Corinne was…”
“Your first love. I know.” Nita finished for him. “And they say you never fall out of love with your first love.”
Alan looked confused, wondering how Nita knew about Corinne.
“She was, yes, but not any more.”
“No?” Nita was unconvinced.
“No.” Alan sighed. “She’s in trouble. She needed help. I was the only one she felt she could turn to.”
“What about her husband? Doesn’t he count? Fancy a bit on the side, did she? Or perhaps hearing you were seeing me rekindled the flame and she came to lure you back to her bed.”
“Her husband left her.” Alan said, flatly.
“I’m not surprised.” Nita glared at Alan, her cheeks flushed with anger. She picked up the suitcase and headed for the door. “You’ve made a fool out of me.” she hissed at him. “You don’t get to do it a second time.”
Alan hurriedly intercepted her, barring her way.
“Let me through.”
“Let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain. I have eyes in my head.” Nita grabbed the door handle and tried to open the door, but Alan refused to move.
“Get out of my way.” Nita yelled at him.
“You’ve got it all wrong, Nita. I’m not letting you go until you let me explain.” He tried to take the suitcase from her.
They struggled for possession of the case until Alan wrenched it from her hand.
Nita tried to wrench it back, but Alan fended her off.
“Nita.” He pleaded.
“Get out of my way, you bastard.” Nita yelled. She raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face.
Suddenly, there was silence.
Nita drew in a sharp breath, shocked at herself, while Alan rubbed his face, staring at her with an expression of shocked surprise. Four red finger marks showed clearly on his cheek when he took his hand away.
Silently, he moved away from the door, gazing at her with hurt in his doe-like eyes. Nita did not move.
“Don’t leave without hearing what happened.” Alan’s voice trembled as he spoke. “Please.”
Their eyes held. Presently, Nita moved to sit down, stiffly, on a chair, her face set. Alan moved to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing his still smarting cheek.
​
"Go on." snapped Nita.
“She found out her husband was having an affair.” Alan began. “She told him to choose between them. He did. He chose the mistress, well, his secretary actually. He left her with an expensive house, three kids, no job and no money. The electricity company are about to cut her off, she’s on the verge of being evicted for mortgage arrears and she’s worried she’ll lose her children if she loses the house. When she heard I was coming to town, she took a chance to try and see me. She wanted a loan, to get her out of trouble. That’s all.”
They sat in silence for several moments, while Nita contemplated his words.
“How could she bring herself to beg you for money?” Nita said, eventually.
“She’s desperate.” said Alan. “If you thought you were going to lose your home and your children, wouldn’t you try anything?”
Nita thought about it. “I suppose so.” she conceded. “But what about her husband?”
Alan shook his head. “Refuses to pay her a cent because he says she forced him to leave against his will. She’s got to go to court.”
“The bastard” said Nita.
“My feelings exactly.”
“So, she doesn’t want you back?”
“No.” said Alan. “And I don’t want her back. I have what I want.”
“Do you?” Nita looked at him.
He nodded. “It was nice to see her again, but it was over between us a long time ago. It took seeing her again for me to realize it I guess. It's you I want.”
“I’m sorry I hit you.” Nita said now.
“So am I.” smiled Alan, rubbing his face where the red marks still showed.
“I don’t know what came over me.” said Nita, looking embarrassed.
“Friends?” Alan asked presently.
Nita nodded. “Friends.”
“Then lets go get some breakfast.”
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 8
The following week was Nita’s birthday. Alan had arranged a surprise party for her, to which all of the road crew and the backing singers were invited.
Brian’s girlfriend, Kim, flew out from L.A. for the occasion. She and Brian had been going steady for a couple of years, but she had a good job with a newspaper and wouldn’t give it up to travel with him, so they only saw each other if he was able to fly home between gigs or when Alan wasn’t touring.
She wasn’t at all the type of girl Nita would have expected Brian to pick. A slim, leggy blonde, almost as tall as he was in her stiletto heels. Her hair, Brian assured Nita, was long enough to sit on when let down but, on this occasion, she wore it in a long plait which was wound around her head.
Nita kissed Alan as he passed by with some drinks.
“This is a lovely surprise.” she told him. “Thank you.”
Alan put down the drinks and delved into his pocket, producing a small packet wrapped in cold coloured paper.
“Happy birthday.” he smiled, handing it to her.
Nita took the box and unwrapped it. Inside, on a bed of cotton wool, lay a necklace.
She took it out of the box. It was a diamond, set in a diamond shaped gold setting, on a gold chain.
“Oh, it’s beautiful” Nita gasped, examining it more closely. “It must have cost a fortune.”
“You’re worth it.” said Alan. He took the necklace from her and she turned around for him to put it on.
“Thank you.” she hugged him.
Brian, Lee and a few of the others had all bought gifts for her.
“You shouldn’t have.” she told them.
“It’s a pleasure.” smiled Brian.
Nita smiled, all the niggling doubts she had harboured about Alan’s feelings towards her fading away. She was floating on a sea of happiness. She had everything she could possibly want. A lovely man, a job she enjoyed, lots of friends, the opportunity to travel. The only thing that marred her enjoyment was the fact that her parents couldn’t be here to share it with her.
But Alan had thought of that too. He had spoken to them on the phone and arranged for them to ring her at a pre-arranged time. He had also discussed a gift from them to her. Alan had purchased it, and her parents had sent him the money for it along with a birthday card for her.
Alan glanced at his watch and called her over.
“Here.” He handed her another packet.
“What’s this?” Nita looked surprised.
“Open it and see.”
Nita ripped off the paper. Inside the box, was a gold bracelet. It matched the necklace that Alan had given her. Inside was a card. Nita picked it up. It said ‘Happy birthday, Nita. Love, Mom & Dad’ written in her Mother’s hand.
Alan handed her their birthday card. Nita read it with tears in her eyes
Just then, the phone rang.
“Would you get that, Nita?” Alan said, casually, trying to look busy.
“Sure.” Nita picked up the phone. “Hello.”
Voices singing ‘Happy birthday to you’ greeted her.
“Mum! Dad!... How did you know where I’d be?”
“We arranged it all with Alan.” her mother told her.
“It’s wonderful to hear from you.” said Nita. “I’ve been so busy lately, I haven’t had time to phone.”
“We got all your letters. You sound as if you’re having a good time.” said her mother.
“Oh, I am.” Nita replied, enthusiastically. “Thank you for the present. It’s lovely. I’m wearing it now.”
“Alan got it for us. Is he better now?”
“Yes, he’s fine.”
Her father came on the line then. “Are you enjoying the party?” he asked.
“Yes. It’s fantastic.” said Nita. “I wish you could be here with us.”
They spoke for several more moments before Nita’s mother said they must go.
“Keep sending your letters, won’t you?”
“I will, Mum. And thanks for ringing.”
“Take care, love.”
“I will. Bye.” Nita put down the phone and searched for Alan, finding him in the kitchen.
“Happy?” he asked, smiling down at her.
Nita nodded. “You’re fantastic.” she told him.
“Can I help it?” laughed Alan.
-ooOOoo-
Alan resumed work on his album in between concert dates, and once again Nita hardly saw anything of him. If he wasn’t writing, or nipping back to L.A. for a recording session in between gigs, they were performing, travelling or sleeping. Days went by and they would barely have time to speak to each other. Towns and cities came and went in a blur. Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City. After a while, one place began to look pretty much like another.
Although Nita enjoyed the life, she began to get fed up of rating at least third in Alan’s life after writing, recording and performing.
She was sure he loved her, in his own way, but the more she watched him, the more she began to feel that he loved his work more. Brian had tried to warn her in the beginning, but she hadn’t really understood what he’d meant, until now.
She had known his profession would mean she wouldn’t see as much of him as she would like, but this was getting ridiculous. Even when they finally escaped to the privacy of their own room, they were too tired for anything other than sleep.
She liked the life, but she wished that, for once, they could just be alone together, with no concerts, no press, no fans. She was tired of the incessant travelling, of living out of a suitcase, the security that robbed them of their freedom, and of having to maintain a ‘public image’. It was a far cry from those first glorious weeks when she and Alan had gone sightseeing, laughing and loving with no other thought in their minds than to do it all again the next day.
And what about the future? She had been with Alan for over six months now, and although she loved him deeply, she felt that their relationship was going nowhere.
He was good to her, she couldn’t deny that. He had given her a job, money, bought her presents. But despite everything, Nita always felt he was holding back, as if there was some deep rooted emotional block that prevented him from giving himself one hundred percent.
He said he loved her, but he never mentioned marriage, or kids, or a future of any kind. He seemed quite content to drift on as they were now. Nita wasn’t in any rush to get married, but she thought that the subject would at least have come up in conversation by now, even if only as a possibility for the future.
And then there was the way he organised their day to day lives, without ever thinking to consult her, automatically expecting her to agree to whatever he wanted, like one of his road crew. She would have gone along with anything Alan wanted, but it would be nice if, once in a while, he would ask if it was O.K. with her.
Perhaps she felt like this because she was tired, she reasoned. They couldn’t tour forever. Maybe things would get better when the tour ended and they got back to L.A, to the apartment and a more permanent home base, away from the pressures of being on the road. Maybe then they would find the magic of those first few weeks that they seemed to have lost somewhere along the way.
Brian was a good friend to her as they struggled under the punishing tour schedule, but it didn’t make up for the lack of attention she got from Alan.
Eventually, they arrived in Denver, Colorado, three quarters of the way through the tour. Everyone was tired and irritable.
After the show that evening, Nita changed and went to Alan’s dressing room. It was about the only time she could get him to herself.
He was just getting changed as she entered the room.
“Hi.” she smiled.
“Hi.” Alan replied, absently, his mind elsewhere.
“Are you O.K.?”
“Sure.” he said, rubbing his damp hair with a towel and taking a brush to it.
“What’s wrong?” asked Nita.
“Mmm?” Nothing. Why?” he glanced at her through the mirror.
“You seem… well… distant just lately.”
Alan shrugged. “I’ve got things on my mind.”
“Like your next record I suppose.” snapped Nita, surprising even herself at the note of sarcasm in her voice.
“Yes. Why? Shouldn’t it be?”
“That’s all you think about these days.”
“I have to, Nita. I told you. If you want to stay at the top in this business, you have to work at it.”
“Not twenty-four hours a day.” snapped Nita. “And not at the expense of your private life.”
“What do you mean?” Alan turned to look at her.
“Oh, Alan.” sighed Nita. “Can you really be so blind? We hardly see each other any more. If we say half a dozen words to each other in a day we’re doing well.”
“I thought you liked this kind of life?” countered Alan.
“You’re missing the point, Alan. I do like the life, but I didn’t come here just to become another one of your entourage.”
“You were the one who wanted a job, and your independence.” snapped Alan, his temper beginning to rise. “Now you’ve got it, you’re complaining about it.”
“I’m not.” said Nita. “It’s just—"
“Yes, you are.” Alan interrupted her. “You didn’t have to work. I told you I was prepared to keep you, but you didn’t want that either. What do you want for Chris’sake?”
“One of the reasons I wanted to work was because I didn’t want to be accused of being a golddigger, or just out for a good time.” Nita reminded him. “If I hadn’t taken this job I would never see you at all.” she pointed out. She sighed. “I’m happy with that side of things.” she told him. “But whether or not you pay for my keep, or whether or not I work for you doesn’t make us any closer. I want you to share yourself more with me. I feel like a member of your road crew, not your girlfriend.”
Alan raised his eyes to the ceiling. “For God’s sake.” he groaned. “I’m already trying to split myself half a dozen ways.” he said, wearily. “I can’t cope with any more. Anyway, you don’t know anything about music. How can I discuss my work with you?”
“I'm not talking about your work. I'm talking about our relationship. Us. You know – boyfriend and girlfriend?" retorted Nita, irritated that he’d managed to twist it around to be about him and his work rather than their relationship. “We’re supposed to be a couple. Couples talk to each other, share things, learn about each other. How do you know I know nothing about music?" She glared at him, her anger rising. “When did you ever bother to find out? When do you ever think of anything but yourself?” she hurled at him, knowing deep down that that wasn’t completely true. He’d done a lot for her, buying her presents, arranging her birthday party, organising gifts from her parents and taking time out of his busy schedule to take her sightseeing when she’d first arrived. But she was too angry at his inference of her ignorance to acknowledge it.
“I’ve had it with this.” she yelled. “I’m sick to death of your selfishness. You’re a typical pop star. You think the whole damn world should revolve around you. All I hear is MY record, MY show, MY this, MY that. All I ever hear is my, my, my. You don’t give a damn about anyone or anything as long as you’re alright, sitting up there on your pedestal like some king in his castle, lording it over everyone. ‘Look at me, Alan Moreno, aren’t I wonderful’?” she mocked. “It must get pretty lonely up there with only your ego and your big fat bank balance to keep you company.” She shook her head disgustedly. “No wonder Corinne dumped you. I don’t blame her!”
“I’ve worked damned hard for what I’ve got.” Alan was shouting now, angered by her reference to his breakup with Corinne. “I wasn’t an overnight success you know. I’ve worked for ten years to get where I am.”
“You’ve been well paid for it.” sneered Nita. “And now you’re so pampered and so spoilt you’re completely out of touch with real life.”
Alan turned to her, furious now. “Real life? Don’t talk to me about real life. You have no idea. I know a thing or two about real life!” he hissed. “My family was poor. Poorer than you could ever imagine. We didn’t have a nice comfortable house with a garden." he snapped, in a deliberate derision of Nita’s cossetted upbringing. "We lived in a tenement, with trash in the streets, surrounded by gangsters, drug addicts and rats. I regularly got beaten up as a child because my family were immigrants. I had to claw my way out of the gutter, or end up in jail, or dead.” He shook his head. “I’ve had to suffer losses, and hardships, and put up with all the bloodsuckers that go with this business, but I never moaned. I just got on with it, and tried to repay people who helped me, along the way.”
“I’m not emotionally strong, but I’ve survived, and I’ve come out of top, and I’m proud of it… And I’ll do anything I have to, to stay there.” He paused, glaring at Nita with a fury in his eyes that she’d never seen before.
“Anything?” she asked.
Alan nodded, breathing heavily in his anger.
“I love my work. It’s my life. I won’t give it up. Not for you, not for anyone. So, if that’s what's in your mind..." Spreading his hands, he lifted his shoulders in a dismissive shrug and shook his head "then there’s no future for us.”
His words hit her like a slap in the face.
How could he speak to her like that, after all he’d said about needing her and not wanting to lose her. She searched his eyes for some sign of remorse or regret, but there was nothing in them but burning anger. He meant every word.
Anger boiled up inside her. He hadn’t cared for her at all. He had seen that she was infatuated with him and, when he was sure she didn’t want anything from him, had charmed her along to get what he wanted. While it suited him, and while she had gone along with it. Now that she’d rebelled, he didn’t want to know.
“Well, that’s fine with me!” she yelled back at him, angry at herself as much as him, for not having seen through him sooner. “I came here because, more fool me, I believed you when you said you needed me. Obviously, that was all a pack of lies. You don’t need anyone. You just strung me along because I was young and gullible. Well not any more. Nobody uses me. Goodbye.”
She turned on her heel and walked out, slamming the door so hard it shook.
Lee looked up as he heard the door slam and saw Nita hurrying away up the corridor.
In the dressing room, Alan clenched his fists. In a rage, he hit out at the nearest thing, the make-up mirror, which shattered and fell off the wall.
A moment later, Lee, who had heard the crash, burst into the room.
"Are you O.K?” he asked. “What have you done to your hand? It’s bleeding.”
Alan glanced down at his hand, which was bleeding profusely. So great was his anger that he hadn’t realised the broken glass had cut him.
“Nothing.” He picked up a towel and dabbed at it.” I’m alright.”
Lee advanced towards him. “You don’t have any glass in it, do you? Let me see.”
“I said I’m alright, dammit! Leave me alone!” yelled Alan.
Lee looked surprised at his outburst, but obediently headed for the door.
He was halfway through it when Alan called his name. Lee put his head back around the door.
Alan took a deep breath. Lee could see the anger in his face.
“I’m sorry.” He made a visible effort to calm down. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I just need to be on my own. O.K?”
Lee nodded, “Sure.” going out and closing the door.
-ooOOoo-
Nita caught a cab back to the hotel and booked herself into another room. She was still too angry to be upset. She couldn’t forget the look in Alan’s eyes as he’d yelled at her.
She moved her things to the new room and then rang the airport and booked herself on a flight back to Los Angeles the next morning, and then onto a connecting flight for England the same evening.
She was up and out before any of Alan’s crew were awake the next morning, arriving back at Alan’s apartment just after lunch.
“Hello, Miss Nita.” Frank greeted her. “I wasn’t expecting you back for a while yet.”
“I have some things to pick up.” Nita told him.
She headed up to Alan’s apartment and packed all her clothes, wondering whether or not to leave him a note but finally deciding against it. She then headed out to draw her money out of the bank. Alan had kept his word and put the air fare home in the bank for her, but she had earned quite a lot of money from her job with the backing band now, so she put the air fare in an envelope along with a piece of paper on which she wrote ‘Thanks for the loan.’
Sealing the envelope, she wrote his name on the front and stood it on the drinks cupboard, took one last look around the apartment, picked up her bags and left, being careful not to be seen by Frank on her way out.
On the flight home, her heart was aching, but if that was how Alan felt, there was no future for their relationship. She had really believed he loved and needed her. Obviously he did not. His work was his love. There was no room in his life for anything else. The break should be clean and final she told herself.
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 9
It was almost lunch time on Saturday when Nita landed in London. After disembarking she called her parents from the terminal building, to tell them she was home.
“Goodness!” her mother sounded surprised. “I’ll get your father to come and pick you up.”
“No, it’s O.K. Mum. I’ll make my own way there.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” said Nita, wanting some time to prepare herself to break the news to them that she and Alan were over. “I’ll see you soon.”
As she got out of the taxi, her parents came out to meet her. Nita’s father worked shifts and was at home today.
“Nita, love.” Her mother hugged her. “It’s lovely to see you, but why didn’t you let us know you were coming?”
“Mum.” Nita returned her hug with tears in her eyes. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“You certainly did that.” smiled her father, picking up her bags. “Come on inside.”
“You’re so brown.” said her mother as Nita took off her coat in the lounge. “Your hair is lighter too.”
“It’s the sun.” said Nita. “It’s true what they say. It’s nearly always sunny there.”
“I’ll make some tea.” her mother volunteered.
“Could I have coffee, Mum? I don’t drink tea much these days.”
“Yes, love.” Her mother left the room and returned a short time later with a tray and some cups.
“Did you really go to all those places you wrote to us about?” she asked.
“Yes, I’ve been everywhere on the tour. All the way to the East coast and back again.”
Nita had temporarily forgotten Alan in the excitement of coming home but mentioning the tour brought back the reason why she was here.
“What’s the matter?” her mother asked on seeing her expression.
Nita sighed. “You may as well know. Alan and I had a big row. That’s why I’m here. It’s over between us.”
Her mother exchanged anxious glances with her father.
“But… you seemed so happy.”
“I thought we were… but…” Nita shrugged. “It’s a long story. I don’t want to go into it just now.”
Her mother sighed. “Alright.”
“I’ve got some photographs in my case.” Nita made an effort to brighten up. “I’ll show you them when I’ve unpacked…. It is alright for me to stay, isn’t it?” she added, realising that she hadn’t given them any warning she was coming
“Don’t be silly. This is your home.” her mother told her. “You’re welcome here any time.”
“Thanks, Mum.”
Nita went to bed after lunch, in an attempt to sleep off the jet lag, but she tossed and turned. She couldn’t help worrying about Alan. What would he do when he realized she’d gone? She tried to convince herself that she didn’t care, and eventually fell asleep.
She slept until early evening before dressing and going downstairs, yawning.
“Feel better?” asked her mother.
Nita nodded.
“Tea will be about an hour. Do you want a snack to hold you over?”
“No. I’ll just have a drink.” Nita plugged in the kettle for some coffee and went to get her photographs to show her parents.
“That’s the Golden Gate.” Nita pointed, “And this was taken in Disneyland… These are the streetcars in San Francisco, oh, and this is Phoenix.” she passed the photographs over to them, pausing as she came across some of Alan’s crew, taken while they were dismantling various pieces of equipment.
“These are some of the road crew.” Nita told them. “That’s Lee, the Road Manager, and this is Brian.” she pointed to each of them. “And this is one Brian took during a show. You can just see me in the top right hand corner with the other backing singers.” She handed over the photograph, trying to ignore Alan sat at his piano in the centre of it. Her parents tactfully didn't mention him either.
“This looks like a big hall.” said her father.
“Arena, Dad.” laughed Nita. “Yes, it was. Everything is so much bigger there.”
After they’d eaten, Nita said she was going out for a walk. “I want to see what’s changed while I’ve been away.” In truth, she just wanted to brood.
She walked around their housing estate and then caught the bus into town.
The shops were all beginning to close for the day, but as Nita wandered around the streets she was surprised to find one or two shops closed down and a few new ones opened in the months since she’d left.
Eventually, she came to the park and sat down to watch the ducks, thinking back to that first Sunday when she and Alan had come here, and wondering what he was doing now.
-ooOOoo-
Alan slept late the next morning and was vaguely surprised when he found himself alone in the bed.
He assumed that Nita had moved into another room, in a mood after their argument the previous night, and that he would see her later.
At breakfast, Lee asked Brian if he knew what had happened the night before.
“What do you mean?” Brian looked puzzled.
“I think they had a fight.” Lee told him. “I saw Nita slam out of Alan’s dressing room. She looked upset. Then I heard this crash. I went to see what had happened, and the mirror was in pieces and Alan’s hand was cut. I asked him what had happened, but he bawled me out. Boy, did he look mad.”
Brian frowned. “I thought it was a little unusual that Nita wasn’t with him when I took him back to the hotel, but he just said she’d gone on ahead… Come to think of it though, he was pretty quiet.”
“I haven’t seen him yet this morning.” said Lee
“Probably having a lie-in.” said Brian.
When he knocked on Alan’s door later, Brian thought he looked slightly disappointed when he saw who it was.
“Hi.” Brian said, cheerily. “How’s things?”
“O.K.” Alan replied, somewhat sullenly. He moved away from the door to allow Brian access.
“Good show last night.” Brian commented.
“It was O.K.”
“Lee said you broke a mirror. You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”
“No.” Alan replied, flatly, despite the large Band-Aid Brian could see covering one side of his right hand.
“Where’s Nita?” Brian asked, looking around.
Alan turned to look at him. “Haven’t you seen her?”
Brian shook his head. “Not since last night.”
Alan picked up the phone. “Can you tell me what room Miss Langley booked into last night?” he asked
“Er… She was in 417 sir, but she checked out this morning, first thing.” the desk clerk told him.
Alan sat down heavily on the bed.
“Is there anything else, sir?”
“No… Just give me an outside line please.”
“Certainly, sir.”
“What’s wrong” asked Brian.
“She’s gone.” said Alan as he dialled his apartment.
“Gone? But why?” asked Brian. “Have you two had a fight?”
Alan nodded, listening to the ringing tone. “I didn’t mean it.” he muttered to himself. “I never thought she’d really leave.”
“What did you fight about?” asked Brian.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” snapped Alan. He slammed the phone down, on getting no reply, and got up to pour himself a drink.
Brian shrugged, and left the room. There was no point in trying to talk to him when he was in this kind of mood.
Alan flopped down on the sofa with his drink, contemplating where she could have gone. If she hadn’t gone back to his apartment, maybe she had checked into another hotel here in Denver.
He asked Brian to ring around and see if he could locate her, but Brian came back later in the day to say he’d had no luck.
“Maybe she used a false name?” said Alan.
“I thought of that.” said Brian. “I gave a general description of her but it didn’t seem to ring any bells with anyone.”
Alan raked a hand irritably through his hair.
“Maye she’ll turn up in time for the show tonight?” Brian volunteered.
Alan sighed. “Yeah, maybe.”
Nita didn’t turn up for the show that evening. Alan was sure now that she had gone back to L.A. but was refusing to answer the phone. He asked Brian to book him on a flight home immediately after that night’s show. He hadn’t realised just how full she had made his life until now. He felt empty without her.
He went through the show that night like an automaton and straight afterwards he caught the flight home.
His heart sank when he arrived home to find the apartment in darkness. He opened the wardrobes. All of her clothes were gone.
As he went back into the living room, he spotted the envelope Nita had left propped up on the drinks cupboard. He tore it open, read the note and then hurled it, and the bundle of cash, across the room.
“Damn.” he muttered. “Damn. Damn.”
Even then, it didn’t occur to him that Nita had gone back to England. He assumed she was hiding out somewhere in L.A, trying to avoid him, and that sooner or later, she would get in touch.
The tour moved on, and, at every concert, he would scour the audience hoping against hope to see her face amongst the crowd.
In front of Brian and the others, he tried to maintain some appearance of normality, making out that he was fine, that he wasn’t upset, that there were plenty more fish in the sea. But, as days turned into weeks, his composure began to crumble, and it became increasingly obvious to everyone that Nita’s departure was tearing him apart.
He got drunk with increasing regularity, and became withdrawn and disinterested in everything, including his work. He had always suffered from stage fright, it was a trait of his desire to do a good job. But now, he didn’t seem to care if he did a good show or not, and it was becoming an increasing problem for them to get him to turn up at all.
Brian tried to talk to him, but Alan kept on denying that there was anything wrong.
“I’m fine.” he insisted, pouring himself yet another scotch.
Brian was worried. Watching Alan was like watching a truck out of control down a steep slope, careering at ever increasing speed towards disaster. He felt he was watching history repeating itself, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
-ooOOoo-
For the first few days following her return to England Nita went around in a daze, still not able to take in what had happened.
She felt lost without Alan, like a piece of her had died when she’d walked out of that room.
Alone in bed at night, she would cry herself to sleep at the injustice of it all.
Her mother eyed her pale face worriedly, trying to tempt her non-existent appetite with all her favourite dishes, but Nita only picked at them. Her stomach was so churned up she couldn’t face anything.
After a week, she decided she had to try and pull herself together or she would be ill. She would have to find a job too. She couldn’t expect her parents to keep her.
She thought about trying to get her old job back at the theatre, but the idea seemed very dull after what she’d been doing in America.
Then she had an idea. She’d worked in Alan’s backing group. Why shouldn’t she do something similar here? When people knew who she’d been working for she felt sure she would have no trouble finding a job, even with her limited ability.
She scoured the music papers and went for several auditions.
She finally chose, and was accepted by, an established local group comprising two girls and two men. One of the girls was leaving to have a baby, and they seemed keen to take Nita on as her replacement while she was away on maternity leave.
The band were into complex harmonies and Nita enjoyed working with them immensely.
After three weeks she had become firm friends with them. Karen, who at twenty-six was a year older than Nita, and Mike and Tim who were both twenty-eight.
Nita half expected to receive a phone call from Alan, but as the weeks passed she concluded that he must have meant what he’d said. She decided it was time to stop moping over him and begin to put her life back together.
Karen, Mike and Tim had questioned her about boyfriends, to which Nita had replied that she wasn’t seeing anyone at present. If they suspected there was any more to it they didn’t press her for details, but they used every possible opportunity to try and matchmake for her, fixing up dates for her with friends and unmarried relatives; Tim’s cousin, Phil, Mike’s friend, John and one of Karen's friends, Tony.
Nita agreed to the dates rather than risk offending any of them, and also because she thought it would do her good to go out with other men again, to try and erase the memory of Alan, but she never went out with any of them twice. They were all nice enough people. Tony, in particular, she could probably have liked a lot under different circumstances but, as it was, none of them compared to Alan.
-ooOOoo-
“Well, hello stranger.” Nita turned her attention from the shop window she was looking in, to the owner of the voice.
“Bob! Hello.” Nita smiled warmly at her former colleague from the theatre.
“How long have you been back?” he asked.
“A couple of months.” said Nita. “Didn’t Julie tell you? I rang her on Friday.”
Bob shook his head. “I’ve been on holiday this week. I haven’t seen her. Just look at your tan!” he added enviously.
Nita glanced down at her hands. “Oh, it’s fading now. I was much browner when I got home.”
“How was America?” Bob asked.
“O.K.” Nita replied, rather more sharply than she intended.
Bob raised an eyebrow. “Only O.K?” he grinned.
Nita forced herself to be cheery, fighting back the wave of nausea that washed over her every time she allowed herself to think about her time in America, and of Alan.
“It was great. I had a wonderful time.” she said, with more enthusiasm than she felt, even though, on the whole, it was true. She had indeed had a wonderful time, until that night…. A shudder ran through her at the memory.
“Something wrong?” asked Bob, noticing her shiver.
“Just cold.” said Nita. “It was pretty hot over there. I haven’t re-acclimatized yet.”
“You must tell me all about it. How about a meal tonight?”
“I’m working tonight. I’m sorry.”
“Tomorrow then?”
“Well…” Nita didn’t really want to go, but she had known Bob a long time and it would be rude of her to refuse.
“…thank you. I’d like that.” she smiled.
“I’ll pick you up.” grinned Bob. “Eight alright?”
“Fine.”
“Until tomorrow then.” Bob smiled and walked away, unaware of Nita’s agonised expression. ‘Until tomorrow then’, the words echoed in her brain. Alan had said the very same words to her on that first night, when he’d asked her to lunch. The vision of Alan smiling at her from the stage door filled her mind, so real she could almost feel his presence. She closed her eyes, trying to blot it out.
“Are you alright, dear?”
Nita opened her eyes to see an elderly woman with a walking stick looking anxiously at her.
“What?”
“Are you ill?” the woman asked.
Nita shook her head. “No, no. I’m alright.” she mumbled, hurrying away.
She went to a nearby cafe and ordered a cup of coffee. She sat for half an hour trying to get her emotions under control. It was over. Alan had made that plain enough. She needed to stop going to pieces every time someone mentioned him, or her time in America.
‘I hate you, Alan Moreno’ she told herself, even though, deep down, she knew it was a lie.
CHAPTER 10
The next evening, Bob picked her up and drove them out to a quiet restaurant in the suburbs.
“This is a lovely place.” Nita looked around her in surprise, at the Tudor style surroundings. “How long have you known about it?”
“Not long. A friend recommended it.”
They sat down and a waiter instantly appeared, bearing two menus.
“Red or white wine?” Bob enquired, after they’d chosen their dishes.
“White for me.” said Nita.
“Me too.” said Bob. He ordered a bottle and the waiter departed.
“So,” Bob turned his attention to Nita, “tell me all about America. How was it?”
“Marvellous.” Nita tried to sound enthusiastic.
“Is it very different to England?”
“Totally.”
The waiter reappeared with the wine. Bob tasted it and nodded to the waiter to pour.
Nita studied him. He had changed since she’d been away. He was dressed more smartly than she remembered. His customary jeans and sneakers had been replaced by a smart suit, and his formerly unruly sandy hair was neatly cut in the latest fashion. He seemed more sure of himself, and even looked bigger than she remembered. Then she realised why.
“Have you been doing some weight training?” she asked.
Bob grinned. “I thought you wouldn’t notice.”
“You look very well on it.” she told him.
“I feel great.” he replied. “I’ve taken up kick boxing too.”
Nita’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really? I never saw you as the sporty type.”
Bob took a sip of his wine. “Neither did I, until I was mugged.”
“Mugged?” Nita’s stomach jumped into her throat. “When?”
“Five months ago. I was going home from work one night when these three guys just jumped out at me.”
“Oh, my God.” gasped Nita.
“I felt so helpless.” said Bob. “There was nothing I could do. So, I decided to get fit and learn some self-defence skills so that if it ever happens again, I’ll be prepared.”
Nita shook her head in disgust. “You don’t expect things like that to happen on your doorstep, do you?”
“No.” agreed Bob. “Is it like that in America?”
Nita shrugged. “I suppose so, but I never saw it during my time there.”
“You sang in Alan Morenos backing group, didn’t you?”
Nita nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“How did you wangle that?” grinned Bob.
Nita picked up her glass and sipped the wine while she tried to formulate a story in her mind.
“I was offered a job.” she said, putting down the glass.
“But, how did you get to meet him?”
“I met his bodyguard, you know, at the show Alan did at the theatre? He introduced me to Alan. We got talking and one thing let to another…” she trailed off, hating herself for lying but she couldn’t tell him the truth.
“What’s he like?” asked Bob.
The question was innocent enough, but took Nita by surprise so that she nearly choked on her wine.
Handsome, sexy, loving, passionate? Yes, he was all of those things, and many more too, but she couldn’t very well say that without sounding like some lovesick teenager.
“Very nice.” she managed eventually, staring intently into her glass. “A bit temperamental sometimes… but very nice. They all were.” she added, so as not to make it look as if she were favouring him.
She was saved further embarrassment by the arrival of their food.
“So, what did you get up to over there?” Bob revived the topic as they sipped coffee after the meal.
“We went on tour.” Nita replied, her mind full of memories.
“Wow.” Bob sounded impressed. “Did you go to New York? I’ve always wanted to go there.”
“Yes, we did.” Nita nodded.
“California?”
“Yes. I was living in L.A.”
“I’d love to go to the West Coast.” Bob told her. “L.A, San Francisco, Disneyland…”
“I went to all of those.” said Nita, a faraway look in her eyes. “We went pretty well everywhere.”
“So, why did you come back?”
The inevitable question. She knew it would be asked, but she hadn’t prepared an answer. What could she say? She couldn’t tell him the truth. She didn’t want anyone to know the truth of it.
“Things didn’t work out.” she managed to reply.
“Did you get fired?”
Nita shook her head. “No. I chose to leave.” That at least was true.
“You must be mad. Fancy throwing all that up to come back to this dump.” said Bob.
Nita shrugged. “C’est la vie.”
“What are you doing now?”
“I’m singing in a group.”
“Really? I must come and see you sometime.”
Nita smiled, non-commitally.
“Well,” Bob looked at his watch. “I guess we’d better make tracks.”
He paid the bill and they went out to his car. He put a tape in the cassette player as he pulled off the car park. Nita was thankful to hear it was disco music. She couldn’t face anything sad or romantic.
“Did you… meet anyone over there?” Bob asked after a time.
Nita closed her eyes, turning her head towards the side window so that Bob couldn’t see her expression.
“No.” she whispered.
“Oh.”
They drove on for some distance in silence.
“I thought that might have been why you came back.” Bob said at length.
Nita didn’t reply. Her throat was so tight she could barely speak. If only Bob knew how close he was to the truth.
“Nita?”
“No. No-one special.” she whispered.
Eventually, they pulled up outside Nita’s house.
“Thank you for the meal, Bob. It’s been a lovely evening.”
Bob leaned over, put his arms around her and kissed her. Nita forced herself to respond even though her instinct was to pull away.
The kiss was pleasant enough, but there was none of the passion that Alan’s kiss aroused in her.
Stop it, she told herself. You mustn’t keep comparing everyone to Alan. That part of your life is finished. You need to put it away and start again.
“There’s a good film on at the ODEON.” Bob’s voice drew her back from her thoughts. “Would you like to come, Friday? We could go for a pizza or something afterwards?”
“Fine.” Nita put on her brightest smile.
“See you Friday then. Seven o’clock, O.K?”
“Right.” Nita got out of the car. “Goodnight, Bob.”
“’night. “Bob smiled and drove away.
Nita walked up the path, resolving not to compare every man she met with Alan.
The next day, Nita caught the bus into town, where she had arranged to meet up with Julie for lunch.
She peered in through the restaurant window and saw Julie waving frantically at her.
She smiled and waved back and then went inside.
“Long time, no see.” Julie grinned widely as Nita sat down at the table. “I wish I could get a tan like that.” she added, as Nita took off her jacket.
“Oh, it’s fading now.”
“How long has it been?” Julie asked after the waiter had taken their order.
Eight months, one week and two days, Nita found herself thinking. That was how long it had been since she’d gone to Leeds that first Sunday, at Alan’s invitation, to see him in concert. She wasn’t aware, until that moment, that she’d been counting.
“About eight months.” she replied casually.
“Doesn’t time fly?” said Julie.
Nita nodded. “Yes. How are you?”
“Fine. You look well.”
Thank God for the tan, Nita thought to herself.
“I am.” she lied. “How’s things at the theatre?”
“Oh, the same as always.”
“I saw Bob yesterday. He took me out for a meal.”
Julie raised an eyebrow. “He’s a fast worker. I didn’t know he knew you were back.”
“I ran into him in town the other day.” Nita explained. “Wasn’t it awful about him getting mugged?”
“Yes.” Julie frowned, fiddling with the ends of her long blonde hair. “They certainly knocked him about. He was off work for a week or so.”
“Are you still seeing Peter?” Nita enquired about the boyfriend Julie had been dating when she'd left.
Julie shook her head. “No. I’m going out with this fellow named Carl. He works at the pizza parlour near the theatre.”
“I can’t keep track of you and your boyfriends.” laughed Nita.
The waiter brought their lunches and departed.
“So, how was America?” asked Julie.
Here we go again, thought Nita.
“Fine.” she replied, with her mouth full.
“Did you really sing in Alan Moreno’s backing group?” Julie asked incredulously.
Nita nodded.
“What’s he like?”
“Very nice. “Nita tried to keep a smile on her face, all the time wishing people would stop asking her questions about her trip.
“I know that.” said Julie. “I mean, what’s he really like?” she winked.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Nita evaded the question.
“Well, I know he’s a dish, but these people are never like how they appear on stage are they?
Nita shrugged. “He is different to how he appears on stage… quite shy really.” she smiled to herself. Then, realising Julie was studying her intently, she forced herself to be casual. “He’s a bit over-sensitive, moody at times, and he’s very single minded about his work.” she finished, her mind going back to the words he’d uttered during their argument. ‘I won’t give it up. Not for you, not for anyone.’
“I still can’t believe it.” Julie’s voice brought her back from her reverie. “Our Nita singing with Alan Moreno.”
“It does seem a bit unbelievable.” admitted Nita. “Sometimes I can’t believe it myself.” she gazed wistfully at her plate.
“So, why did you come back?” asked Julie.
Nita shrugged. “Things just didn’t work out.”
“Why? What happened?”
The familiar ache started up in the pit of Nita’s stomach. She couldn’t cope with all this probing. She was trying very hard to put Alan out of her mind and she didn’t need all these reminders of him.
“Look, I just want to forget about it.” she said, her tone sharper than she intended.
“But why?” Julie’s brown eyes widened in amazement, reminding Nita of Alan when he did the same. “Most people would give their right arm to do what you’ve just done.”
Nita lowered her eyes. “I know.” She sighed. “I had a wonderful time, but, things didn’t work out and now I just want to put it behind me and move on, so let’s drop it. O.K?”
Julie sighed. “O.K.” She studied Nita’s face. Nita had written to tell her she’d been invited to go to America and that she’d sung in Alan Moreno’s backing band, but she had never written anymore about her relationship with Alan, or any of his people, although Julie knew there had to be more to it for her to just pack up and leave the way she had. She was too down to earth to do something like that. She suspected there had been some kind of falling out, but it was obvious that Nita wasn’t going to discuss it.
Nita directed her attention to her dinner plate. She could feel her friend’s eyes on her and she knew, if she looked up now, Julie would read the torment in her face.
Julie picked up her wine glass and took a sip. “So, how do you like working in this new band?” She changed the subject.
“Fine. I like it, and it pays well.” said Nita. “Much better than the theatre. You should try it sometime.”
“I don’t sing that well.” laughed Julie.
“Neither do I.” smiled Nita.
-ooOOoo-
Bob arrived on time the following evening and they drove into town to the cinema. The film was good, and Nita was thankful that it at least limited their conversation.
Afterwards, they went to a pizza parlour for some food.
“That’s Julie’s new boyfriend.” Bob indicated a young man behind the counter.
Nita glanced across at a tall, blonde haired man serving a group of teenagers. He had deep blue eyes and a pleasant smile.
“Just Julie’s type.” Nita remarked.
“It won’t last long.” said Bob. “He works odd hours. Julie will soon get fed up of that”
Nita giggled. “She is a bit fickle.”
“It’s nice to see you back.” Bob told her later, as he drove her home.
“Thank you.”
“We all wondered what had happened, the way you just disappeared like that.”
“Well, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that, could I?” she joked.
“I suppose not.” agreed Bob. “I missed you.” he added.
“I missed all of you too.” Nita said, lightly.
“Didn’t you want to come back to work at the theatre?”
“Part of me did.” Nita replied. “But, after all that…” she trailed off, her mind wandering back to her time in America. She shrugged. “…the idea seemed a bit dull.”
Bob nodded. “I suppose it would.” He thought for a moment. “Will you be going back over there do you think?”
Nita pondered the question. If only Alan would contact her, then maybe… but no, he wouldn’t. Not now.
“I don’t think so.” she replied finally.
Bob’s face brightened. “Perhaps we could… see each other?” he suggested, hopefully.
Nita knew what he was suggesting, but played it down.
“I’d like to keep in touch.” she smiled. “We must meet up sometime, when I’m not working.”
Bob nodded, obviously understanding her meaning. “I’d like that.” he replied.
This time, he didn’t offer to kiss her on the lips, but opted for a friendly peck on the cheek.
“Thanks for taking me out tonight, Bob. I’ll see you soon.”
“Sure.” Bob smiled a little sadly.
“I’ll ring you when I’ve got a free night.” Nita suggested. “We could go out somewhere. My treat.” she told him.
“Great.” said Bob. “Take care, Nita. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
She watched him drive away, hating herself. She shouldn’t have met him tonight just to ease her own suffering. She knew Bob was fond of her. She shouldn’t have raised his hopes of a relationship with her by going out with him when she knew she had no intention of getting involved with him.
She went up to bed feeling sad. She had known Bob since their Art School days. They’d always been good friends. Until tonight. Tonight was different. Although she’d always felt Bob’s attraction to her, until tonight he had never suggested perhaps being a couple. Now that he had brought it out into the open it had taken their relationship onto a different level, one that Nita couldn’t cope with at present.
Could she ever have, she wondered? She had never felt about Bob the way she did about Alan. But could she have if she had never met Alan? She would never know.
She wouldn’t ring Bob. They both knew it. Her time in America had changed her. She wasn’t the same girl that had left London eight months ago. She was more confident, more ambitious. She wasn’t prepared to settle for the mundane existence she had taken for granted before she left. Bob had sensed it. They had grown too far apart.
She climbed into bed, sighing. She would miss Bob. He’d been a good friend.
She stared at the ceiling, contemplating how, even thousands of miles away in America, Alan was still managing to ruin her life. Because of him she had lied to her friends. Because of him she had become irritable and neurotic. Because of him she couldn’t raise any interest in other boyfriends. She sighed. Would she ever be free of his ghost?
“I hate you, Alan Moreno.” she said out loud. “I wish I’d never met you, and I won’t let you ruin my life any more.” she vowed. But, as she drifted into sleep, her dreams were of him.
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 11
Things went on uneventfully for some time. Nita still missed Alan. It was always there, a dull ache inside her, but she found she was beginning to enjoy life again until one night, when she came in late, after a show, to find her mother waiting for her.
“You needn’t have waited up.” Nita told her.
“There was a phone call for you.”
“Oh? Who?”
“That fellow Brian, all the way from America.”
Nita’s heart skipped a beat. “What did he want?”
“He wanted to know if you were here. Didn’t you tell them?” her mother asked.
“No.” Nita looked uncomfortable. “I left in a bit of a hurry. What else did he say?”
“I told him you were out for the evening and he said he’d call again.”
“Oh. Well, thanks, Mum. Goodnight.” Nita went upstairs, her mother looking after her with a bewildered expression on her face.
She was woken the next morning by her mother calling her to the phone.
She struggled out of bed and downstairs, taking the phone from her mother’s hand.
“Hello.” she said sleepily, glancing at the clock on the wall. It said nine a.m.
“Nita? It’s Brian.”
“Brian?” Nita was suddenly wide awake. She looked again at the clock. If it was nine a.m. here it must be well after midnight where he was.
“I’m sorry if I got you up, but I had to talk to you.”
Nita waved her mother out of the room.
“Oh?”
“What happened between you and Alan, Nita?”
“Didn’t he tell you?” Nita’s heart started to beat wildly in her chest at the mere mention of his name.
“No. But whatever happened, it’s tearing him apart.”
“You do surprise me.” Nita said sarcastically.
“Why? You can tell me. I’m your friend as well as his.”
Nita was touched to hear him say that after his initial concerns about her intentions towards Alan.
She sighed. “I suppose it was a stupid fight really. I wanted him to give more of himself, emotionally, to me. I liked the life, but I got to feeling like part of the furniture. He can be so self-absorbed sometimes. All he thinks about is his next show, or his next record. There’s no room for anything else. I got sick of being at least second best.” She paused, remembering.
“Anyhow, to cut a long story short, it developed into a blazing row and he pretty much told me where to go. I didn’t need telling twice.”
“Whatever he said, I’m sure he didn’t really mean it.” said Brian.
“He sounded pretty convincing to me.” replied Nita. “If he didn’t mean it, why are you talking to me now instead of him?”
“I don’t know.” admitted Brian.
“I might be gullible, but I’m not stupid.” said Nita. “He could have phoned me just as easily as you have. The fact that he hasn’t pretty much tells me that he meant what he said.”
“You know how proud and stubborn he is.” said Brian.
“So am I.” replied Nita.
“Yeah. I know.” sighed Brian. “But I’m worried what it’s doing to him. You’re proud, but you’re strong too, that’s obvious to anyone. Alan isn’t. Emotionally, he’s unstable, and vulnerable. He just acts tough.”
“So?”
“So he’s cracking up, Nita. The tour was due to finish this week, but he’s set up more dates. The guys are real mad. They really need a break. I think he’s done it just to keep himself occupied, keep his mind off things. His pride won’t let him admit to anyone how hurt he is, but he’s drinking heavily and it’s starting to affect his performances.”
“Heaven forbid his work should suffer.” Nita mocked.
“I’m serious, Nita.” Brian sounded weary. “When he is sober, he’s depressed all the time. He goes around like a zombie, hardly eating, staying up half the night brooding or boozing.”
Nita’s stomach lurched at the thought of Alan being so unhappy, but all she said was “He’ll get over it, in time. I’ve had to.”
“I don’t know.” Brian sounded doubtful. “He was broken up over Corinne. He never trusted anyone afterwards, until he met you…” he trailed off.
“She was his first love,” said Nita, “and losing your first love is always traumatic. But that was ten years ago. He wasn’t much more than a child. But he’s a grown man now, with enough experience of life to know that these things happen sometimes, however much we might not want them to. It hurts, but life goes on.”
“You don’t know how vulnerable he is.” Brian cut in. “He’s trying to drown his sorrows, but I think they’re drowning him.”
Nita blinked back tears. “I‘m sorry Brian, I don’t know what you expect me to do about it. After what he said to me, I’m not about to make the first move to contact him, and I wouldn’t consider coming back unless Alan tells me himself that he wants me there, and I don’t think that’s likely. You said yourself, his pride won’t let him.” She sighed. “I know I sound hard, but I put up with a lot off Alan. He walked all over me. He always managed to twist me round his little finger, and if he’d done something wrong, he always managed to smooth talk me so that he almost had me thinking it was me who was wrong.” She shook her head in self-disgust, that she could have been so gullible.
“I didn’t mind too much when I thought he needed me.” she went on. “But, after the way he spoke to me…” the image of Alan’s face glaring at her with that burning anger in his eyes flashed into her mind. “… I have my doubts.
“He wants you back Nita.” said Brian. “Even if he doesn’t know it himself.”
“Well, we can’t always have everything we want in life. I won’t be used Brian. Alan always got his own way, but not this time. I won’t be a doormat for anyone.”
“You’ve got guts, Nita, I’ll give you that.” sighed Brian. “I’m sorry things have turned out like this. I really thought you could stick it out.”
“I could have, if I’d really believed he cared.” said Nita.
“Listen, I daren’t tell him I’ve called you. He’d go bananas. But I’ll try and talk him into contacting you. After that it’s up to him.”
“Alright.” said Nita. “I’m sorry things have turned out like this. I didn’t mean for them to. Honestly.”
“Me neither.” replied Brian.
“Take care.” said Nita.
“You too, Nita. Bye.”
Nita put down the phone blinking back tears. She had noticed that Alan had a tendency to hit the bottle if he was angry or upset. If he was drinking as heavily as Brian had said, he must be very upset about something. But surely, if he cared for her as much as Brian had said, he would have contacted her? But, then again, no. It was typical of him, she thought to herself. Waiting for her to make the first move because he was too proud and arrogant to come down off his pedestal and apologise to her. She drew herself up with new resolution. Well, to hell with him. He’d got over it once before, he could do so again.
She waited for a call from Alan with mixed emotions, but by the end of the week, when she had heard nothing from him, she decided he wasn’t going to get in touch. She resigned herself to the inevitable and carried on trying to put her life back together.
The following week, there was an hour long special, on T.V, of one of Alan’s concerts, filmed the previous week in Florida. Alan's British P.R. man had managed to get it screened to keep his British fans happy.
Nita had a show that night and had not intended to watch it, but she arrived home earlier than expected and, as she entered the house, she could hear Alan’s voice wafting through the lounge door.
It was the first time Nita had heard his voice since the night she’d left. She had deliberately put away all her records and photographs of him so they wouldn’t remind her.
She stood with her foot on the first stair, rooted to the spot. She wanted to go on upstairs to her room, but she was drawn back into the lounge.
Her parents were watching in the dark, drinking their late night cocoa.
Nita stood behind the sofa, reluctantly watching. When the camera zoomed in for a close up, she drew in a sharp breath. This wasn’t the man she’d left behind in America. He was thinner than Nita remembered, and there were dark shadows under his eyes that even stage make-up failed to conceal.
His performance showed none of his usual sparkle. He played like an automaton, barely aware of the audience’s applause.
Brian had cause to be worried, Nita thought to herself. She fought the urge to pick up the phone there and then. After all, Alan was as much in the wrong as she was. It was he who had pretty much told her to go. She still loved him, she knew that now as she watched him, but she was coping, and coping quite well she thought.
“He doesn’t look well, dear.” her mother’s voice broke into her thoughts.
“He’s probably been working too hard again.” Nita tried to sound casual. She managed to drag her eyes away from the screen. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”
She left the room and climbed the stairs, her heart aching.
-ooOOoo-
Back in America, Brian had suggested that Alan try calling Nita in England.
Alan shook his head. “She chose to leave. Why should I call her?”
“Because it’s the only way you’ll get her back you fool.” snapped Brian, “And don’t tell me that’s not what you want.” he added, as Alan opened his mouth to protest.
“Are you sure she chose to leave, or did you force her into it? Brian asked now, knowing that Nita wouldn’t have left unless he’d given her reason to believe she wasn’t wanted.
Alan didn’t reply.
Brian sighed. “You’ve met your match with Nita. She’s not someone who’s willing to put up with being messed around.”
Alan shrugged, nonchalantly.
“You’re so goddam stubborn!” Brian stood up, clenching his fists as he resisted the urge to shake some sense into him. “Well, carry on. Drink yourself to death, and all for the sake of pride.” He turned on his heel and slammed out of the room. Alan stared at the door, an agonised expression on his face.
He had set up another twelve shows, spread over four weeks, just to put off going home. He couldn’t face going back to the apartment to have Nita’s presence all around him.
The atmosphere had become very strained. The road crew and musicians were all tired and had been looking forward to seeing their families and having a well earned rest. They were angry at being asked to work an extra four weeks, and although none of them would have considered refusing, they made their resentment plain.
Already irritable and depressed, Brian’s constant nagging about his drinking and the men’s surly attitude towards him did nothing to improve Alan’s mood. There were frequent rows. Although a fairly placid person by nature, he had a fiery Latin temper when roused, and nearly all of the men got a taste of it by being deliberately offhand with him.
Brian was worried about Alan’s drinking. He was terrified he would do or say something really stupid on stage and end up wrecking his career. He had to watch him constantly, to make sure he turned up for his shows in a fit state to perform. He was also tired of acting as peacemaker in the frequent rows between Alan and the crew. They would all end up shouting and screaming at each other over some relatively trivial thing, and Alan would invariably storm off in a rage, threatening never to hire any of them again, leaving Brian to try and smooth things over. He began to despair of any of them ever being friends again, and he couldn’t wait for the four weeks to end.
One night, Brian went to Alan’s dressing room after a show, to check on him, to find him already downing a glass of scotch before he’d even got changed.
“For God’s sake, Alan. Can’t you give it a rest?” Brian said, sharply.
Alan didn’t reply.
“Can’t you see what you’re doing?” asked Brian.
“I’m having a drink.” said Alan. “There’s no law against it, is there?”
“If you keep this up, Alan, you’re gonna blow everything.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Alan’s tone was casual.
“No. You’re too drunk to see anything.” snapped Brian. “Your performances aren’t up to scratch, Alan. Don’t you care?”
Alan turned away, taking another swig of his drink.
“You’ve been lucky so far.” Brian told him. “But it’s only a matter of time. You can’t go on like this. You’re making yourself ill. And if you persist with your present attitude, you’ll have no band to perform with, or a road crew.”
“They’re being deliberately obstructive.” said Alan. “I pay them good wages. I won’t stand for it.”
“Strictly speaking, their contract was up a month ago.” Brian reminded him. “They’re here because you asked them to stay, but it doesn’t mean they have to be happy about it. You should just be glad they are here, and stop giving them a hard time.”
Alan pouted, knowing Brian was right but not liking to be told so.
“Instead of criticising them, you should take a look at yourself.” Brian continued. “You’re a mess, Alan."
Involuntarily, Alan’s eyes went to the mirror.
“You’re letting yourself go. You’re too thin. You look like death. Your performances are only fifty percent of what they should be.” Brian sighed. “Do you really want to throw away ten years of hard work over some girl? Because that’s what you’re doing.”
“Don’t say that.” said Alan.
“Why not? It’s true.”
“She’s not just ‘some girl’.”
“Oh, shut up, Alan.” Brian snapped, angry now. “You’re pathetic. You’re acting like a child. If you want Nita back, then swallow your goddam pride and get in touch with her. Otherwise, put her out of your mind and pull yourself together. But, for God’s sake, do something!”
“Hey, who do you think you’re talking to?” Alan rounded on him angrily.
“I wish I knew.” sneered Brian.
“How dare you speak to me like that.”
“Someone has to.”
“Not you.” yelled Alan, prodding Brian in the shoulder with his finger. Brian’s words had wounded him and he wanted to hurt him back. “You’re nobody.” he sneered. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d probably still be coaching a bunch of dead end kids in some back street gym.”
“And what were you?” hissed Brian, angry that Alan could so easily forget his own humble childhood. “You were a dead end kid too once.” he reminded him. “And the way you’re headed you will be again.”
“Why you…” Alan’s fist came up to hit Brian, but Brian caught his arm.
They glared at each other, their arms locked in mid air.
Brian shook his head slowly. “Don’t even think about it.” he said through clenched teeth, gripping Alan’s arm so tightly, his nails cut into his flesh.
Alan wrenched his arm free and turned away from Brian, pressing his hands to his temples.
“Get out.” he all but screamed at him.
Brian stared at him, not sure whether or not to go. As angry as he was with him he could see that this wasn’t just a temper tantrum on Alan’s part, he was teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown.
Born to immigrant parents in a slum area of New York Alan had grown up enduring insults and beatings from all the other ethnic groups in the area, as each struggled for superiority over the others. Then, at the tender age of nine, his father, Alfredo, who Alan had idolised, was suddenly taken from him by a heart attack, a blow from which he had never fully recovered psychologically.
His childhood experiences had left him with a deep seated need to be loved, a need which had been satisfied in his early years by Alfredo, who had adored his bambino.
After Alfredo's untimely death, even though his mother doted on him, Alan had become something of a wayward teenager as he struggled to come to terms with the loss of his father, often skipping school to hang around with local deadbeats, drinking and frequently getting into fights. Then he had met Corinne, his first love. It had completely overwhelmed him, unlocking hitherto unknown emotions within him. He had always dabbled with music, but his love for Corinne was like a key to a door. His music suddenly had purpose, direction, passion, and in a few short years he had climbed the ladder to stardom.
He began to take Corinne’s love for granted, assuming that what he loved she would too, and when she left him, when she could no longer cope with his newfound fame and everything it entailed, he had lost all confidence in himself and his ability. From that day on, he had become paranoid about rejection. He couldn’t stand the thought of people disliking him or his music, or being out to use him. He went to great lengths to surround himself with ‘trustworthy’ people, and built a wall around his emotions, to protect himself against anyone or anything that might hurt him that way again. A wall which, until he’d met Nita, had remained pretty much in tact.
Brian guessed that to Alan, it must seem as if everyone was against him. Nita had left him, his musical inspiration had deserted him, the men were being hostile towards him, and now, even Brian himself, his most trusted friend, had viciously attacked him. The wall he’d built to protect himself was in danger of being breached and he was struggling to deal with the reality of the situation he found himself in.
Too proud to admit he needed help, Alan was reacting as a drowning man might, lashing out at the people who were trying to rescue him. He was crying out for help, but Brian didn’t know how to reach him.
Alan picked up his half empty glass of scotch.
“I said, get out!” he yelled, hurling the glass at Brian. It whizzed past his shoulder and smashed into the wall.
Brian’s jaw fell open. In all their years together, Brian had seen every side of Alan’s personality. Or so he thought. They’d had their disagreements, but he’d never turned on him like this.
Turning on his heel, he left the room, slamming the door. He stalked up the corridor and out onto the stage where the others were packing up.
“Lee, take Alan back to the hotel.” He tossed at Lee as he walked past him.
“Huh?” Lee looked up as Brian walked down the steps at the side of the stage, and strode briskly up the aisle towards the exit.
Exchanging puzzled glances with Nick, Lee Jumped down off a speaker cabinet and ran after him, catching his sleeve to bring him to a halt.
“Hey, man. What’s up?”
Brian shook his head. “You take Alan back to the hotel. If I see him again tonight, I’ll break his stupid neck.”
“What’s happened?” Lee looked worried. Brian rarely got this angry.
“Just do it.” Brian told him, banging open the exit door and walking away, leaving Lee standing in the doorway looking bewildered.
Turning, he walked back down to the stage.
“What’s happened?” asked Nick.
Lee shrugged. “God knows. He wouldn’t say. I guess Alan bawled him out for something.” He sighed. “Well, I’d better go do as he says.“
“Good luck.” said Nick.
“Thanks.” Lee made his way to Alan’s room, knocking before he entered.
Alan was slouching in a chair gazing vacantly at the wall.
“Ready to go, Alan?”
Alan turned sharply at the sound of Lee’s voice.
“Where’s Brian?”
“Er… he left…” Lee said quietly.
“Oh.” said Alan, nodding to himself. He got up and picked up his jacket. “Let’s go.”
Brian could have kicked himself for getting so mad with Alan. He didn’t know how to reach him but he knew that wasn’t the way. It would just make him more insecure than he was already. He sighed, going up to his hotel room. Well, he couldn’t undo it now. But what effect would it have on him?
Alan didn’t get up until lunch time the next day.
He went down to the restaurant for something to eat. One or two of the road crew were there, but there was no sign of Brian.
Alan felt bad about their argument the previous night. Deep down, he knew Brian’s words were true and that he shouldn’t have lashed out at him like he had.
He went back up to his hotel room and turned on the T.V, but as he gazed at the pictures, his mind was elsewhere.
At seven-thirty, he went back down to see if Brian had returned. Sure enough, he was seated at a table with Lee, Nick and a couple of the others, tucking into a large steak.
Alan stood in the doorway staring at him. As if sensing his gaze, Brian looked up.
Alan swallowed hard, and walked towards the table. Brian stood up as he approached, eyeing him suspiciously. The other men looked worriedly on, wondering if there was going to be another argument.
Alan stopped in front of Brian, looking at him with solemn eyes.
“I’m sorry.” he said simply.
Brian studied his face for a moment, and then nodded slowly. Suddenly, they embraced each other. The men gave a sigh of relief.
Brian’s words to Alan appeared to have some effect on him. For the remaining tour dates he made an effort to be civil to everyone, and tried to stay sober enough to carry out his shows, although his performances remained far inferior to normal.
Everyone was relieved when the shows were finished, and they were able to go home for a much earned rest. Everyone except Alan. If he could have, he would have toured indefinitely. Anything to put off going home. But he knew he couldn’t expect the others to do any more. They worked hard. They needed their rest. They had homes, and families they longed to see. A stab of pain went through him at the thought. Brian had Kim. Lee had a wife and two children. They all had someone. But who did he have? No-one, except possibly his mother.
He contemplated going to visit her in New York, but decided against it. His mother was a shrewd woman. She could read him like a book. She would know there was something wrong the minute she laid eyes on him, and he couldn’t face having to answer all the questions she would ask, or having her fussing around him like a mother hen.
They flew back to L.A. and Brian drove Alan home from the airport.
“Well, here we are.” announced Brian as he pulled the car up outside Alan’s apartment block. He twisted round in his seat to look at him. “I’ll get your bags.” he told him.
Alan was gazing pensively up at the apartment block, a sense of panic sweeping over him. He couldn’t go in.
“Alan?” Brian’s voice broke his thoughts. He dragged his eyes away to look at him.
“Something wrong?”
Alan glanced back at the building, a shiver of apprehension coursing through him. It suddenly seemed like a prison rather than a home. He had the urge to run away. To be anywhere but here.
A thought occurred to him. Maybe Brian would put him up for a while?
“Brian…” He turned to look at him, gripping his forearm which was resting on the back of the driving seat.
“Yeah?”
Alan stared at him. No, he couldn’t ask. What reason would he give? That he was scared of a ghost? No, he’d think he was crazy.
He shook his head. “Nothing.” He let go of Brian’s arm and abruptly got out of the car, thrusting his hands deep into the pockets of his overcoat.
Brian retrieved his bags and joined Alan, who was standing on the pavement staring up at the windows of his apartment, his expression unreadable.
They went inside, where Frank greeted them.
“Have a good trip?” Frank enquired.
“Fine, thanks.” Brian answered for Alan, who didn’t appear to be listening.
They headed across to the lift and up to Alan’s apartment. Alan unlocked the door, ushering Brian in first before following hesitantly.
“I’ll put your bags in the bedroom.” said Brian, disappearing through the door. When he returned, Alan was standing in the middle of the room, staring vacantly out of the window.
“Anything else you need before I go?” asked Brian, but Alan didn’t hear him.
“Alan?” Brian touched his arm. “Are you O.K?”
Alan jumped at his touch. “Yes.” he mumbled, but as Brian looked into his eyes a feeling of unease washed over him. He’d seen that look before.
“Are you sure?”
Alan nodded, going over to the drinks cupboard and pouring a glass of scotch.
“Well… I gotta run…” Brian said uncertainly. He didn’t want to leave Alan alone in this mood, but he’d arranged to meet Kim and he was already late.
“I’ll see you later, O.K?”
“Sure.” said Alan, not looking at him.
Brian stared after him for a moment, before closing the door.
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 12
Brian woke with a start. He glanced at the clock. Its luminous fingers read one a.m.
Uneasy about Alan’s mood when he’d dropped him off at his apartment that afternoon, he had called round on his way home from his date with Kim to check on him. Alan had been drunk and was obviously depressed. Brian had offered to stay with him, but Alan had withdrawn into himself and told him to go home. Now, three hours later, the feeling of unease he’d left him with still dogged him.
He turned over and tried to go back to sleep, but sleep wouldn’t come. He reached out and picked up the phone, dialling Alan’s number. He lay back on the pillow, the phone to his ear, leaving it ringing for some time, a frown crossing his face. He put the receiver down and lay back, thinking. A few minutes later, he picked it up and dialled again.
He banged down the receiver upon getting no reply, and got out of bed. He knew he would sleep no more this night if he didn’t go and reassure himself that Alan was alright.
He dressed and drove over to Alan’s apartment block, letting himself into the main building with the spare key Alan had given him for emergencies, and took the stairs two at a time.
He rang the doorbell repeatedly, but there was no answer.
He turned to go, thinking that he was over-reacting and that Alan had probably gone to bed and, as drunk as he’d been when Brian had left him, wouldn’t hear him knocking the door. But the feeling of unease persisted.
Taking out the door key he attempted to unlock the door, but it appeared to be deadlocked from the inside.
Brian backed up and shouldered the door. It gave on the second attempt and he hurried inside.
Alan was sprawled on the sofa, his head on one arm, the other dangling over the edge. He appeared to be asleep. The patio window was ajar, the cold November wind blowing the curtains.
Suddenly, Brian’s eyes fell on a small bottle on the floor. He stooped to pick it up, his eyes widening in horror when he saw the name of a brand of strong painkillers on the label. There were three pills left in. How many of them Alan might have taken he could only guess at. Maybe none, maybe all of them, but the half bottle of scotch he’d seen him with earlier now lay empty on the floor.
“Oh, no.” groaned Brian. He crouched down by Alan, slapping his face. He did not stir. On feeling his pulse, it was weak and erratic.
Brian jumped up and grabbed the phone to call an ambulance.
“Make it fast.” he told them.
The fire had long since died, and the room was cold. Brian went to fetch a blanket and wrapped it around him. Just then, Frank, woken by the noise of the door being broken down, skidded into the room, clad in a dressing gown, a gun in his hand.
“I t’ought you was burglars.” he said. Then, seeing Alan’s unconscious form on the sofa. “What’s happened?”
Brian slammed the patio door shut and came back over to the sofa. “I don’t know.” He turned frightened eyes onto to Frank. “He’s out cold.” He knelt down by Alan, rubbing his ice cold hands.
“Has he been drinking?” asked Frank, eyeing the empty scotch bottle.
Brian nodded, and then picked up the pill bottle. “I think he’s taken these too.”
Frank’s eyes widened. “Oh, my God.”
A few moments later, the ambulance arrived and Alan was rushed to the hospital for emergency treatment. Brian waited anxiously for news, pacing up and down the hospital corridor.
Some time later, a doctor approached him.
“How is he?” asked Brian.
“He’ll make it.” said the doctor. “You found him in time. But, I tell you, physically he’s in bad shape.”
“I know.” nodded Brian. “He’s had a few problems lately.”
The doctor nodded. “I’ve seen it all before. He’s been trying to drown his problems in drink, yes?”
Brian nodded. “It’s bad enough for ordinary people, but he’s under the additional pressure of being constantly under public scrutiny, and he tends to be emotionally unstable at the best of times.”
“Well, we’ve pumped out his stomach and we’re giving him IV fluids to counteract the alcohol. He’ll feel sore for a day or two when he wakes up, but with plenty of rest and nourishment he should recover without any long term effects. But I warn you, if he continues on this path, he’s heading for big trouble.”
The doctor left, and Brian went to face the pressmen congregated outside, who had somehow managed to find out that Alan had been brought in.
As he emerged from the building, they bombarded him with questions. Brian tried to tell them as little as possible. All he would say was that Alan had been unwell recently, and that his condition was stable.
He drove back to his apartment, where he telephoned Frank to tell him that Alan was alright. “I thought you’d like to know.” he told him.
“Yeah, thanks.” said Frank. “That’s good news.”
“Will you arrange to have his door fixed, and send the bill to me?” Brian asked.
“Sure. But don’t worry about the bill. I’ll book it as maintenance.”
“Thanks a lot.” said Brian.
He hung up and then dialled Lee’s number. It was some time before a husky voice came on the line.
“Hello?”
“Lee? It’s Brian.”
“Brian…? Hey, man, it’s five a.m!” an angry whisper came back at him.
Brian glanced at the clock. He had completely forgotten the time.
“I’m sorry to wake you.” he replied, somewhat sheepishly.
“Something wrong?” Lee struggled into a sitting position, sensing trouble. His wife grunted and turned over.
“It’s Alan.” Brian told him. “He’s in the hospital.”
“What’s happened?” gasped Lee
Brian sighed. “He took pills, Lee.”
“What?” Lee’s voice was loud down the phone. “You’re kidding?”
“I wish I was.”
“But…” Lee couldn’t believe it. He knew Alan had been behaving strangely lately, but an overdose? That just wasn’t his style. “...How? …Why?”
“Well, we all know why.” said Brian. “As to how… I don’t know if it was accidental or deliberate. I saw him earlier tonight, and he was as drunk as a skunk.”
“Not again.” sighed Lee.
“Yeah. I feel awful.” confessed Brian. “I had the feeling something was wrong. I should have stayed with him, but I had a date with Kim. God, when I think of what could have happened.”
“When was this?” asked Lee.
Brian recounted the evening’s events to him.
“I’ve just come from the hospital.” he told him. “Needless to say, the press were on it in record time, so it’ll be all over the papers tomorrow.”
Lee grunted in disgust. “Is Alan gonna be alright?”
“Yeah. I found him in time, but the Doc reckons if he doesn’t get himself straightened out soon he’s in big trouble.”
“Maybe he ought to see a shrink or something?” suggested Lee.
“Yeah, he probably should, but he won’t do that.” said Brian. “He’d feel intimidated by a psychiatrist. Anyway, he’d worry about the press finding out, and you know the sort of things they’d write about that.”
“Yeah. I guess.” said Lee. “So, what are we going to do?”
“I have no idea.” Brian said wearily. “No idea at all.” He sighed heavily. “Look, I’m sorry I woke you. Will you tell some of the other guys tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
“Bye then.” Brian put down the phone and went back to bed, but he couldn’t sleep. He lay awake thinking, wondering if there was something he could have done to prevent this.
Perhaps he should have told Alan he’d spoken to Nita? No, that would have been worse. He’d have hated the thought that Nita knew how upset he was, and he’d have resented Brian going behind his back. No, he’d done all he could in that area. He’d suggested he contact her but Alan had chosen not to follow it up. But he still felt bad for going off to meet Kim when he’d known something wasn’t right.
He remembered Alan’s expression as they’d sat outside in the car that afternoon. It all made sense now. He’d been afraid to go home, probably because his memories of Nita would be stronger there. He’d got drunk to try and blot them out. But that didn’t explain the pills. Had he tried to kill himself? Brian found that hard to believe. Even at his most desperate, in the days and weeks after he and Corinne had split up, he’d never contemplated suicide. But the fact remained that he had taken them, intentionally or not. He would be alright this time. But what next? They couldn’t watch him twenty-four hours a day. In his present state of mind he might do it again, and next time there might not be anyone around to help him. Brian closed his eyes, his blood running cold at the thought. What a mess.
-ooOOoo-
It made the British papers two days later.
Nita was woken by her mother waving the paper in her face.
“Nita! Nita, look.”
Nita struggled into a sitting position and took the newspaper.
In the bottom right-hand corner of the front page was a photograph of Alan, with the headline POP STAR IN HOSPITAL. Nita’s heart skipped a beat. She read on;
“American Singer/Songwriter Alan Moreno was rushed to hospital in the early hours of Tuesday morning after a suspected drug overdose. Mr. Moreno, 29, was found unconscious in his apartment by his bodyguard, Brian McAlister. Mr. McAlister would not comment on what happened other than to say that Mr. Moreno had been unwell for several weeks, and that his condition was stable.”
“Oh, no.” Nita closed her eyes, feeling suddenly faint.
She jumped out of bed and began searching frantically through her handbag for her address book, all her pride forgotten.
She ran downstairs and dialled Brian’s number, forgetting the time difference between London and Los Angeles.
It seemed an eternity before it rang out.
“Come on.” she muttered to herself, praying that Brian was at home.
“9119” A voice crackled onto the line some moments later.
“Brian?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s Nita. I’ve just read the paper.”
“Oh. Hi, Nita.” Brian looked at the clock. It was two-thirty a.m.
He sat up, putting the pillow behind his head. “Has it made the papers there too?” he said, wearily. “I’m sorry. I should have called. It slipped my mind.”
“How is he?” Nita asked anxiously.
“Not great right now. The doctors pulled him through, but he’s pretty weak. He hasn’t been sleeping or eating too well lately.”
“Did he do it on purpose, or was it an accident?” asked Nita.
Brian sighed. “I really don’t know, Nita. He’s been acting so crazy just lately. He could have done anything. He was very drunk that night… I just don’t know…”
“Oh, Brian, you must think this is all my fault.” Nita’s voice caught.
“I don’t know whose fault it is. I just know it could have been avoided. I blame myself partly. I knew he shouldn’t have been left on his own that night.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it would come to this. I thought he’d be O.K.”
“I tried to warn you, Nita.” said Brian.
“I know, but…”
“Can’t you come back, Nita? He does need you, whatever he may have said to you.”
“It’ll take me a day or so to get there.” Nita told him.
“Alan’s not going anywhere.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” said Nita. “But don’t tell him. I’ll call you when I get there.”
“O.K. Nita… and thanks.”
Nita cut off and rang the airport. She managed to get a seat on a flight the next afternoon.
As she went back upstairs her mother was just making her bed.
“You’re going back then?” she asked, as she straightened the bedspread.
“Yes. I should have gone back weeks ago, when Brian first phoned me. He suspected something like this would happen, but I wouldn’t listen.”
“I hope you can sort out your differences, but we’ll be sorry to see you go.”
“Oh!” Nita gasped, suddenly. “I forgot about Karen and the boys. I’ll have to ring and explain.”
She went back downstairs to call Karen and explained that she had to go to America on urgent business.
“It’s Alan Moreno, isn’t it?” said Karen.
Nita was stunned. “I… er… yes…” she stuttered. “But how…”
“I’ve just read the paper.” said Karen. “You worked for him, but you went out of your way to avoid talking about him. Now he’s ill, and suddenly you’re rushing off to America. It doesn’t take much working out.”
“I’m sorry.” Nita was embarrassed. Put like that it sounded as if she’d deliberately tried to deceive them. “And I’m sorry to leave you in the lurch like this, but I have to go.”
“I understand.” Karen was sympathetic, and despite the problems Nita’s departure was leaving them with, wished her luck.
Nita went back up to her room to start sorting her packing.
“Alright?” her mother asked.
Nita nodded. Suddenly, she sat on the edge of the bed, tears welling in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” asked her mother.
“I feel so awful. Alan could have died and it would all have been my fault.”
“But he didn’t. He’s going to be alright, and tomorrow you’ll be with him.”
Nita raised a small smile.
-ooOOoo-
The following morning, she booked a taxi to take her to the airport.
“Ring us as soon as you know what your plans are.” her mother told her.
“I will, Mum. Bye.”
On the flight to Los Angeles, Nita sat gazing out of the window, going back over what had happened.
In retrospect, it had been a stupid fight. They were both tired and irritable from working so hard. Their words had been uttered in the heat of the moment. Alan would probably have apologized if she’d waited until the next day instead of rushing off. She had taken his silence as a sign that he didn’t care. But she had forgotten how insecure he was. Her vanishing act had probably made him think that she didn’t care about him. After all, she’d left no messages, nor any clues as to her whereabouts. It would have looked as if she had never wanted to see him again, which at that moment she hadn’t. She put herself in Alan’s shoes. If he had done that to her she would have been furious. Was it any wonder then, that he hadn’t made any attempt to contact her? The more she thought about it, the more she felt what had happened was all her fault. She had known what Alan was when she agreed to go with him and yet she had tried to change him to what she wanted him to be, just like Corinne had done. He had tried his best to fit her in with all the other demands on his time. Just because he couldn’t spend as much time with her as she’d have liked didn’t mean he cared any less. She knew how hard he’d been working, how tired he was. She should have supported him, not demanded more from him.
She brushed a tear from her cheek. Had he tried to kill himself? Or had it been an accident? If he’d died, she would never have forgiven herself, and neither would Brian and the others. She shuddered at the thought.
When she arrived in Los Angeles, she booked into a hotel and then telephoned Brian.
“Hi, Nita. You soon got here.”
“Brian, will you take me to see Alan?”
“Sure. I’ll pick you up. Where are you?”
Nita gave him the address.
“Fifteen minutes.” Brian hung up,
Nita answered his knock on the door fifteen minutes later.
“Hi.” Brian gave her a weary smile. “Good to see you.”
They hugged each other.
“You too.” said Nita. “Thanks for being my friend.” She kissed his cheek. Brian blushed.
She picked up her bag and they went down to the car.
Nita glanced at him as they walked. He looked tired and drawn. It was obvious he hadn’t slept much in the last few days.
“How is Alan now?” she asked, as they drove.
“Still pretty weak, and pretty depressed. He just gazes out of the window all the time, miles away. I think he’s really cracking up this time.”
“Don’t say that.” said Nita. “He’s got to be alright.”
They arrived at the hospital and Brian showed Nita up to Alan’s room.
“I’ll wait out here.” he told her.
Nita nodded. “O.K.”
She took a deep breath, gingerly opening the door and going inside, walking quietly up to the bed. Alan appeared to be asleep.
She stood looking down at him. He looked awful. His face was thinner than she remembered, and was almost as white as his pillows, and there were dark shadows under his eyes. He looked older.
“Alan?” she whispered.
When he did not stir, she gently touched his shoulder.
“Alan. Wake up.”
Alan groaned and opened his eyes. Then he opened them wider when he focused on Nita. It was a good half minute before he spoke.
“Is it really you?” his voice was a whisper.
“Yes.” Nita nodded.
“Tell me I’m not dreaming.” Alan put a hand over his eyes, then moved it away and looked at her again, as though doubting what he was seeing.
He held out his hand, and she took it. He pressed her fingers to his lips and kissed them. Nita sat on the edge of the bed, stroking back his hair with her free hand, her emotions a mixture of agony and ecstasy.
“Thank God, you’re here. I didn’t want to go on without you.” He pulled her down burying her face in kisses, as tears of relief and happiness slid from his eyes.
“I’m sorry.” he said, when he finally released her. “I didn’t mean all those things I said.”
“Yes, you did.” said Nita. “But it’s O.K. I understand how much your work means to you. I would never ask you to give it up.
He pulled her to him once more.
“I love you so much.” He croaked. “Don’t leave me again, please.”
“I won’t. I love you too, Alan.” she added, crying too now.
They sat for several minutes, holding each other, brushing each other’s faces with small kisses.
“I thought you didn’t care.” Alan told her, when he’d composed himself. “That you’d just used me to get on, like all the others.”
“I care, Alan. But you were so wrapped up in your work you couldn’t see it. If only you would open up, give a bit more.”
“I’ll try.” said Alan. “I will try. It’s just that, after Corinne… I vowed never to let anyone get that close to me again, and I didn’t… until you came along.”
Nita wanted to know just what had happened between him and Corinne, but now wasn’t the time to ask.
“I can understand why you felt that way.” she told him. “But you can’t go through life like that.”
“I know.”
“Listen. You get some sleep and I’ll come and see you tomorrow.” she told him.
“Where are you staying?”
“I booked into a hotel.”
“You could stay at my place?” Alan suggested, hopefully. “No sense in wasting your money.”
Nita smiled. “Alright. I’ve already paid for tonight, but I’ll move tomorrow.” she told him, longing for the time when they would once again be together in his apartment. They’d been happy there.
“See you tomorrow.” she said, blowing him a kiss from the doorway, which he pretended to catch.
Brian was sitting on a bench in the corridor, flipping through a magazine. He looked shattered.
He looked up anxiously as Nita approached.
“It’s O.K.” she broke into a grin. “Everything’s fine.”
“You’re staying then?” he asked, hopefully.
Nita nodded. Alan asked me to move back into his apartment.
Brian gave a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness. You’ve no idea what it’s been like since you left.”
They went back out to the car, to drive back to Nita’s hotel.
“What exactly happened that night, Brian?” Nita asked.
Brian sighed. “It makes me shudder to think about it.” he said. “We finished the extra tour dates I told you about, last weekend, and flew home on Monday. Alan said he was going to spend a couple of weeks writing some new stuff, but…” Brian shrugged “…he was just saying that. He hasn’t written a thing since you left.” Brian stopped the car for a set of traffic lights. When they changed, he continued speaking.
“He seemed in a strange mood when I dropped him at home, like he didn’t want to be there, and he started drinking the minute he walked in. I knew he shouldn’t really be on his own, but I had a date that night, so I left. But I called round on my way home, to check he was O.K.”
“And?” Nita prompted.
“He was so drunk he could barely stand. He hadn’t eaten or anything. He said he was having a party, all on his own. He was really down, going on about all the thousands of people who claimed to love him and yet he had no-one to turn to when he needed someone.”
“I can’t bear to think of him so sad.” said Nita.
“I tried to talk to him.” Brian continued. “But he just told me to go away. I only mentioned your name and he went to pieces. I knew I shouldn’t have left him, but he insisted… God, if he’d died, I’d never have forgiven myself.”
“But the paper said you were the one who found him?”
“Yeah. I went home, but I couldn’t sleep. I had this real bad feeling. So I got up and drove back over there… I had to break his door down to get in… He was out cold on the sofa. He’d drunk at least half a bottle of scotch, probably more, and there was an almost empty bottle of pills on the floor. I don’t know if he intended to take them or not. He says he doesn’t remember taking any. Still,” he added, smiling, “you’re back now. Like the cavalry.”
“Cavalry?”
“Yeah. In the nick of time.” said Brian. “The doctor said that if he didn’t get himself straightened out pretty soon…” Brian made a mock slit across his throat. “You can help him.”
He dropped Nita off at her hotel, where she spent a restless night going over in her mind what Brian had told her.
The following morning, he helped her move her things over to Alan’s apartment.
“Hello, Frank.” Nita smiled as they entered the building.
“Miss Nita! Long time no see. How long has it been?”
“Must be at least three months.”
“Are you moving back in?”
“Yes.”
“How is Mr. Moreno?
“Much better, thanks.”
“He hasn’t been well for some time.” Frank folded his arms, obviously keen to gossip.
“I know. Well, I’ll see you later.” Nita cut him off.
They took the lift up to Alan’s apartment. The place was a mess. His housekeeper hadn’t been in since before Alan had gone into hospital and the evidence of what had become his regular lifestyle, since Nita had left, was all around them.
There were several dirty glasses, and bottles on the coffee table. Cushions, a newspaper and items of Alan’s clothing were strewn on the floor where he’d dropped them.
“Sorry about the mess.” said Brian. “I was so worried about Alan, I never gave a thought to cleaning up.”
“Don’t worry.” smiled Nita. “I’ll clean up.”
Brian left, and Nita unpacked her things. She cleared away the glasses and bottles, tidied up and vacuumed.
In the bedroom was a half unpacked suitcase, Alan’s casual clothes from off the tour. She hung up the clean ones, and carried the others through to the kitchen to put in the washing machine. She stood in the kitchen, holding the pile of clothes in her arms, the faint scent of him still lingering in the fabrics. She inhaled it, her body tingling with reborn desire. She couldn’t wait for him to come home.
CHAPTER 13
Later that afternoon, Nita took a cab to the hospital to visit Alan. He seemed a lot more cheerful, although he was still pale.
She leaned down to kiss his cheek. “How do you feel?”
“I’m fine. Sit down.” he told her agitatedly.
Nita sat, wondering what was bugging him.
“Nita. Will you marry me?”
Nita’s jaw fell open in stunned surprise.
“Well?” asked Alan anxiously.
At the back of her mind, Nita had hoped this moment would come, but she hadn’t expected it quite so soon.
“It’s so sudden…” she stammered. “I don’t know what to say…”
“Say yes. I know we can make it work. I thought about it all last night.”
Nita thought for a few moments, pacing up and down the room, while Alan watched her in nervous anticipation.
Life with Alan wouldn’t always be easy. He could be self-absorbed, moody and temperamental. He worked long hours, and was away from home often. But her months back in England had taught her that she’d come to love that kind of life and, even more, she loved Alan and wanted to be with him. And Alan loved her too. Now that she knew that, she could cope with anything.
“I don’t want to be alone again.” Alan’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “I love you, Nita. I want you with me, forever.”
Nita turned to face him. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Alan.” She walked over to him and they hugged each other.
“I love you.” he whispered in her ear.
“I love you too.”
“When shall we get married?”
“After Christmas?”
“How about before?”
“It’s only a month away. It’s too soon.”
“Why?” asked Alan.
“There’s so much to do, and I want my parents to be here, and anyway, you’re not fit enough yet.”
“Oh, I’m fine.” Alan protested.
“No you’re not. You’re as white as a sheet. No. We’ll get married in January.”
“Well… alright then.” Alan conceded.
-ooOOoo-
Although Alan had a regular housekeeper, Nita took on the task of cleaning through the apartment in readiness for Alan’s homecoming, and bought flowers to brighten it up. She had finally got to meet Miriam, the housekeeper, a small, motherly Jewish woman who Nita warmed to immediately. Because she and Alan had been away on tour for the majority of the time she’d been in America, their paths hadn’t previously crossed.
“I’m so glad you are here to look after Mr. Alan.” Miriam told her. “I was getting very worried about him.” She tutted to herself. “He’s got so thin, and when I come to clean, the place is full of empty bottles. I said to my Joseph, that boy will be ill” she wagged a finger “and I was right.”
Two days later, Brian collected Alan from the hospital and brought him home, where Nita had prepared a meal.
“Alan!” She flew to him, flinging her arms around his neck. She too noticed how thin he seemed as she pressed her body to his. “Welcome home.”
He kissed her. “It’s good to be back.”
Nita took his hand and led him to the dining area. “Sit. Lunch is ready.” Then, turning to Brian, “Will you stay and have some, Brian?”
“Oh… I don’t…” Brian began, not wanting to intrude.
“Sit down, man.” Alan grinned, indicating the chair opposite him.
“Well, O.K.” Brian sat down eagerly. Living on his own, he appreciated any meal he didn’t have to cook himself.
They had an enjoyable lunch, discussing the wedding and Alan’s future work plans.
Brian was relieved to see that Alan seemed almost back to his old self now that Nita was back, but it was obvious that their separation had scarred him emotionally. If Nita disappeared for any length of time, Brian noticed his eyes nervously searching for her and, even while apparently deep in conversation with Brian, he subconsciously searched for her hand to hold. It would be quite a while before he recovered.
In the weeks up to Christmas, Nita gave Alan all her attention, fussing around him like a mother hen, insisting he get plenty of sleep and cooking endless meals to try and put some weight back onto his gaunt frame.
They rarely went out, opting to stay at home curled up in front of the fire, chatting, listening to music or watching movies on T.V, and making love.
Nita too had noticed his nervousness and tried to reassure him that she would never leave him again and, on the surface at least, he seemed to relax. But she was made aware of how deep his insecurities went at night when they were in bed. He suffered frequent nightmares, when he would mumble incoherently before waking with a start, calling out her name, or else thrash around in silent torment. Nita hoped that, once they were married, the demons would leave him and he would start to relax.
She began making plans for the wedding. They had decided to keep it a small affair, just for immediate family and close friends. Neither of them wanted a flashy show business wedding and all the problems that would bring.
She arranged the church, booked the wedding reception at an exclusive hotel out in the suburbs, where they were less likely to be harassed by the press, and compiled a list of people to invite. This included all of the road crew with their wives and girlfriends, plus the other musicians and backing singers in his band. Then there was Alan’s mother, Sophia, Frank, the doorman, and his wife, Ida, Miriam and Joseph, Alan’s British and American P.R. men, both of whom were good friends of his, and their wives, his Manager and one or two executives and technical staff from his recording company, and Nita’s parents. She showed the list to Alan who added one or two old friends and a few sessions musicians he liked to work with. The whole list came to less than fifty people.
Nita phoned her parents to tell them the good news.
“Oh, how wonderful!” her mother screeched down the phone.
“We want to fly you out for the wedding.”
“Oh, Nita, we’d love to, but… the fare…”
“Don’t worry. We’ll take care of everything. Just buy yourself a new outfit.”
“When is it?”
“January 10th.”
“Oh, how lovely.” her mother kept repeating.
“When we’ve arranged your flight I’ll let you know all the details. Meanwhile, I’m ringing to wish you both happy Christmas. Is it snowing there?”
“Not yet.”
“The weather’s not bad here.” said Nita.
“I can’t wait to see it. Your Father will be pleased. How is Alan now?”
“He’s alright. He’s resting for the time being. The doctor told him no work until at least after the wedding.”
They chatted for a few moments longer before Nita again wished them a happy Christmas and hung up.
“Was she pleased?” Alan asked.
“Ecstatic.” grinned Nita.
They spent a quiet Christmas at home, a rare thing for Alan. He usually worked from the 26th onwards.
Brian, Kim, Lee and his wife Melanie came over after Christmas day dinner and they had a small party. Alan played piano and sang some carols which, after several drinks, they all tried unsuccessfully to harmonize with.”
“What do you think about being Best Man?” Nita asked Brian when she managed to get him to herself. He had been honoured when Alan had asked him to perform the task but was more than a little apprehensive about doing so.
“I’m terrified.” admitted Brian.
“You?” Nita couldn’t imagine Brian being afraid of anything.
“It’s the thought of making a speech.” he told her.
Nita laughed. “You’ll sail through it.”
“I’m very happy for you both.” Brian said now. “I had reservations in the beginning, but you’re just what he needs.”
“Thank you.” said Nita.
Later, after everyone had gone home, Nita and Alan sat curled up together on the sofa, listening to Chopin on the stereo.
“Alan?” Nita, gazed at him. His eyes were half closed, as he absorbed the music, his cheeks flushed from the heat of the fire and the wine they’d consumed during the afternoon.
“Yeah?” he replied, lazily.
“Tell me about Corinne.” She had wanted to ask him for weeks. Whatever had happened between them had scarred his emotions so deeply, he had never fully recovered from it. She wanted to know why.
Alan shot her a surprised glance. “What’s to tell?” he replied, dismissively.
“I know you parted because she couldn’t accept your lifestyle. Brian told me.”
“Did he now?” Alan raised an eyebrow.
“Yes.” Nita cut in before he had time to say any more. “But I don’t know how you met, or how you parted, and I’d like to.”
“It’s all in the past. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“It may be in the past, but the consequences of it have haunted you ever since. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. I want to understand why you became so bitter, so insecure.”
Alan sighed, leaning his head back on the sofa. He had tried for years to bury the memories but Nita was right, they had haunted him. Perhaps, if he talked about it, he could finally draw a line under it.
“She joined our school in the ninth grade, when her folks moved from Ohio.” he began presently. “She was so pretty… I couldn’t believe she went for me too.” A slight smile touched his lips. “We went steady as soon as we left school, and as soon as we could afford it, we got a small apartment together.
He sighed. “We were so happy in those early days. Broke, but happy. Then, when I started getting regular work as a musician, things began to change. She’d never really liked my obsession with music. She thought it was a waste of time, that there was no future in it. She wanted me to get a regular job, with regular hours, marriage, babies…” He shrugged. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want those things at some point, but, we were just kids… Then I got famous.” He shook his head as he remembered. “She hated it. She wasn’t cut out for being in the public eye. If we went out, people were always trying to take photographs or asking me for autographs. She loathed the invasion of privacy, and she didn’t like how much time I spent away working instead of being with her. She stopped going out places with me, and she shunned all my friends in the business and nagged me to give it up. We argued over it constantly. I just couldn’t see what she had against it all. I mean, it was making us money. For the first time in my life, I could plan a future and not worry how I was going to pay my way.” He uncurled himself from the sofa, and got up to pour himself a drink before sitting down again.
“I did try to give it up.” he continued, his voice showing the agony he still felt. “I got a job as a bartender, and I tried to live the kind of life she wanted… cosy nights by the fire, Friday night at the movies…” he paused to sip his drink.
“On Saturdays we’d have her friends around for dinner. Never mine.” he added bitterly. “On Sundays we used to have to visit her folks.” He shook his head. “I stuck it out for a few weeks, but it was all so…” he struggled to find the words for how he felt “…predictable. I was barely twenty years old, but I felt like fifty, and all the time, the music inside me…” he trailed off, raking a hand through his hair “…it kept pushing its way into my mind, no matter how much I tried to suppress it. At night, I would lie awake with all these melodies flying around in my head, just dying to get up and write them down.” He sighed. “I couldn’t talk to Corinne about how I felt. She didn’t want to hear it, and I knew she would never understand. It drove me crazy.”
“Eventually, something must have snapped in me because I went out one day and organized a gig. I planned to do it without telling her.” He gave a grunt of self-disgust. “God knows how I thought I was going to pull it off. She was bound to find out, but at the time I was sure I could do it. After all, she never saw any of my friends, and never read any of the music papers.” He trailed off, gazing pensively into his glass.
“She found out?” Nita’s voice was a whisper.
Alan nodded.
“What happened?”
Alan closed his eyes. He had never told anyone exactly what had happened that night. He’d been too ashamed.
“I took a cab home after the gig.” he told her. “When I got back, Corinne was waiting for me, with all my stuff packed in a suitcase.” His voice caught. “She said she’d known about the gig for a while but had just wanted to see if I would actually go through with it.” He shook his head. “As soon as I looked at her, I knew I’d gone too far.” He fiddled nervously with his glass. “We’d always been honest with each other about everything – well, everything except my music. Now I’d not only gone behind her back to do something, I’d broken my word and gone back to my music.” He paused, still staring intently into his glass.
“What then?” Nita prompted.
Reluctantly, Alan allowed the memory of that night to enter his mind. He had buried it all these years, afraid to confront the pain it represented. But now it was time to acknowledge it, and put it to rest once and for all.
He leaned back against the sofa, closing his eyes, letting his mind take him back to that night and, once again, he was back there in the cab, Corinne staring icily at him as he climbed out...
“I really didn’t think you’d dare to actually go through with it.” she said, as he climbed out of the cab, which then drove away.
“What are you talking about?” Alan feigned ignorance even though he realized she knew where he’d been.
“You know what I’m talking about.” snapped Corinne. “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”
“H-how…?” Alan stammered.
“It doesn’t matter how.” said Corinne. “Someone who knows someone who knows one of the staff at the club you played, if you must know.” she added, glaring at him with contempt.
Alan stared at her for a long moment, before lifting his shoulders in a helpless admission of guilt.
“I’m sorry.”
He was aware of one or two of their neighbours appearing at their windows to see what the commotion was about.
“How could you?” Corinne hissed at him.
“I…” Alan began, but he had no answer. He shrugged again.
Corinne put out her foot and pushed the suitcase towards him.
“It’s over.” she told him, her voice devoid of emotion.
“But… Corinne…” Alan looked shocked. “There has to be some way we can sort this out… some kind of compromise?”
Corinne turned on her heel, to go back inside the apartment.
“Corinne? You can’t mean this?” Alan pleaded. “Please, try to understand. I can’t stop it. It’s inside me.”
Corinne turned to look at him, blocking the doorway. She’d heard this argument a hundred times. There was only one solution if they were both to keep their sanity.
“I love you, Corinne.” pleaded Alan, his eyes full of desperation. “Please don’t do this.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Why can’t you accept what I am?”
“I can’t live in that world.” Corinne said, to a point somewhere over Alan’s shoulder. “It’s smothering.”
“Oh, God, Corinne, why can’t I make you understand? My love for music doesn’t mean that I love you any less. Is that what bothers you? This feeling of second best you keep talking about?”
Corinne looked at him now. “You need to choose who you love more. Me, or your music.” she told him. “You can’t have us both, so choose. Now.”
Alan took a step backwards in stunned surprise. He clenched his fists, pressing them to his temples in frustration.
“I can’t.” he groaned.
“Can you swear you’ll never write another song, or do another gig, or make another record?” Corinne asked.
Alan stared at her for several moments, his expression tortured. He wanted to promise, but the words just wouldn’t come. Finally, he shook his head, lowering his eyes.
Corinne’s eyes softened for a moment. “I wish it had been another woman that took you from me, Alan. I could fight that. But not this.” Her expression hardened once again.
“Music is your mistress, so go to her.” she said flatly.
“Corinne…” Alan began, but Corinne slammed the door shut with a resounding thud.
Alan stared at the door, stunned and distraught. From somewhere deep within him rose an agonized cry, piercing the still night like a knife through velvet.
“Noooo!” Even as it reverberated around the street, Alan couldn’t relate it to his own voice. Panic swept over him. She couldn’t mean it. She couldn’t.
He hammered on the door, tears of frustration on his face. “Corinne!” he yelled through the door. “Corinne, please. Don’t do this. We can work it out.”
Silence greeted his pleas.
“Please Corinne…” his voice broke “…I love you…”
He slid down the door into a crumpled heap on the path, the neighbours hurriedly disappearing now that the display was over.
“Oh, Alan. How awful.” Nita’s voice brought him back to reality.
Silently, he got up and poured another drink. He stood with his back to her so she couldn’t see his expression. She waited for him to continue.
After a moment, he drew himself up and walked back to the sofa, sitting down and once again letting his mind drift back to the scene.
He had sat on the path for some time, hoping Corinne would relent but, eventually, reality seeped into his brain. It was over. He had betrayed her. There was no going back.
Emotionally, he had never fully recovered from the sudden loss of his father a few years earlier, and at the thought of losing Corinne too his stomach lurched so violently he was almost physically sick. He couldn’t imagine his life without her in it. She had destroyed his life with the slam of that door. All his plans, his dreams, meant nothing without her to share them with. There had to be some way to get through to her. But even as the thought entered his mind, he knew it was useless. Her dislike of his obsession with music had been a wedge between them but it was his dishonesty that had driven her to this. She would never trust him again.
Slowly, he climbed to his feet and, picking up the suitcase, walked dejectedly down the street, unaware that Corinne was watching through the darkened bedroom window, her face streaked with tears.
“I must have walked all night.” he said now, pushing the vision out of his mind. “I ended up at Brian’s place. What happened for the next few weeks is a blur. I was in a state of shock.”
Nita kissed the back of his neck.
“It must have been awful.” she said, remembering how bad she’d felt when she’d left him.
Alan suddenly turned and hugged her to him, his face buried against her neck.
“When we had that fight, it felt like you were trying to do the same thing that Corinne had wanted to do. It seemed like history repeating itself. I couldn’t believe it when I heard myself saying I wouldn’t give up my work and that there was no future for us. I didn’t want you to go, but…”
“I understand.” Nita hugged him as he clung to her, understanding now why he was so sensitive and insecure. He had been little more than a teenager, all at once trying to cope with the loss of his much loved father, a turbulent love affair, fame and adoration, and struggling to be creative only to have his work criticized and thrown back in his face by the person he loved the most. Corinne had smashed his ego and destroyed his self-respect, so that he couldn’t trust himself or anyone else from then on.
“I’ll never hurt you like that, Alan.” she whispered. “I love you as you are, and whatever you want to do is fine with me.”
Alan raised his head to kiss her and they slithered off the sofa onto the rug in front of the fire and made love.
-ooOOoo-
After Christmas, everything was one mad rush. Nita had her dress to get fitted for, flowers to organize, a hotel room to book for her parents, transport for the wedding, the list seemed endless.
Her parents arrived the day before the wedding. Nita and Brian went to the airport to meet them. As they came through the arrivals gate, Nita waved frantically, and hurried over to them. They hugged each other.
“Did you have a good flight?” asked Nita.
“Those planes are awfully big.” said her father. “Makes you wonder how they get off the ground.”
“And it’s such a long way.” her mother added.
Nita laughed. “This is Brian McAlister, Alan’s bodyguard. Brian, my parents.”
Brian shook hands with them. “It’s good to meet you.”
“Alan couldn’t come in case he was recognized.” Nita told them. “We’ve booked you a hotel room, but we’ll go to Alan’s first. You can freshen up there, and I’ve laid on some food.”
“Lovely.” smiled her mother.
On the drive to Alan’s apartment, Nita’s parents gazed around them in wonder. They had never been abroad before and were completely taken aback by the whole experience.
At Alan’s, they all piled out of the car, Nita’s parents clutching their flight bags and duty free carriers. Their suitcases remained in the car.
“Frank, these are my parents.” Nita said, as he eyed them suspiciously.
“Oh.” He broke into a smile. “Good to meet you both.” He shook their hands.
“Who’s he?” asked her father, as they went up in the lift.
“He’s the resident doorman. He keeps out the riff-raff. Some wealthy and well-known people live in this apartment block.”
They got out of the lift and Nita unlocked the door. “Here we are.”
Alan came to greet them.
“Hello again. It’s good to see you.”
“It’s nice to see you too.” Nita’s mother kissed Alan’s cheek and her father shook his hand.
“Are you better now?” her mother asked.
“I’m good, thanks.”
“What time is your mother coming, Alan?” Nita asked.
Alan looked at his watch. “She’ll be a couple of hours yet.”
They sat down and Nita served lunch. They discussed the wedding arrangements over a bottle of wine.
“This is a lovely flat.” said Nita’s mother, looking around her.
“Apartment, Mum. They don’t call them flats over here.”
“Oh, I see.”
Alan laughed at them as Nita took her mother off on a guided tour of the apartment, while he chatted to her father.
Some time later, a buzzer sounded on the wall. Alan got up and pressed the intercom button.
“Yeah, Frank?”
“There’s a lady here says she’s your mother, Mr. Moreno.”
“That’s O.K. Frank, send her up.” He released the button and went outside to meet the lift.
The doors opened, and a small Italian woman stepped out.
“Mama!” Alan picked her up and spun her round.
“Put me down.” she shrieked.
Alan put her down and they kissed each other.
“The cheek of that man, not believing I was your Mama.”
“Security, Mama. You should be glad I’m well looked after.”
She pouted, looking like Alan when he did the same.
She was little and plump, with black hair, streaked with grey, swept up in a bun on the top of her head. Although rounder faced than Alan, she had the same aqualine nose and, as they looked at each other, their eyes were identical.
“Why didn’t you let me have Brian pick you up?”
Mrs. Moreno waved the idea away. “There is nothing wrong with a taxi cab.” she told him. “Anyway,” she changed the subject “how come it’s been so long since you come visit your Mama, eh?” she prodded him in the arm.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been kind of busy.”
“Ay! Busy getting yourself in the hospital.” his mother reproached him. “Why didn’t you send for me?”
“There was no need, Mama. It wasn’t as bad as the press made out. You would have had a wasted journey.”
“Maybe.” His mother gave him a knowing look. He hadn’t known that she had phoned the hospital and they had filled her in on what had taken place, but added that his condition was stable and that there was no pressing need for her to make the journey from New York. Knowing that Alan would be mad at her for flying out when he hadn’t sent for her, she had chosen not to come.
“You look a little thin to me.” she said now.
“You always say that.” laughed Alan, taking her hand. “Come and meet everyone.”
They went inside the apartment.
“This is my mother, Sophia Moreno.” Alan announced. “Mama, Mr and Mrs Langley.”
“How do you do?” Nita’s father stood up to shake her hand. “Please, call me Eric, and this is Beryl.”
“It’s lovely to meet you.” said Beryl.
“It’s nice to meet you also.” Mrs. Moreno replied.
“Mama, this is Nita.”
Mrs. Moreno went up to Nita and kissed her cheek. “Hello, my child. I hope you will be very happy with my boy.”
“Thank you. I hope he’ll be happy with me.”
Nita made some more food and they opened some more wine.
Before they realized it, it was evening, and Brian came to collect Nita’s parents to drop them, and Nita, at the hotel. Nita had decided to stick with tradition and not see the groom before the wedding. Mrs. Moreno would stay at the apartment with Alan.
Nita and Alan kissed in the doorway.
“Are you nervous?” she asked.
“Terrified. This is worse than any first night. What about you?”
“Petrified.” she squeezed his hand. “Don’t be late. See you in church.”
“I love you.” he mouthed, as she got into the lift.
-ooOOoo-
CHAPTER 14
At the hotel, Nita unpacked her things, carefully laying out her wedding dress on the couch before going down to the hotel restaurant for supper with her parents.
“Are you nervous?” asked her mother.
Nita nodded. “A bit.”
“Enjoy the day, Nita.” her mother told her. “I was in such a tizz on my wedding day, I don’t remember anything until the reception.” she exchanged smiles with Nita’s father, sharing their own memories.
“I’ll try.” She sighed. “I hope Alan’s O.K. He’s even more nervous than I am.” She looked at her watch. “Well, I think I’ll go up.”
“Alright, love.” Her mother kissed her cheek. “Sleep well.”
“I’ll try.” Nita laughed.
She went up to her room and ran a bath. She lay in the frothy water trying to read a magazine, but she couldn’t concentrate on it. After half an hour, she got out of the bath, wrapped a large towel around her and sat on the bed watching T.V. while she painted her nails. Then she blow dried her hair before getting into bed.
She lay, watching the T.V, feeling strange, alone in a strange bed in a strange room. She glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven. She had only left Alan four hours ago and already she missed him terribly.
She sighed, picking up the remote control and turning off the T.V. She lay down, turning off the light, her stomach fluttering as she anticipated the coming day. It was almost a year to the day since she’d met Alan. Only a couple of months ago, she had thought she would never see him again, and now, here she was, just a few hours away from becoming Mrs. Alan Moreno. She could scarcely believe it.
What if he didn’t turn up? Panic swept through her at the thought, before she chastised herself for being paranoid. Of course he would. His Mother and Brian would make sure of it.
Back at Alan’s, Brian had called round and invited him to go out for a couple of drinks to celebrate his last night as a bachelor.
As his mother wanted to have a bath and get herself organized for the wedding, Alan agreed.
“I’ll just go and make myself inconspicuous.” he smirked.
Whereas most people dressed up to go out, Alan dressed down, and even sometimes donned glasses or false moustaches and beards to enable him to go out without being mobbed his fans.
When he returned, he had changed into faded jeans, sneakers and a New York Giants sweatshirt. He had combed his hair differently and wore a pair of gold rimmed glasses.
“How do I look?” he grinned at Brian.
Brian grimaced. “Awful.”
“Good.” grinned Alan. “Let’s go.”
Brian drove down town to a quiet back street bar he knew where there was less chance of Alan being recognized. As they walked inside, Lee, Nick and a few of the other crew members were waiting for them.
“Here comes the condemned man.” joked Lee.
Nick extended his hand to shake Alan’s. “Well, it was nice knowing you, pal.” he said solemnly.
“Yeah.” echoed Lee.
“Knock it off you two.” laughed Alan.
“What’ll it be?” Brian asked, as the bartended approached.
“Champagne… and it’s on me.” said Alan. He turned to the bartender. “A bottle of your best champagne please.”
They spent an enjoyable couple pf hours laughing and joking and chatting about old times before Brian dropped him back at his apartment at eleven-thirty.
“Now, you know the timetable for tomorrow?” Brian questioned him as he got out of the car.
“Yes, and if I don’t, Mama certainly does. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He slammed the car door and raised a hand to wave at Brian before sprinting up the steps to the apartment building.
-ooOOoo-
The wedding went according to plan. Everyone arrived safely at the church to wait for Nita and her bridesmaids, Cheryl and Paula from Alan’s backing group.
Nita’s parents couldn’t believe how lovely the weather was for January. They had left snow back in England.
The bridesmaids arrived, wearing long peach coloured dresses with little peach flowers woven into their hair.
Nita had decided to wear white, and she arrived in a long white gown, which had an embroidered lace overskirt and a Snow White style stand up collar, which plunged into a V-neck.
She had taken her hair back and curled it into ringlets down her back. She wore a flower shaped headdress and a floor length veil.
She walked down the aisle with her father, to oohs and aahs from their friends.
At the altar, she smiled up at Alan, who looked admiringly down at her.
Nita had to pinch herself. Was this handsome vision beside her really going to be her husband?
Alan wore a silver grey suit and matching tie. He’d had his make-up girl wash and blow dry his hair, so that it fell in neat waves over his jacket collar. His brown eyes shone like bottomless pools of water.
Both mothers were in tears throughout the ceremony.
“Do you, Nita Louise Langley take this man…”
The words faded as Nita gazed up into Alan’s eyes. She was so happy she was sure she would burst.
“I do.” she said, smiling up at Alan.
“I do.” Alan said, softly, a few moments later, the words like a caress on her body.
“I now pronounce you man and wife.” the priest finished enthusiastically. “You may kiss the bride.”
Alan gently lifted her veil and they kissed. Nita hung onto him, sure she would fall to the floor if she should let go.
There was heavy security around the church, as some of Alan’s fans had managed to find out where the wedding was and turned up to watch.
Alan and Nita posed for photographs in the grounds at the back of the church, which had been made off limits to the fans, before adjourning to the front to pose for the press, who had turned up to record the event. Then they got into a white vintage Rolls Royce and Brian drove them through a crowd of sightseers out to the reception venue.
“You’ll be in all the papers tomorrow.” Alan told her. “You’re a celebrity now you know.”
“I hadn’t really thought about that.” said Nita. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “But as long as I’ve got you, I don’t care.”
You look lovely.” Nita’s mother told her at the reception. “So does Alan.”
“Yes, he does, doesn’t he?”” Nita gazed at Alan who was chatting to some of the road crew over on the other side of the room. She sighed, suddenly thinking how close she had come to losing him. She forced the thought from her mind and turned back to her mother.
“Are you going to stay on here until we get back?” she asked.
“Oh… I don’t know… It’ll cost a fortune…”
“It doesn’t matter, Mum. Please stay. I’d like to see a bit more of you before you go back home.”
“Well, alright then.”
Nita crossed to speak to Brian.
“Your speech was fine.” she told him.
“Thanks. I’m just glad it’s over. Say, I haven’t kissed the bride yet. May I?” he asked Alan who had just come over to join them.
“Just this once.” laughed Alan.
Brian kissed Nita and then pumped Alan’s hand vigorously. “All the best.”
“Thanks.” smiled Alan.
One of the guests demanded Alan’s attention and Nita drew Brian into a quiet corner.
“Alan told me all about what happened with Corinne the other week.” she told him.
“Did he?” Brian raised a surprised eyebrow. “He’s never talked about it before.”
“Even to you?”
“No. But it didn’t take much imagination to work it out.”
“He said he came to you.”
Brian nodded. “Yeah.”
“Tell me what happened. Alan claims not to remember much about it.”
A frown crossed Brian’s face. “No, he probably doesn't.” His gaze flicked across to Alan, engrossed in conversation with his British P.R. man, going back in his mind to that night.
He had been woken by a persistent knocking on his door. A glance at the clock showed it was almost dawn.
He struggled out of bed, cursing whoever it was for waking him at this ungodly hour, hurried downstairs and unlocked the door.
He gasped in shock at Alan’s dejected figure huddled against the doorframe. His eyes held an oddly vacant expression and looked darker than usual in his pale face. He was obviously dead on his feet, but too distraught for sleep.
“Alan? What’s happened?”
Too shocked to answer, Alan slowly shook his head, his gaze rivetted on some point beyond Brian’s shoulder.
Brian stepped outside to him, and almost tripped over the suitcase at Alan’s feet. He looked at the suitcase and then back to Alan, wondering what the hell was going on.
“Come in.” Brian took his arm and led him inside. “God, you’re freezing.”
He went to fetch a blanket, and when he returned Alan was still standing where he had left him, seemingly in a trance.
Brian put the blanket around his shoulders and sat him down on the sofa, turning on the heater to warm the room. Then he poured a large glass of brandy and pressed it into Alan’s cold hands.
“Drink.” he ordered, and was relieved when Alan raised the glass to his lips.
Brian waited until he’d drunk it all before he spoke.
“Did you walk here?” he asked.
Alan gave a vague nod.
Brian studied him. Working from the time he’d left him the previous evening, and taking into account that he was still wearing the same clothes, which were now somewhat disheveled, he guessed that Alan had been walking the streets all night.
“Have you left home?” he asked.
His words at last triggered a reaction. Alan’s eyes filled with tears.
Brian sat down by him. “What happened?”
“It’s over.” He spoke so quietly Brian could barely hear him.
“Over? What do you mean?”
A tear spilled over and ran down Alan’s cheek.
“It’s over. Finished.” he choked. He closed his eyes. “I wish I was dead…”
“Have you two had another row?” asked Brian, assuming he was over-dramatizing after some minor spat with Corinne. “Don’t worry. It’ll blow over. You can stay here tonight and sort it out tomorrow.” Brian stood up and took the empty glass from Alan’s hand.
Alan suddenly raised his hands to his face, shaking his head.
“No.” he groaned. “It’s finished. I betrayed her. She doesn’t want me any more….” he broke off, beginning to sob into his hands.
Brian sat, watching helplessly, embarrassed to stay but afraid to leave him.
It was some time before he calmed down, at which point Brian made up a bed for him on the sofa and told him to get some sleep.
As soon as the hour was decent, Brian tried to phone Corinne, but the line was busy, so he dressed and drove over to their apartment.
When Corinne realized who it was, she tried to close the door, but Brian put his foot in it.
“What’s happened between you and Alan? He says it’s over between you two. Is that right?”
“Yes. That’s right.” Corinne’s voice wavered slightly.
“But why? You love each other don’t you? What’s gone wrong?”
Corinne’s mouth compressed. “I appreciate your concern, but it’s really none of your business.”
“Lady, I make it my business when a friend turns up on my doorstep at five a.m. in a state of hysteria.” Brian hissed. “I’d like to know what happened to put him in that state.”
Corinne couldn’t hide the pain in her eyes, but her voice was even as she spoke.
“I told him our relationship was over, and I told him to go.”
“You threw him out.” Brian corrected.
“He betrayed my trust, and he broke his word.” Corinne’s green eyes flashed angrily. “It’s obvious he can’t live my way, and I can’t live his.” Her voice shook and she took a deep breath, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to engulf her.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to discuss it. I’m glad Alan came to you, I know you’ll see he’s alright.”
“Alright?” Brian spat the word. “That he certainly isn’t.”
Corinne’s eyes filled with tears.
“Please don’t. This is difficult enough.”
Brian sighed. “Is there no possibility of a reconciliation?”
Corinne shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.
“I’m sorry.” she managed eventually. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a lot to do.”
Before Brian could utter another word, she hastily closed the door. He couldn’t see her lean against it as tears ran down her cheeks. “Oh Alan,” she muttered “why couldn’t you have chosen me?”
As soon as Alan woke, he told Brian he was going home to try and talk things over with Corinne. Knowing the reaction he would get from her, Brian wanted to stop him, but he knew it would do no good, so he let him go.
Alan had come back white faced and tearful, saying that Corinne wouldn’t answer the door to him, just as Brian had known she wouldn’t. He kept trying to call her, but it was obvious that she had left the phone off the hook.
“This went on for four or five days.” he told Nita. Then, the following day, he went out to try and see her and didn’t come back. I thought maybe he’d finally succeeded in speaking to her, but then late that afternoon a cab driver turned up at my place holding up a semi-conscious Alan.
Brian paused as he remembered.
“What’s happened?” he asked the cab driver.
The cab driver flashed his brilliant white teeth in his black face. “Hey man, he just got in my cab, gave this address ad passed out cold.”
“Is he hurt?”
“No. Just out of his skull man.”
“I got him inside, and got enough coffee in him that he was at least coherent.” Brian told Nita. “When I asked him what had happened, he said that Corinne had gone. Left town.”
Nita gasped.
“He tried calling her folks, to see if she’d gone back there, but they said they hadn't seen her. I asked him if he thought they were telling the truth, and he said they sounded surprised that he had called them so he thought so. I thought it was probably true. If she was that determined not to see him she wouldn’t have gone somewhere he could easily find her.
“How awful.” said Nita.
"He was devastated." Brian nodded, his mind going back in time to that day. It had been the beginning of months of hell, for both Alan and Brian, who had insisted he stay at his house, being afraid to let him out of his sight.
He had become withdrawn, spending hours gazing out of the window in a deep depression, rarely eating, preferring to take sustenance from the bottle. Brian had dreaded coming home lest he should find him passed out in the kitchen or living room and have to put him to bed, or else nurse him through hangovers when he would spend half the day too sick to get up. Brian was concerned for his mental state and feared he would need hospital treatment if he carried on like this.
He would sit for hours, scribbling sad and poignant lyrics, which he then tossed into the waste bin, or else he would bash away violently on an old upright piano that Brian owned, sometimes making dramatic and beautiful music of which he was totally unaware.
For Alan, it was just a process of self-healing, getting all the pain and sorrow he felt out of his system the only way he knew how, through music, but although he wasn’t rational enough to know what he was doing, Brian could see the creativity in it, and took to retrieving all the discarded pieces of paper from the waste bin and putting them all away in a folder.
He also started to leave a tape recorder running when Alan was pounding away on the piano. Later, Alan had used a lot of this material to write several hit songs.
It was almost six months before Alan had finally begun to accept what had happened and start to get back to some sort of normality but, even then, the shame of the exhibition he’d made of himself that night, shouting and screaming in the street, had haunted him for years, and he had vowed never to let anyone get close enough to hurt him that way again.
“He never saw Corinne again from that day until the night she turned up at the gig in Baltimore.” Brian said now. “So, you see now why I was so concerned when I could see him falling for you. I didn’t want to see him go through that again.”
Nita was gazing across the room at Alan, her eyes moist with tears. “I won’t let anyone hurt him again, I swear.” she said.
Alan smiled at her over the top of someone’s head, raising an eyebrow, indicating he would rather be talking to her but couldn’t get away.
A hand touched her arm. She dragged her eyes from Alan, to see an older version of his face looking up at her.
“All the best, my child.” Mrs. Moreno smiled up at her. “I look upon you as my daughter now, and you must call me Mama.”
“Thank you very much… Mama.” Nita leaned down for her to plant a kiss on her cheek.
​
“I hope Alan can make you happy.” Mrs. Moreno continued. “He’s such a sensitive boy. He can be difficult to live with.”
“I hope I can make him happy too.”
Later in the evening, Nita and Alan left the wedding reception, which had now turned into a disco, for a week’s vacation in Las Vegas.
The guests all adjourned to the basement car park, where Brian had arranged for a limousine to collect them and take them to the airport.
Nita had changed into a jade coloured trouser suit, and Alan into a brown suite with a beige shirt.
Everyone threw confetti over them for the second time that day.
“Have a lovely time.” Nita’s mother called.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Lee winked to Alan.
“If you can’t be good, be careful.” shouted another.
Laughing, they finally managed to get into the car and the driver whisked them to the airport.
On arrival at their hotel, the porter led the way to their suite, depositing their bags on the bed. Alan tipped him and he left.
“Alone at last.” Alan gave a sigh of relief.
Nita smiled and went to him as he held his arms out to her.
“Hello, Mrs. Moreno.” His voice was soft in her ear.
“Hello, husband.” Nita giggled, the word sounding strange on her lips.
Alan moved his head to find her lips, his kiss deep and searching.
“I love you.” he whispered, as they broke apart. He picked her up and carried her over to the bed, pushing the suitcases to the floor with his foot before laying her down on it.
They began kissing and caressing each other, then, taken by a sudden devilment, Nita pushed Alan to arm’s length and said “You know, I’m not sure that this is so much fun now it’s legal.” She pouted, cheekily. “I think I’ll file for divorce.”
“What?” For a moment Alan almost believed her.
“Just joking, husband dear.” Nita smiled beguilingly.
“Why, you… I’ll make you suffer for that.” he said, attacking her lips once more.
Their joviality was soon forgotten as desire overtook them.
Afterwards, they lay in each other’s arms, whispering softly to each other.
“I’ve never been so happy in my life.” Alan confessed.
“Never?”
“Never.”
“Not even when one of your records gets to number one?”
“Not even close.”
“Even when people stop and ask for your autograph?”
“Way down the list.”
“Not even up on stage, with twenty thousand people calling your name?”
“Well… a close second…” Alan conceded.
“I’ll settle for that.” smiled Nita.
They spent the majority of the week in bed, only venturing out for meals and the odd visit to a casino and a trip to Caesar’s Palace to see a show. There was no talk of records, or concerts, no press, no fans. Just the two of them, with nothing on their minds but each other.
At the end of the week, they flew back to L.A. relaxed and happy, and in high spirits.
“You two look great.” Brian told them as he met them at the airport. “Presumably you had a good time?”
“Terrible.” joked Alan. “She kept me a prisoner in the hotel room. Couldn’t go anywhere.” He grinned as Nita pummeled him with her fists.
“You beast. It was actually the other way round.” she told Brian.
“Not true.” Alan countered.
They proceeded to have a wrestling match on the back seat.
Brian raised an eyebrow in amazement at their antics.
“Hey, stop shaking the car.” he scolded them, as an elbow jolted the back of his seat. “I’m trying to drive here.”
“Sorry.” Alan’s face appeared in Brian’s rearview mirror, somewhat flushed from struggling with Nita.
“You’ve put on weight.” Brian commented when they got out of the car at his apartment block.
“Blame her.” Alan nodded towards Nita. “Apart from keeping me prisoner, she kept forcing all this food into me.”
“Don’t start again.” giggled Nita, wagging her finger at him.
“I bet none of my stage clothes will fit me.” Alan grumbled. “I’ll have to have new ones made.” he shook his head in mock disgust. “I can see you’re going to cost me a fortune.”
Nita hit him with a rolled-up magazine.
Brian laughed. “I’ll leave you guys to it.”
-ooOOoo-
They had another free week, which they spent showing Nita’s parents around the sights. Then it was time to pack up and fly to Vancouver for a series of concerts in Canada.
“I’ve been thinking.” said Alan. “How would you like to do a duet with me?”
“Me? Oh, I couldn't. I don’t sing well enough.”
“It would only be like harmony singing.”
“Well... I did join a group while I was in England...”
“You never told me.” Alan looked surprised.
“I was only with them for a few weeks.” said Nita. “But I did do a couple of solos. Mind you they were disco type songs, where it doesn’t really show if you don’t sing well.”
“We’ll pick something suitable. You’re part of my life now. I want to show you off.” said Alan.
Nita smiled. “Alright, I’ll give it a try.”
The following week, they all left for Vancouver. Nita’s parents went with them.
Alan had arranged front row seats for them on the opening night, the day before they were scheduled to fly back to England.
Nita went to see Alan, just before they went on stage. He was just putting on his jacket. He looked pale and tense.
“You’ll be fine.” Nita told him. She knew he was worried about performing again. He’d done nothing at all for three months, and he wasn’t happy about the poor work he’d done in the months prior to that, while Nita had been away, which he believed would damage his reputation.
Alan sighed and then swallowed hard.
“Relax.” she told him. “You haven’t lost your voice. You haven’t forgotten how to play… you haven’t grown an extra ear or something since you’ve been away. They’ll love you… just like always.”
Alan raised a small smile.
“I hope so.” His voice was a whisper.
“Well, if they don’t, I do, and that’s what counts.”
He kissed her. “Thanks. And don’t you worry either. You’ll be fine.”
Nita smiled and walked towards the door. “Do you know what scares me the most?”
“What?” asked Alan.
“My parents being here to watch.”
Alan smiled. “My mother’s here too.”
“You didn’t say.”
“She normally only comes to my New York shows, but as your parents were coming, she agreed to fly out.”
“Oh, I feel even worse now.” grimaced Nita, opening the door. “See you later.”
Nita took her place on the stage with Alan’s other backing singers. She couldn’t see her parents from where she sat, but she knew they were watching her.
Alan came on stage to thunderous applause. He stood for several moments, listening to it, his eyes moist. Then he took his seat at the piano and the show started.
Just before the interval, he stood up to speak.
“As some of you may know, I got married a couple of weeks ago. My wife is part of my backing group.”
At that, a spotlight fell on Nita. She smiled and waved, and the audience applauded her.
“Tonight, we’d like to do a number together. Please welcome… Nita Moreno.”
Nita left her seat and walked down the steps from their platform onto the stage. Her knees were shaking so badly she felt sure everyone could see.
Alan took her hand and kissed her cheek.
“Don’t worry.” he whispered. “Just pretend we’re at home.”
He sat down at the piano, and Nita picked up a microphone and stood facing him.
She gazed into his eyes, and her fear subsided.
She thought they sang beautifully. So did the audience. When the song finished they all stood up, cheering and clapping.
When Nita looked down, she could see her parents smiling approvingly.
“I love you, Alan.” she whispered.
“I love you too.”
He took her hand, and they stood together, basking in the audience’s applause.
-ooOOoo-
